Money vs. Love

Last weekend we had our yearly Haroldsen/Baird reunion at our home and, oh, what a feast we had! We stand and sit around telling family stories and retelling the classic and most choice stories of past get-togethers and trips. Yes, there was some great food too but when it came down to it, it really was more a feast of love and interaction. That reminded me of a very important idea that I’d like to remind all of you about too.

For years I’ve preached over and over about the basic and best formulas for going out in the world to get and keep lots of money and I think that’s very important. Succeeding in financial matters really can improve and lift your life and those loved ones around you.  But, never let that ‘money getting’ get in the way of love.

Recently I listened to an author who had just written a book about that huge mine disaster that trapped 33 miners for 69 days, back in 2010 in Chile. When those survivors finally escaped that pit of hell, what they said was very instructive for those who would listen and learn from their experience.  Did any of them think about their houses or their money while they hoped and waited to be rescued?  No, they did not.  Their minds and hearts were fixated on their loved ones … their wives, kids, parents and other people they loved. When our lives are on the line, most everyone realizes what the most important part of their existence is and money is quickly and easily pushed out of our heads by thoughts of those that we love and those that love us. But we don’t need to wait until something terrible happens to remember what really matters.

Back when I was giving seminars, I used to ask the audience, by a show of hands, how many people would like to make and have a net worth of one million dollars. Just about every hand in the audience went up.  I would follow the same line of question with higher numbers: Who would like 10 million and then 100 million dollars? About the same number of hands went shooting into the air.  Then I would ask the question with a bigger number but with a much bigger difference: How many people here would like to make and have a billion dollar net worth, but when you got to the top of that huge financial mountain you arrived there only to find out you didn’t have any friends or relatives that liked you, and certainly didn’t love you, and none of them wanted to be near where you were—you would be totally cut off? There was always a few hands that were raised, very few, but all of those that had their hands in the air were, well, teenagers.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t set your goals high and go after your fortune and keep on building it bigger and bigger. I mean only that you should think about all the good you can do in the world with that fortune. Always, always, always remember that giving and receiving love is infinitely more important and lifts your soul and your happiness in life to a much higher level than any amount of money ever would. Then live your life giving focus to the things that really matter as well as your big financial goals.

Measuring a Country’s Greatness

The subjects of my blogs are mainly about Health and Wealth but this week I’ve just got to say something about the race for the White House.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone that seems more non-presidential than the guy with the bad hair who never talks with any specifics and who acts like a child.  Have you noticed how Mr. Donald Trump loves to call people names and constantly tells people how great he is?

Yes, we all did that when we were kids, but that’s what kids do and most of us grow up and stop doing those kind of juvenile things. He reminds me of Vladimir Putin who also just can’t seem to get over himself and how wonderful he thinks he is. Most of us, as we age, realize that we are not near as important as we once thought we were.

And how about Trump’s big slogan for his campaign: I’m going to make American great again”. I would love to ask Trump a few questions if he would agree to give me a yes or no answer.  The first question would be, “Mr. Trump, do you think America is a good country?” The next question would be, “Do you think America is a VERY good country?” And lastly, “Don’t you think America is a great country?”

Personally, I don’t think America ever stopped being “great”.  In fact, it seems to me that our country gets better every year.  I’ve been to 84 countries in my life and lived a couple years in the Middle East in Ankara and Turkey and a couple years in England and Wales, and from my distant and far observations, it has always been a pretty great country.

Are we perfect? Of course not. Are we the best country in the world?  That is a pretty broad question. Admittedly, we are not the best in everything but we do excel in quite a number of important areas—our firms are at or near the forefront in technological advances, especially in computers and in medical, aerospace, and military equipment.*But just like a normal human being, we need to keep working at it to make us and our country better.

Some people would disagree with me when I say our country gets better every year and might point out the many terrible things they see every day and night on the news.  My response to that is pretty simple.  The news, especially the cable news that runs 24 hours a day, is in the business of making money and they need to fill up those 24 hours and they know they get a much higher viewership when their news stories are sensational.  Watching the news gives us the impression that things are much worse than they really are.

Since 1980, our murder rate has dropped by more than half and our gross domestic product, a primary indicator of economic health, is 6 times what it was. The US is recognized as having the largest and most technologically powerful economy in the world and we are second in the world only to Switzerland in quality of life indexes.* So I say to my readers and to Mr. Donald Trump, “America is already great and I am proud to be an American!”

*Statistics and quotes from Nation Master/www.nationmaster.com

The Advantage of Honest Answers

There are certain questions that most of us hear nearly everyday. They go something like:

• How are you doing?
• How are you feeling?
• How’s everything in your life these days?

And what is our usual response?

• I’m doing fine.
• Oh, I feel pretty good.
• Things are moving along.

The answers that you normally don’t hear are:

• Not too good today.
• Oh man, I am feeling very depressed.
• Things are not going well in my life right now.

In our polite society we usually don’t dump our problems on others, not even our relatives or close friends. In most situations, that’s a good and considerate thing.  But sometimes it might be a good for you and me to open up and tell the full truth, voice the negative or tough things that are going on in our lives and in our minds. Why? Because many times friends and relatives can be a big help.

It’s kind of strange that it’s perfectly acceptable in our society to tell someone that you have a cold but it’s a no-no to tell a friend you’re feeling down or depressed. Both conditions are real and there are treatments for both.

Recently, I met a longtime friend who said in the usual manner, “Hey Mark, how are you doing?”  Suddenly, and to my surprise, I found myself telling him the truth, saying “Man oh man … I’ve really been depressed lately.”

Next thing I knew I was quickly apologizing for dumping my personal problems on him. But to my surprise he was not taken aback by my honesty but rather told me in turn that he too gets down and depressed.  I was surprised to hear him say that because he always seems to be on top of the world and so very happy.

He then gave me some very good advice on things I could do to pull myself out of my slump and in a very short order I began to feel better.  The advice he gave me were things I already knew but had slowly stopped doing. Things like eating foods that improve your mood and taking supplements like 5HTP and Saint John’s Wort. And just as important as all the rest … pushing myself to stay busy and keep connected to friends and relatives.

I think because I am a healthy and very wealthy person, people look at me and think I am always upbeat and positive and never get depressed.  But, many times the problem is my advantages in life also make it difficult to feel motivated–I don’t have to work and I don’t have to do anything if I don’t want to. Even though that might seem to be a very good thing, it can be such a bad thing and can almost drive you crazy.

We all need to keep busy. We need to stay engaged and connected to friends and relatives. We also need challenges which mean constantly setting goals for ourselves and staying on track as we pursue those goals.  Yes, I am preaching an old subject to you but I am very definitely preaching to myself! Because we all need a little reminder now and then. And to get that, sometimes all it takes is giving a friendly question an honest answer.

Three More Buried Secrets

A secret is some bit of knowledge that is kept from someone or many someones. Last week I spotlighted those truly terrible secrets … the ones we hid from ourselves! When you are trying to accomplish something that is challenging or simply hard to stick to, you need every tool you can get your hands on. But so often, we have been given these tools and then hide them away. Why is that?

Well, if you read last week’s post, you now know (or have been reminded!) what some of the most important ‘secrets’ are to accomplishing both small and large goals. But wait … there’s more! Let’s take a look at some of the other great ‘secret’ tools you have available to you to make your dreams happen!

No. 5: Establish a routine and keep with it until your routine has truly become a hard and fast ‘habit’!

This is a big one. Form the right habits and you can change your life forever.  You know as well as I do that this is true whether the habit is a good one or a bad one.  Scientist have determined that it takes anywhere between 21 and 66 days to form a solid habit, depending on the person. You and I must stick with the routines that are leading us toward our goals long enough that they become rock solid routines.  If we do that, we’ll see that sticking to our plans and reaching our goals will become easier and easier.

No. 6:  Break down those big goals into what I like to call ‘bite-sized’ steps.  For most of us, and I know for me, if I don’t break it down into small goals or bite sized tasks, those big goals can break me down. Why? Because those big, long term goals can overwhelm the mind and shut a person down. It’s easier to do the small stuff and they eventually add up to something big!

No. 7: Set up a reward system for yourself. That is, when you hit your goal and maybe even along the way as you take those bite sized steps or reach intermediate points or milestones of success, take time to celebrate your victory. You can reward yourself with a special night out on the town or a huge getaway vacation to an exotic place. Whatever it is, make it super special and something that you will always remember.

That is a long list of ‘secrets’ you can use to help you reach your goals. But one last thought–If you don’t hit your goal or you miss a deadline, don’t be too hard on yourself.  Remember, some of the most successful people on the planet had many, many failures as they pursued their big goals.  It really is okay to fail–almost everybody does at some point or another. The thing is, failure can lead to even greater successes, so if you fail and fall down be sure to get right back up, reload and reset and keep going!

 

Big Buried Secrets

Ok … so do you want some sure-fire ways to help you set big goals (and/or small goals) and be able to stick with them until you succeed? Well, they are out there just waiting for you. I’m going call these methods ‘secrets’ although as you read some of these you may say ‘Hey, I already know that one!’ so for you it’s really not a secret.  Right?  Well, you may be right and it may not be something new to you but if you are not doing it, then maybe it really should be labelled a ‘secret’. A secret you are keeping from yourself.

For example, you probably have heard the first two secrets I have for you. But do you do them?

No. 1: You must write your goal down! There is a kind of magic that happens in our brains when we make a printed record of specifically what we want to accomplish. It makes it more real to us and we feel obliged to follow through. Just because they’re written down.

No. 2: Be sure to put a deadline or time limit on your goal and write that down too.  Without a deadline, you can put off forever the tasks that will move you forward and then you’ll never get close to that goal. Knowing you have a deadline gives you a kind of mini-goal and something to aim for.

Does that sound familiar? Sound like great advice? Yes? Well … do you always employ them?

How about ‘secrets’ that some people might be aware of but don’t spend enough time doing?

No. 3: Take time to carefully visualize your goal with as much detail as you can imagine.  That visualization should also include an image in your mind of actually accomplishing your goal. Think about how you are going to feel when you arrive at your journey’s end. Run it though your brain numerous times until it feels real.

No. 4: Tell other people about what you have set out to do.  Ideally tell people who care about you and understand and appreciate what you’re aiming for. Ask these people to remind you, encourage you and cheer you on as you make progress towards your goals.

This fourth step can be a huge help.  Even if they don’t ask how you are doing or give words of encouragement every time they see you, your seeing them will often remind you that they know what you are shooting for and you certainly don’t want to disappoint them, not to mention failing yourself, of course.

So I am guessing that, for a lot of you, these tips aren’t new ideas but if you aren’t doing them, they might as well be deeply buried secrets. They are all simple to do, take very little effort, and can increase your ability to persevere and reach those goals, both big and small! So dig these back up and use them! It’s your own little gold mine you can use to pave your way to all kinds of success.

There is even more good news … those are not the only ‘secrets’ out there. Next week, I will talk about more tried and true secrets to making your goals a reality. Get yourself a head start by writing down, setting a deadline for, visualizing and telling others about your goal. Because the biggest secret is that you can’t get what you want without going for it!

 

 

The Power of Unchangeable Deadlines

Here I am sitting in the Los Angeles on the way to Kauai. I know poor us, right? But what a day! Got up early to bury a rattle snake, fix a broken sprinkler pipe, negotiate the multi-million dollar sale of a property that I’ve been wanting to sell off, pick up the paperwork, write emails to the office and others, do a last check on the swimming pool motor, double check to make sure we have enough gas to make it to the airport, get packed for our trip, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  It was quite a morning but so much better than the day before with all the stress and worry about the tight schedule we had today.  But why had I been so stressed?

Well, it’s simple. Before we have a big day planned, whether it’s a trip, a big event or a similar massive change from what we usually do, most of us are filled with stress over the great unknown outcome of all we have to do. When we get going on all the tasks that need to be done, then the stress starts to go away because we are so involved with the ‘doing’.  What’s so amazing to me is that most of us humans can and do get so focused and determined to get these time sensitive and necessary jobs done that we can and do manage to get tons more done than on a normal day. We can amaze ourselves at the efficiency and effectiveness with which we get things done.

I am pretty sure you have, in the past, experienced the same thing as I did these last two days.  I’m so impressed how efficient I can become if I have absolute deadlines that I have to meet. You know, like an airline departure time that won’t wait for me.

I guess we can say that one of the great powers of goal setting is in its time limits. In this case, it’s time limits that are set by others, time frames that can’t and won’t be changed for us.  And that’s probably a good thing.  The problem we have when we set goals for ourselves, whether they are physical, family, health or wealth goals, is that we can cop out and change those goals along the way.  If we can somehow set those goals in real, immovable ways, kind of like an airline flight

Think about that and see if you can come up with a plan or a method that might create for you a deadline that you won’t think about changing or that really is absolutely unchangeable so you can’t even begin to think about not hitting your goal! What would do that for you?

 

The Magic of Nature and the Human Connection

I’ve been hiking up Millcreek Canyon ever since it turned so very hot here in Salt Lake City. It’s been 100 plus degrees on many days.  And let me tell you, the Millcreek Canyon hike is something to behold and as a big plus the trail I take has a wonderful canopy of trees blocking the sun for probably 80% of the hike. There is something magical about the great outdoors and for me it’s even more magical in the mountains or on the beach.  I don’t know what it is but I’m sure scientist have an explanation for what nature does to our brains that lifts and jump starts our spirits to a much higher level.  If you don’t believe me, the next time you are a bit down in the dumps, just take a walk outside, preferably in the mountains, on the beach, or at least out in the country side, and see if you don’t find your mood changed.

For me there is an extra boost to my mind, mood and spirit when I hike trails where others are hiking.  As I’ve talked about before, I love to drop $2 dollar bills on the trail when I see a father or mother hiking with small children–ideally in that 6 to 10 age range.  If you give a 3 year old a $2 dollar bill they don’t know what it is and usually drop it in a short time. They need to be old enough to understand what they’ve found.

My normal routine is to say to the parents as they are approaching, “Hey, have you taught your kids to pick up paper or litter when they see it on the ground?” and then I drop the money and keep walking and I hear the kids shouting out in delight and almost always the kids also scream out a big “Thank you!” Wow. Does that ever warm my heart! The kids love it but I think I love it more and get more out of it than they do.

I also love to meet people when I am out on my usual 2 or 3 hour hikes and that also lifts my spirits.  I have some standard lines that I use over and over because they usually work to start a short conversation or a quick exchange of pleasantries.  For instance, as I am approaching couples, whether young or old, with the guy in front and the gal behind, I say to the guy as I pass, “Hey, don’t look now but there is a beautiful lady following you.” That always brings big smiles and an exchange of upbeat comments.  They love it and so do I.

With these few words and small gestures, spirits are lifted. Plus it sometimes leads both parties to stop and have a short upbeat chat.  Yesterday I used one of my other standard lines when I’m on a particularly steep part of the hike and passing people.  I simply ask “Hey, how much further to the 7-11?” It usually brings a big laugh but yesterday it also lead to a conversation and a big coincidence.

After saying this to two ladies who laughed at my comment, I noted the younger woman had a French accent so I asked her where she was from. After telling me she lived a couple hundred kilometers north of Paris, I told her we love Paris and France and have a very, very good friend from Normandy by the name of Franchoise and she is married to the skiing legend Stein Eriksen. When I mentioned this, the older lady said “Hey, I know who you are, Mark Haroldsen, the author. And I know Franchoise. Her son plays tennis with my son.” So again that brief encounter lifted our spirits with a nice conversation and a fun coincidence and we all walked away with smiles on our faces.

The bottom line here is that I think all of us should get out in nature more and go out of our way to meet other human beings.  It’s a win-win and as I preach this to you, believe me, I am preaching it to myself to do more of that!

 

 

 

Thoughts of Napoleon

Last week I started telling you the great story of Bunker Bean who, when he began to believe that he had been Napoleon Bonaparte in his previous life, made dramatic changes in his thinking. It is an example of how our brains can help us make drastic changes in our behavior and in our lives. Good ole former super loser Bunker Bean started making huge changes in his behavior and it brought him huge rewards.

To begin with he decided he should learn more about this great man that he had been. The very next day, after he had finished his duties where he was working as an assembly line worker, Bunker went directly to the local library and checked out a book on Napoleon Bonaparte.  He took it home and stayed up late into the night reading it cover to cover.

The day after that he repeated the process and did the same the day after that and the day after that, until he had read every book in the library that told about Napoleon, the emperor of France.  The next morning Bunker looked more closely than ever at his situation on the assembly line. “Why,” he asked himself, “am I, the former Napoleon, in such a lowly position? Why, when I was a general, I had thousands of people at my command–and now I’m the least of the workers here.”  Bunker began to look around him to see what he could do to change his situation, to change his status, to rise above the other lowly workers at this plant.

The night before he had read about how Napoleon won all his battles in his tent, before ever taking the field. “By darn,” Bunker said to himself, “if that approach was good enough for me back then, it’s good enough for me now.”  So during the long and tedious hours on the production line, and in his spare moments in the evening, he put his mind to work, planning his battles there in his “tent”.  He soon had a game plan, an approach he was sure would work.  He had an approach that would improve his situation at his job, which would cause his superiors to notice him. He saw several specific changes that could be made in the assembly line that would speed up the process and thereby increase production.

But thinking up the ideas wasn’t enough. Bunker remembered reading that with Napoleon, “to think was to act!”  He went immediately to his supervisor and told him of his ideas and of the benefits they would bring.

The supervisor was skeptical. “It will never work,” he said.

“Just try them for a few days,” Bunker begged.

Finally the supervisor relented. Three weeks later the supervisor was given a raise and a promotion for his great cost-saving improvements.  When he was asked to recommend his replacement, without hesitation he suggested Bunker Bean.

Bunker Bean had begun his climb up the corporate ladder.  Within two years, to the absolute amazement of everyone, Bunker Bean was the president of the entire company–which was worth over $100 million.

Probably the man who was most stunned was Bunker’s old friend, the spiritualist medium.  But Bunker wasn’t surprised at all.  He knew that in a former life he had been Napoleon Bonaparte and therefore knew that he had the power buried within him to be and do whatever he wished.

Bottom line here is what we all can do in our own lives if we plant and keep the right thoughts in our brains and really believe in our dreams and goals.  We truly are or can be what we think we are.

 

You Are What You Believe

***

I watched an older movie last night–a real chick flick called The Princess Diaries with Julie Andrews and Anne Hathaway.  In it, the soon to officially be made a princess, Anne Hathaway, was being mercilessly teased and insulted by her high school sophomore classmates.  However, she got help in facing it when one of her mentors told her that she would need to give someone that is trying to insult permission for it to work. In other words, you determine whether you are being insulted or not. If you don’t allow what is thrown at you to be an insult, you’ll be okay.

I thought that was some brilliant advice and it works. It made me think of the story of Bunker Bean.  I wrote the story of Bunker Bean in my book Goals, Guts and Greatness, in Chapter 4 which is entitled “You are What You Think You Are”.  The story tells of this very young man, Bunker Bean who had a lot of potential locked up inside him but it was locked so deep he didn’t know about it, which unfortunately is the story of so many people all over of the world.  You see, when Bunker was very young, both his parents died, leaving him alone and friendless and as he roamed through his years he began to develop fears of all kinds.

Eventually he moved into a cheap, rundown boarding house where he met a man who claimed to be a spiritual medium.  This new friend told Bunker that we cast off old bodies when we die, we and are reincarnated as a new person.  Bunker Bean was not well educated and he had never heard of reincarnation.  He was happy to hear that he had been someone else in another life before.  So when his new friend suggested that for a few dollars he would be able to tell Bunker who he’d been in a former life, Bunker jumped at the chance.

The result?  He was told that in his former life he had been none other than the great Napoleon Bonaparte, the emperor of France. Bunker was totally astounded. But he wasn’t sure that he believed it. “How could this be that I, lowly Bunker Bean who fears almost everything, could have been such a great person years ago?”  The medium explained how everyone’s sequence of lives turns in vast Karmic cycles.  For each of us there is a period of ascension and a period of descension and right now Bunker was living in a period of descension. “But there is good news,” the medium said. “Things are now changing, and your life is entering a period of ascension.”

It was at that point that Bunker Bean’s life began to change. He really began to believe he had been the great Napoleon and his brain went through some major changes. So what did he do? He began to learn everything he could about his former self.

Think about your own brain and how, if you really truly believed that you had been a super famous person in a previous life, you could dramatically change your current thinking. We really are what we think we are. Run that thought through your brain for the next week and I’ll finish the Bunker Bean story in next week’s post and tell you what happened to Bunker because of his changed brain.

What We Can Discover in Other People’s Worlds

I don’t know about you but I absolutely love to travel, especially to foreign countries and places I’ve never ventured into before. It excites my mind and does good things for me physically as well. Psychologists have told us for years that the human brain craves and thrives on novelty and also that a brain that gets excited can many times coax or persuade the body to maintain or even create better health. It sure seems to do that for me!

My wife and I just got back yesterday from Europe. Even though I have visited the Netherlands a few times before this last trip, this visit still stimulated my mind and body quite a bit. I am sure part of that was that I’d never taken the high speed train from Paris to Amsterdam and viewed that marvelous scenery. We also stayed in an old and quaint yet very different hotel right on one of Amsterdam’s famous canals.

A few days later my wife and I again took the train but to a city I’d never visited before. Just outside the city of ‘s-Hertogenbosch (commonly known as Den Bosch) we were privileged to watch from our nice fourth row seats a great tennis tournament played on grass as a warm up tournament for the renowned Wimbledon tournament. Interacting and getting to know a few of the wonderfully friendly Dutch people was tremendously fun as well as interesting and mind expanding. I even learned that the Dutch are, on average, the tallest people on the planet.

I’ve thought many times how different the world would probably be if virtually everyone could travel and visit dozens of different countries and cultures. I can’t help but believe that if this were to happen and we all took the time to really study and get to know and understand other people, we would grow to be so much more accepting and sympathetic. It would, no doubt, greatly diminish and maybe even halt the huge conflicts and wars of the world.

Just think about how you try to help one of your kids or friends that are having problems. Most of us try to understand the causes of those problems and the more we discover, the sympathetic we are and the more we can help out. Getting to know and understand other cultures makes it more likely that we will be able to accept, and when needed, help these others people that previously we may have thought were rather strange. Next time you travel to a new place you might want to keep that in mind and see what you might discover.

 

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