Goals and Mind Health
I have been talking about strategies that work based on scientific research done and summarized in Kelly McGonigal’s book The Willpower Instinct. I promised I would give you more strategies to work on this week. But before I give you some more strategies that will help you to stick with your goals I wanted to share with you a very interesting conclusion from Woman’s World magazine about an extra benefit of setting a lot of goals.
They said based on 12 year research project of Robert Wilson at Rush University medical center in Chicago —“whether you long to write a novel or learn to ski, a new study shows that people with the most goals have an 89% lower risk of ever developing Alzheimer’s disease! Having goals makes you less prone to stress and depression, which have been linked to a great risk of Alzheimer’s”. Wow! That alone ought to motivate us to not only have more goals but develop a good solid workable strategy for sticking with and reaching our goals. I mean let’s face it, the more with are able to stick with our goals the more likely we are willing and wanting to set more and more goals for ourselves.
So here is another strategy or two that work.
1. This week, work on remembering what it is you really want when you are tempted to give in to your human side. For example … do you really want that great looking brownie or do you really want to fit into a pair of skinning jeans?
2. Work this week on changing your brain and I mean changing it physically. You really can change it physically by doing one little thing every day for 5 minutes: Meditation.  It has been proven with MRI brain scans that just 5 minutes of meditation a day increases the blood flow to your brain and consequently actually increases the size of your grey matter.
Just a little more focus and those five minutes a will help keep you from being distracted as easily which can help you succeed in sticking with the goals you set for yourself. That gives you more of that thing we all want more of—-Willpower!
Willpower Awareness
So, as I was mentioning last week, I have this goal to be in the best shape of my life. There is no reason that I can’t achieve my goals. But it will take a lot of work and dedication. That is the issue—not whether I can achieve this but keeping with the program.
I was just 10 days into my new program when I found myself breaking some of my work out and eating goals. Ouch! That pissed me off at myself. Not sticking with my goals was the bad news but there was good news and its news that can help anybody who is serious about setting and sticking with their goals.
What I did was to go back to that great book by Kelly McGonigal PhD, “The Willpower Instinct: How Self Control Works, Why it Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It”. I have this habit of skipping around in books to quickly find the real gems and in doing that I often miss key points. This was one such book. To my great delight, this time around I discovered a few critical secrets that I totally missed before.
I am going to give you just a couple of her gems starting this week and then adding to them in the next week or two. Kelly’s advises readers to try only one new strategy per week so here are a couple options.
1. Get To Know Yourself: Know when and where and why you are likely to give up on your goal. You must be able to see how and why you stop short. So this week I am going to work on becoming more aware of when I am making choices related to my will power. I think it is quite reassuring to know that everyone struggles in some way with temptation, addiction, distraction and procrastination. These are not weaknesses but simply part of the human condition and something we can work on.
2. Pay Attention to How You Talk to Yourself About Your Willpower: What do you say to yourself when you procrastinate and how do you judge your willpower shortcomings and successes?
Put just one of these ideas into practice. Once you become more aware of where the temptation is coming from and what you tell yourself that gives you permission to give up, you will be better able to halt that behavior and stick to your goals.
Check back next week for another couple great ideas.
Growing Ageless
I set a huge goal a few weeks ago–not long after my 68th birthday—to get in the best physical shape of my life!
Now I know that may sound like a bit of fantasy at my age but if you look hard enough you will find some great motivational examples of people well into their 70’s and 80’s and even 90’s who are in super incredible shape.
You may not believe it until you see it so check out these people:
- 77 year old Sizzling Senior, Kelly Nelson
- 70 year old model Sunny Griffin
- 95 year old Merrill Matzinger
Not such a fantasy after all, is it?
My goals is not necessarily to have just a ripped type body but to be in overall great shape which includes getting down to my high school weight of 160 pounds, be super flexible and be able to run faster and longer than ever before! Well, okay, maybe not faster but certainly longer.
There is no reason that I can’t achieve these goals. It is physically possible. But it will take a lot of work and dedication. That is the issue–keeping with the program not whether it’s possible to reach it.
Next week I’ll start talking about that—the role of willpower in our lives. I’ll tell you how to gain successful self-control so you can reach whatever goal you have your heart set on.
**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?
The Power of Empathy
Most of the time, when a couple or friends get into a fight, it’s because one of them is assuming they know why the other person is acting the way they do or reads into something they are saying. The thing is our assumptions are primarily based on how we think or what we would do or say which is not going to be an accurate reflection of the other person. If you try to put yourself into the other person’s shoes first, you might come to a completely different conclusion and misunderstandings can be avoided.
There is a great book, written a couple decades ago but still so very relevant, called “Love is Never Enough†by Aaron T. Beck. The one thing you really take away from this book is the power of empathizing. Beck’s book is full of great advice. Here are just a few points of his to keep in mind:
Ask questions rather than just assume and act on what you “think” the other person is thinking. There is no better way to come to an understanding of someone’s position than to let them tell you what they are thinking.
Try to figure out where the other person’s thoughts are coming from rather than focus on the words alone. What a person says and what the message really is can be quite different.
Don’t’ react defensively. This can just make things worse. Stop and try to figure out what they are feeling and respond to that, not the words themselves.
Remember, just making a sincere effort to understand the other person can do wonders for the relationship. The effort you make shows you care and is also commonly followed up by the other person trying harder to understand your point of view as well.
Regaining Our Patience
I’ve learned to be more patient than ever over the last couple months. With my wife recovering from surgery and not being able to talk, being patient is a must! But it’s not easy to do, especially in a world where everything is at our fingertips, where we can access information and people wirelessly and instantaneously. I think we’re getting a little out of practice. So here are a few things to help you regain your patience when it seems to be a bit thin:
Ask yourself what is so important that you can’t give someone a little extra time to say or do something? Are you truly in a hurry or just feeling anxious or worried?
Ask yourself if it’s the person, the circumstance or an outside issue that is making you impatient? Identifying the reason you a feeling impatient can help you understand and combat it.
Put yourself in shoes of the person you are being impatient with. Are they struggling with their words or ideas? Is this difficult for them to do or say? Maybe you can help in some way or at least empathize with their situation which should diminish your impatience.
Ask yourself, what really matters here? If you really have no time, then kindly excuse yourself noting your schedule crunch but otherwise, focusing on what is important–both of you understanding the point of the conversation, that a task is done right, or that the other person feels a sense of accomplishment when they do complete the task at hand–will help you calm down and redirect your thoughts.
Lastly, take pride in the moments you conquer impatience. These days it often no small feat and the things we are proud of we tend to do more readily in the future.
On Becoming a Good Communicator
“I love people and I listen”
I must admit I am not a very good listener. The quote above is a positive affirmation that has been helping me change this in myself. But what really helped me become a more aware listener and more empathic to others was helping my wife as she recovered from her difficult trachea surgery.
The thing is she couldn’t talk for almost a month. In the hospital she had her chin sewed down to her chest so as not to damage the repair of her trachea. Then after her 10 days in the hospital she was on mandatory voice rest for another 2 plus weeks. She had a pad and would write down her thoughts and comments but of course that is very slow and cumbersome and I could see that growing frustration each day. I found myself trying to figure out what she was thinking since I knew she didn’t want or have the energy to write everything down, so I constantly found myself trying to see the world from her eyes.
Even though my wife wasn’t speaking, this need to pay closer attention made me a more aware listener and because she couldn’t write out every word she wanted to speak she had to be more particular about the words she chose. Because of this our communication became more valuable and we paid closer attention to what the other person had to say .
After this experience I couldn’t help but think about how this might help people who are having relationship problems. I think that if one or both people agreed to not speak a word for, let’s say, a few days or even a week and the only way they could communicate was by writing their thoughts and comments down, I believe it would be incredibly good therapy and help people solve a lot of problems. Why not give it a shot if you are having any struggles with someone. They don’t have to agree to the no talking rules because this experiment can be carried out by just one person. Do it and see if you don’t become a better communicator.
Go Be a Kid
As you may have noticed, things were a little serious here for a bit with my wife’s surgery. Last week, to counter that some, I talked about how laughter is such a great curative. But I also wanted to mention something else that is really great for your mind, body and spirit … letting yourself be a kid again!
The things that weigh on us will be there until they are worked through but you cannot let them overwhelm you and take over your life. Take time to escape and allow yourself to refuel. One of the best ways to do this is simply go back to the things you loved doing as a kid. Go to the zoo, an amusement park, or a playground and goof off. Buy yourself a cool toy or game. You’ll find that occupying yourself with these simple pleasures can completely take you away from all of that “heavy†stuff and take you back to a time when you didn’t have quite so many responsibilities.
You might even try hanging out more with the kids in your life. We can learn amazing things from the young ones who are still just exploring the world. They live in the moment and usually don’t worry about what happened before that time or what will happen later. See if you can’t let go and just enjoy some play time.
**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?
The Healing Power of Laughter
I know the subject matter has been a little heavy the last couple posts–not that it’s any wonder after spending those couple weeks in the hospital watching over my wife. She is doing better every day, by the way. Thank you all for your support and well wishes.
I want to talk more about taking care of yourself but this time, I want to talk about one of the easiest ways to help keep your mind, body and spirit in good shape–laughing. I think human beings have always known that laughter had wonderful side benefits. You even see a reference in the Old Testament to the healing properties of humor: “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.†Although life can be difficult and, at times, discouraging, you can always inject a little humor into your day to pick you up and reduce your worry.
Norman Cousins, in his book “Anatomy of an Illness,†strongly believes that humor cured his debilitating disease. He watched old Marx Brothers movies and allowed himself to laugh uncontrollably. Eventually, he was able to overcome his disease and lived a long and healthy life into his 80s. By laughing!
Laughter has been shown to reduce pain, bolster the immune system and decrease destructive levels of stress. The process of making a joke about something we find dire or frightful can also put situations and how we deal with them into perspective and show us these things aren’t as overwhelming or as scary as they might first appear.
So, if things are getting tough, just remember to laugh (appropriately of course!) Laugh at yourself, laugh at difficult coincidences, look for the silliness in a situation and just let yourself laugh. When you need outside help with this, do as Norman did and watch a funny show or movie or read a humorous book. Get together with friends and let them know you need a good laugh and see if things don’t start to look much brighter and lighter.
**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?
Changing for Better Health BEFORE the Alarms Go Off
Sometimes it takes huge bells on a gigantic clock to wake us up enough to change our thoughts and our habits. But, sadly, too many times when the alarm goes off we hit the snooze button or even sleep right through the loud ringing. I had the opportunity to see quite a few wake-up alarms going off at the hospital in Boston where my wife underwent a difficult surgery and I hope to permanently learn from them.
One such alarm was seeing and talking to a patient who had half her lungs taken out 5 weeks before but was back in the hospital with blood clots. Her husband took me aside and told me how sad it was. His wife smoked but never a lot. Still, she couldn’t seem to give it up. He was really hoping that this was a loud enough wake up bell that she wouldn’t hit the snooze button this time.
Another thing that really hit me was seeing so many obese people in the halls. This wake-up call was more one of empathy for them, knowing many were there for obese related problems. I realized that even though the alarm was going off for them, food addiction is even harder to give up than smoking! Unlike cigarettes, you can’t totally stop eating food, so in a way a person who overeats is constantly teasing and tempting himself or herself every time they eat.
Being in a hospital environment, there are many instances where you are exposed to the problems people have with taking care of themselves. The big take away, at least for me, is knowing that we all need to be much more observant, to see our own selves clearly and see what we need to be doing to stay healthy. We need to figure out better paths to go down before we get the big wake up calls. Additionally, I would say–don’t hit the snooze button! Go out and make the necessary changes—now!
**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?
Using Our Capacity to Help Others to Help Ourselves
As you probably know by now, I have been in Boston helping my wife through some difficult medical procedures. Observing my wife’s first 3 days after her delicate 6 hour surgery, in so much discomfort, pain, suffering and nausea, woke up my empathy beyond words to the point that I desperately wanted to be able to share some of that pain if not take it all myself.
Then after the first 3 days knowing that Kimberly’s condition didn’t allow her to eat a single morsel of food it really hit me just how long we can go without food and not damage our health. I decided to give Kimberly some moral support by not eating for 3 days. Not that she uttered one word of complaint in that time but I knew it would help her–and me–to be in this together. To be honest, I did have one small salad each of the 3 days I did this because I had to take care of myself to some extent to continue to have strength to be there for her.
The thing is, being here and realizing what we really can do for each other, the suffering we can take on for others has got me thinking about how much we could take on for ourselves. We tend to avoid pain, discomfort and difficult situations even when we know it would be better for us to go through the hard times to get to a better place in our lives. So it got me thinking … if we will go through so much because of our love for another person, couldn’t we do this for the love of ourselves?
It’s something to think about the next time you hesitate to take on a difficult challenge. Do you love yourself enough to do this to make your life better?
**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?
