A Friendly Question and an Honest Answer

There are certain questions that most of us hear nearly every day. They go something like:

• How are you doing?
• How are you feeling?
• How’s everything in your life these days?

And what is our usual response? Something like:

• I’m doing fine.
• I’m good.
• Things are moving along.

The answers that you normally don’t hear are:

• Not so good today.
• Oh man, I am feeling very depressed.
• Things are not going well in my life right now.

In our polite society, we usually don’t dump our problems on others, sometimes not even our close relatives and best friends. In most situations, that would be thought of as a considerate thing but maybe it’s not the best thing we can do for ourselves. There are times when it might be better for us to open up and tell the full truth, voicing the negative or tough things that are going on in our lives and in our minds.

But when would it be better to answer honestly rather than staying quiet and not troubling others? Well, when you have something really tough going on that friends and relatives can help you with.

It’s kind of strange that, in our society, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell someone that you have a cold but it’s a no-no to tell a friend you’re feeling down or depressed. Both conditions are real and can be difficult. And there are treatments for both but, unlike with a cold that we usually treat ourselves, depression often requires that we ask for help.

I met up with a longtime friend once who said in the usual manner, “Hey Mark, how are you doing?”  Suddenly, and to my surprise, I found myself telling him the truth, saying “Man, oh man, I’ve really been depressed lately.”

Next thing I knew I was quickly apologizing for dumping my personal problems on him. To my surprise though, he was not taken aback by my honesty but rather told me in turn that he too gets down and depressed.  I was surprised to hear him say that because he always seems to be on top of the world and so very happy.

He then gave me some very good advice on things I could do to pull myself out of my slump and in a very short order I began to feel better.  The advice he gave me was a series of things I already knew but had slowly stopped doing. Things like eating foods that can improve my mood and taking supplements like 5-HTP and Saint John’s Wort. And just as important as all the rest, he suggested that I push myself to stay busy and keep connected to friends and relatives.

I think because I am an active and wealthy person, people look at me and think I must always feel positive and never get depressed.  But many times, my advantages in life also make it difficult to feel motivated. I don’t have to work, and I don’t have to do anything if I don’t want to. Even though that might seem to be a good thing, it can also drive you crazy.

We all need to keep busy and feel like we have a purpose. We need to stay engaged and connected to friends and relatives. We also need challenges which mean constantly setting goals for ourselves and staying on track as we pursue those goals.  Yes, I am preaching a well-worn subject to you, but I am very definitely preaching to myself as well. Because, even though I know this stuff, and you do too, we all need a little reminder now and then. And to get that, sometimes all it takes is giving a friendly question an honest answer.