Beyond the Average
September 3, 2023 by MarkHaroldsen
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Over the years, I have written a lot about goal setting and how it can change and improve your brain and life. Am I saying that if you spend a little time setting a few goals then lots of benefits will automatically flow to you? No, I’m not saying that.
What I am saying is, if you seriously want to improve your life, you can, but it takes effort. With enough intense time spent thinking about how your life has been in the past and what you want it to be in the future, you will lift your mind and body to a new and higher level. And that’s over and above the real successes you will derive from goal setting.
Ask yourself, “What do I really want out of life?” I’m pretty sure you don’t want to, as Henry David Thoreau said, “live lives of quiet desperation,” as seems to be the case with most people.
Hinduism tells us that every human being wants four things: pleasure, success, a responsible discharge of duty, and liberation. But you have to find your own version of these things.
To help you figure that out, ask yourself these questions:
1. Do you want your life to be just another life?
2. Do you want to be average?
3. Do you want to make a difference in this world?
4. Does accomplishment mean a lot to you?
5. Do you want to become a better you, a better person?
6. Do you want to be in great physical and mental shape with ideal health your entire life?
7. Do you want to live a very long active life?
8, Do you want to make a fortune –a million dollars, or ten million, or even a hundred million? (Think what good you could do with that money!)
9. Do you want more choices in your life, the kind that making your own fortune could give you?
10. Do you want to leave the world a better place than you found it?
11. Do you want to help others as you help yourself?
12. Do you want to travel and experience the entire world and its cultures?
13. Do you want to substantially raise your level of contentment and fulfillment?
I dare say there’s not a single human on the planet that has not, at one time or another, entertained some great big dream for their life. What have you thought about and dreamed about doing? Are you doing things that will lead you to that goal now, things that will lift your life along with the lives of your friends and family?
There’s no reason to live a life of quiet desperation. You just need those goals and to take those steps to move your life beyond the average.
The Friendship Boost
March 12, 2023 by MarkHaroldsen
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Last week I talked about the importance of reminding yourself to keep doing the good and healthy things that elevate your life. Having a good, active social life is a big one. It’s not only me that believes keeping up friendships can boost your health and the quality of life either. Some years back, I read an article on the Mayo Clinic website about just how important it is to maintain your friends and social circle.
According to this article friendships can:
- Increase your sense of belonging and purpose.
- Boost your happiness.
- Reduce stress.
- Improve your self-worth.
- Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one.
- Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise.
Now, that’s a lot of benefits for something most of us would like to have more of anyways, at least we think we would. But we don’t always keep up those relationships, which is strange. Why don’t we?
It seems that life just gets in the way, and we always don’t prioritize our social life. We are constantly drawn away by things such as work, caring for children or elderly parents, or trying to make a dent in that long to-do list that is always hanging over our heads. We also move around a lot these days so even well-established friendships start to fade with the distance between us all. And then it’s hard to find the time and even motivation to go out and make new friends. But it would seem, we can’t really afford not to.
It’s not that we need to have a lot of friends to get these benefits, but rather, according to the Mayo clinic article, it’s the quality of the friendships. You want to have friendships that fulfill your individual need for a certain kind of closeness, comfort, and availability. This is different for everyone but the important thing is that they are friendships you value.
So, take time to call, visit, write or whatever else is appropriate for the relationship you have with your friends. Don’t let time and distance get in the way of acquiring all the great benefits friendships bring you. And, remember, you’re also giving those same benefits to others so you’re helping to boost their health as well as yours.
If you’d like to read the Mayo clinic article, you can find it at: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/friendships/MH00125
Seek Great People
October 23, 2022 by MarkHaroldsen
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Many years ago, I read about a guy who started with nothing. He was extremely poor, but his father told him that he could become and accomplish anything he wanted, if he wanted it bad enough. He also discovered a lot about setting goals and keeping motivated, so he really grabbed a hold of what he was observing and pushed himself in all he did. He set goals for himself and put a timeframe on those goals and wrote them down.
Eventually, he turned his life around and later became one of the world’s most influential people in the personal achievement industry. He condensed those hard-learned lessons of life into books from which many people taught others. Seeing this, he also put his knowledge on 12-inch LPs and then on 8-track tapes and then, as technology progressed, onto cassettes, CDs and DVDs. He sold more than 2 billion dollars’ worth of those great reprinted and rerecorded motivational and goal setting directions and information.
In my younger years, I followed this man’s work and got very interested in him as a person, so I went after him. Yes, eventually, I got to meet him and know him very well. We even took trips together to places like the Grand Cayman Islands. He came to Salt Lake City and met my wife and me at our home. During that time, I followed his example and what I learned from his tapes helped me make a huge financial leap in my income, up into the millions. This wonderful man was Paul J. Meyer.
Yes, there were other people who have done astounding stuff in the financial arena who also helped me. That was because I would seek out and find those people who have accomplished big things in my field. So, in my personal experience, you should go out and get to know the people who have hit it big time in your area of interest by reading any written works or stories of theirs and, yes, push and push until you get to meet them. Then spend all the time you can with them and pick their brains. Most of these super successful people do like to share and help others do what they did. Yes, I’m saying just go do it!
There is so much more I want to share with you about Paul J. Meyer that I learned through his book Fortune, Family, and Faith. He gave me a copy of that book and signed it with a very nice note back on August 4th, 2008, the year before he passed away.
Next week I want to share more of what I learned from this great man, like his list of 13 ways of how to keep your priorities, which is just one of many treasured lessons he has to teach us all.
The Stories They Leave
November 28, 2021 by MarkHaroldsen
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I met Richard Harvey when we played on the championship basketball team while attending high school in Turkey. We became fast friends back then. However, we went our own ways after moving back to the states. Years later, Richard saw me on TV driving a Mercedes. This was after I had written my book How to Wake up the Financial Genius Inside You. Richard looked me up and called. I was shocked because I’d been looking for Richard for 20 years!
It was odd that we had been out of touch for so long. Richard and I had been inseparable back in high school. However, there were some problems, primarily prejudice. Richard was never allowed inside my house because my dad was Mormon.
Years later, I got to see him again, in person, at my wedding reception. It was a difficult time for Richard. His youngest son, Kyle, had cancer and Richard was in the hospital every day with him. It almost kept him from coming to the reception, but he managed to make it. When he got there, my dad started walking towards him. Richard thought he might be coming over to ask him to leave. Instead, he thanked Richard for coming. Then my dad, having heard about Richard’s son, said he would put Kyle’s name in the Mormon temple where Mormons all over the world will pray for him.
Later, when Richard was back at the hospital with his son, there was a huge commotion in the playroom. A man was passing out teddy bears to the kids. However, when the man saw Richard’s son Kyle, he walked up to him, hugged him, and just held him. Richard learned that the man was the famous singer, Donnie Osmond.
It had only been 3 days since Richard had been told that Mormons were praying for his son when he saw the most famous Mormon embrace him. For Richard, this was a confirmation that Kyle would beat cancer, and he did. A year later, Donnie came back and called Kyle to check on him. Richard didn’t know how the singer got their number, but the two men talked, and Richard told Donnie about how the Mormons were helping him and his son. Donnie was very moved.
It was just about a year ago that Richard passed away. With the recent death of my brother, my friend’s memory has come to the forefront of my mind, and I was reminded of this story. They were similar as well, my brother and Richard. Passionate and determined, they lived life to the fullest and never gave up. I am missing them both, but I still have the memories and all our great stories.
A Winning Legacy
June 6, 2021 by MarkHaroldsen
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I’m pretty sure virtually all humans understand and appreciate how important it is to have friends, especially good ones and maybe lots of them. However, it’s so terrible and sad when one of them dies.
I was very shocked and saddened when, a few days ago, I heard that my good friend Mark Eaton had suddenly died. He was a great guy, very smart, and a very famous and talented superstar basketball player. He was also very nice, super friendly, and always looking to help other people.
Mark was also a brilliant writer. He wrote a wonderful book entitled The Four Commitments of a Winning Team. You really ought to get his book and read it cover to cover. Here’s a quick summary of the Four Commitments:
1. Know your job
2. Do what you’re asked to do
3. Make people look good
4. Protect others
What is amazing about his story is that even though he was a giant at 7’4†tall, he didn’t want to play basketball. He actually worked as an auto mechanic. He didn’t have any interest in basketball and resisted many attempts by coaches and others to talk him in to playing.
Finally, he was persuaded to take up the sport and, man oh man, did he ever become a superstar player. He broke several MBA records while playing for the Utah Jazz. Quoting from the inside flap of his book, “As a starting center for the Utah Jazz for over 10 years, Mark Eaton experienced the transformation of his team from cellar dweller to one with an extraordinary 20 consecutive playoff appearances.â€
What surprised me the most about the recent news is that Mark was in such great physical shape. He worked out regularly and was very sharp and smart. He was only 64. To me that’s very young since I’m 13 years older than that and I’m pretty sure he exercised more than I do.
How very sad to lose a great friend and great human being. His death certainly brought back the heart-breaking memories of my daughter, Kristin, who died at the young age of 16.
My wife and I headed for his ranch the day after he passed to comfort his wife and their children. We will all miss Mark very much! Please keep their family in your heart and thoughts.
Friends: A Vital Part of Our Lives
December 13, 2020 by MarkHaroldsen
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A few weeks ago, I got a terrible phone call from my best high school friend’s two adult kids. What they told me cut me to the core. They were calling from the hospital where their dad had just died.
Richard Harvey was my dear brother and the first black guy that I really got to know. He was my high school buddy and my basketball teammate. We met in Ankara, Turkey when our fathers were working overseas to help other countries. I knew he had been in the hospital because I had talked to him on the phone a few weeks earlier. He sounded find and we all thought he was recovering. The phone call from his kids was like a giant punch in the face and gut.
Richard Harvey and I, along with other American kids, attended a small high school in Ankara, Turkey. He truly was my soulmate and we bonded very quickly when we both made it on the high school basketball team. We got better every week and worked so hard at it. A big part of that great improvement came from my older brother Bruce’s death on the first day of tryouts for the team. Bruce died right in front of me.
Because of that, Richard and I, along with our great big Texas center Ed Beckcom, made a commitment to win in my brother’s honor. We practiced many, many hours each day. There were many small American High Schools in Europe, the middle East, and even northern Africa, and we were bound and determined to win the championship for that entire area.
The big championship tournament is held each year in a huge stadium in Rome, Italy. Thinking back after Rich’s death I had some vivid memories. We did in fact make it to the finals of the Rome tournament and even to this day I marvel at what happened in that game.
Notre Dame high school was the number one favorite and we were to play them in the finals. It was a very close game and with only 20 seconds left, Notre Dame was 1 point ahead and had the ball. They took one last long shot and it missed. Big Ed Beckcom went high in the air and came down with the rebound. The outlet pass went to me and Richard and I were speeding down the court with two on one. The clock was ticking down very fast.
When we got close to our basket, I faked a shot and threw a bounce pass to Richard and, as I did, Richard slipped and fell. Oh my gosh, I was petrified! But as he hit the floor, he tossed the ball up toward the basket and, miracle of all miracles, the ball went in the basket as the buzzer sounded.
WE WON, WE WON! Wow, were we ever excited and in 7th heaven. We did it for Bruce, and for us too! That day certainly cemented our friendship and we’ve kept in touch all these years. Hmm … that’s about 60 years!
I know that you, the reader, know the huge importance and gift of having good friends and we especially see how important that is since COVID-19 has made it hard to be close to them or make new friends. So, let’s all double down and reach out to friends, old and new, on phone calls, through texts, and on the internet and stay connected with these dear and important parts of our lives.
In photo above: Ed Beckcom (top row, left), Richard Harvey (middle row, right) and me (bottom row, left.)Â
The People Habit
November 15, 2020 by MarkHaroldsen
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I’ve written a few times about the great power of habits and how forming the right ones can lift your mood, health, financial status, physical strength, and stamina. In past blogs, I have quoted many very smart and helpful ideas from Charles Duhigg’s book, The Power of Habit. That book is a great place to start.
One of the habits that I decided on many years ago was to go out of my way to meet many super successful people as I was sure they could lift my life. I hooked up with quite a few and some became my mentors. Some I got to know by reading about them or reading books they wrote, after which I would attempt to fly to their city and pick their brains. And, wow, was that a great habit that helped me in so many ways!
These super successful people that I met were from all walks of life. I have to admit that much of my success in life—from sports to financial—was from getting to know these people. I kept picking their brains over and over asking them to be my coach or my mentor.
I certainly discovered that many of these super successful people really like to give back by coaching or being a mentor and it’s a great way to give back or pay it forward. Think about how great you feel when you’ve helped someone to become super successful. It’s such a terrific feeling.
I’ll never forget the great compliments I’ve received from the many people who give me credit for their success through reading one of my books. In at least two cases, a couple of billionaires have told me that it was my book, what they learned from it, and the action they then took that made them so rich.
It does take a lot of work, persistence, and determination to meet highly successful people, especially if they are also famous. Some of the ones I tried to hook up with took many, many phone calls, and letters to reach, but I had formed the habit so no matter how many times I got turned down or got no answer to my many attempts, I just kept trying. And, of course, with some I never did get past their secretary or vice president or wife. But because of my solid habit, I met with enough success to make it all well worth my time.
Here is a short list of those super successful people that I’ve met and that have added so much to my life, from financial to motivational, uplifting my mind and spirt: Larry Rosenberg, Bill Nickerson, Ray Kroc, George Romney (Mitt’s father), Lionel Richie, Willian King of the Commodores, Joe Karbo, Curt Carlson, Jon Huntsman and even that guy Joe Biden. (Granted, I just met Joe for a very short interchange!)
Who have you met or chased down that have added so much to your life? Maybe you can make your own list or get working on building it up by reaching out to great and successful people!
The Neglected Key to a Long Life
October 25, 2020 by MarkHaroldsen
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I started to re-read the book entitled I’ve Decided to Live 120 YEARS: The Ancient Secret to Longevity, Vitality, and Transformation written by Ilchi Lee. I’ve written about this book in a previous blog post but I didn’t mention an incredible statistic I learned about in these pages.
It turns out, you can do this very simple thing that, on average, can lengthen your life by 7.5 years. That conclusion was reached based on data from 143 studies with a total of 300,000 participants. In that previous post, I mostly talked about how a long and healthy life is primarily about eating nutritious foods and staying physically active but there’s a bit more you can do.
So, during my second read of the book, what really jumped out at me was something that I’ve not been doing much of since I retired. I’m kind of surprised that I’ve ignored this critical part of living a long life and I have suffered because of it.
What is it that I’ve ignored that could have possibly lengthened my life by 7.5 years? It’s this thing called a social life! Having and keeping a good strong and active social life does things to the brain including sending signals to various body parts that keep it healthy and helps you live longer.
When I retired, I let my social life slide down big time! I stopped going to the office and so I stopped seeing my coworkers, clients, partners and business associates. I also moved into a big house on the mountain side with no neighbors, so that made it even worse. And this COVID-19 has certainly not helped in the least. In addition, there’s no kids here at home anymore. It’s just me and the wife in our big, empty nest.
Lee says in his book, “The isolation of the elderly doesn’t only cause loneliness, it has been shown to have a negative impact on physical and mental health, increasing conditions like chronic disease, high blood pressure, depression, cognitive decline, and dementia”. In addition, he notes, “Having people around us with whom we can communicate on a heart-to-heart level may also reduce the effects of stress.â€
We all want to be happy but things can quickly change when we suddenly retire–Lee goes on to say “People, especially as they get older, are experiencing deeper and more frequent forms of unhappiness in many spheres of life: chronic illnesses, alienation or disruption of personal relationships, weakening of economic power. Suddenly facing their social roles greatly reduced during retirement, people are likely to find their self-esteem withering away.”
Most of that has hit me hard so I’m here to tell you that, whether you are retired yet or not, it’s a good time to start making a list of plans and actions that you are going to take on when that day arrives and be sure an active social life is on there. Personally, I’m bound and determined to catch up and do just that!
In Lee’s book he also talks about another thing that can lengthen and make your life more pleasant and happy and it’s something that I’ve talked a lot about over the years – having a good strong purpose and hopes and dreams. I will talk more about those issues in my next week’s post.
Stir Yourself Up Instead of Going Stir Crazy
April 26, 2020 by MarkHaroldsen
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Wow. Now, after several weeks, we are still in lock down mode, but that doesn’t have to force us into a mental lock down too. Use this time to look at your world and your relationships in a new way.
The virus has undoubtedly brought my wife and I closer and has pushed my mind to see and think much more about details of so many things. For example, the other day, Kimberly said “Hey, let’s take a drive and look at all the beautiful blossoms that are out now.†Before the pandemic, I would have said, “Are you kidding me? That doesn’t sound like fun to me.” But with what’s going on, I said, “Okay, let’s go.†Well, when I paid major attention to all the absolutely gorgeous and beautiful blossoms, I was so very impressed, and that drive lifted my mood. It was such a simple thing, but it did us so much good. Thank you, mister virus.
Talk about me noticing details now! Walking down my long driveway to pick up the newspaper I saw a little rock and noticed what looked like a face. How cool. By the way, walking to get my paper always starts my daily walking goal and I usually hit my goal of 20,000 steps a day, even in times like these.
Kimberly is spending hours and hours doing what she loves to do – making beautiful beaded necklaces and other jewelry. We have also found ourselves playing pool and shuffleboard and having a great time doing so many little simple things that we almost never do.
And, hey, remember that now is a great time to reach out to friends and family. My wife Kimberly has reached out to her family and had many long conversations on the phone with her father and friends. Even if you can’t physically hug your friends and family, you certainly can send a virtual hug on the phone.
I even found myself reaching out to friends from 60 years ago. I wanted to talk to my basketball buddy Richard Harvey. We were on the winning team that took first place in an American high school tournament in Rome, Italy back in the day. I got a hold of his son Kyle who gave me Richard’s phone number in Ohio. I had a great conversation and did that virtual hugging thing. Then, the very next day an old friend of mine, Russ Whitney, called me. He read my first book back when he was a meat cutter in New York and now gives me a lot of credit for his huge success in life. He’s now having 1,000 apartment units built in Florida.
So, it turns out that we don’t have to put up with those feelings that we are going stir crazy. We can turn this shutdown situation into a really good thing for us and our friends and family. It’s so amazing to me that I began noticing and paying attention to so many details, even simple things around the house, such as pictures and decorations that I have always just skipped over. And now I have that super little rock with the face to remind me to pay attention to the details too.
Keys to Happiness
June 21, 2019 by MarkHaroldsen
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I have one more bit from the Dalai Lama’s books for you. This post will be a simple and short listing of thoughts and comments from him, thoughts that can be uplifting and supportive of your happiness and that you can easily and quickly review and share with your spouse, children, grandchildren and friends.
- Empathy and altruism raises you up.
- Science backs up claims about the physical and emotional benefits of a compassionate state of mind.
- Reaching out and helping others lifts your happiness level.
- Freedom from suffering starts with accepting suffering as a natural fact of human existence.
- Studies show that reaching out to help others induces feeling of a calmer mind and less depression.
- For a better life, confront your problems, fears, and bad habits. Don’t avoid them…then put your brain to work to change them.
- Ingredients that cement relationships: Affection, compassion, and mutual respect.
- The cause of suffering which one should seek to remove: ignorance, craving, and hatred.
- Unhappiness comes to each of us when we think ourselves at the center of the world.
- Remember, it takes time to train your mind.
- Necessary ingredients to happiness:
- Affection
- Warmth
- Friendship
- Compassion
- State of mind
- Calmness of mind
- Peace of mind
- Remember this … if you have real peace of mind you can be happy even with poor health.
- If you believe the purpose of life is happiness, then work on discarding the things that lead to unhappiness.
- If you want to have a deeper connection to others then reach out and help others.
- Empathy is critical to build compassion.
- Understand people by knowing and appreciating their background.
And I will add one of my own … if you want to raise you happiness level quickly, just walk outside. There is something magical about the great outdoors and what it does to the human mind