Our Very Human Individuality and Commonality
May 19, 2024 by MarkHaroldsen
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I’m sure that you would agree that no two lives are exactly the same. This is true with people’s personalities, physical fitness, intelligence, disabilities, routines, and many other aspects of our lives. I’ve always been very impressed by how all humans are unique individuals. Sure, we may find we have a lot of similarities with many, many other people but we’ll never find someone that is exactly the same as us.
I’m pretty certain that if you met someone who looked exactly like you and their thinking seemed to match yours to a T, you would be greatly surprised and maybe even super shocked. But it’s so very unlikely that a meeting like that would ever happen. I’ve lived and visited tons of cities and countries and have met thousands of people, but I’ve never met another person just like me.
That is one of the things I get from doing so much traveling. I’ve meet and seen people from all over and they are all unique. I am always amazed at how very different people can be, especially once I meet and get to know them.
When it comes to travel, I owe my father big time. My father and I were so very different, but he introduced me to traveling and all the benefits it brings to a person, not just during or immediately after the travel but, pretty much, to their entire life going forward.
No, my father and I were not similar to each other in most ways, but he introduced me to this one thing that we both love that has been life changing in so many good ways.
It started a long time ago, when I was only 15. He took me and the family to Ankara, Turkey when he changed jobs. And, wow, did that ever change my life! It was such a positive thing for me in that it gave me the travel bug and introduced me to different cultures. That experience pushed me to travel throughout the rest of my life, and so I have continued to reap the benefit of those experiences, seeing different cultures, and meeting all these really different and interesting people.
So, yes, I have done a ton of traveling including visiting 96 different countries. My strong desire to travel even motivated me to plan my honeymoon, not just as a destination vacation, but as a trip to go around the world visiting numerous places, and we spent a wonderful 28 days doing that.
I am of the belief that if all humans could do a lot of traveling, it would make the world a safer and better place. It’s funny how we think we know what other people, or other cultures, will be like just from the things we’ve read or from movies or TV shows. But I think it takes actually being there to see and understand others and realize that we’re all just human beings who are not really all that different after all.
So, as unique as people are, it helps to realize that we all share being human and having really human experiences, emotions, problems, and hopes. If we could all appreciate these commonalities while valuing the fascinating uniqueness that we each have, I believe we could all be more sympathetic, understanding, and supportive of our fellow human beings all over the world.
A Profound and Particular Connection
June 12, 2015 by MarkHaroldsen
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My wife and I recently visited the home of the famous painter Rembrandt, here in Amsterdam. Rembrandt was quite an astute businessman as well as a gifted artist. Unfortunately he wasn’t home when we stopped by—ha ha–but his beautiful artwork was everywhere and it was pretty darn impressive, I must say.
I also had a very short but interesting conversation with a friendly guard at the Rembrandt home. It all started with a favorite comment of mine that I made as we parted ways. It really seemed to get to him but in a good way. I said “Have a nice life!” And he enthusiastically said “Wow. Thanks a lot. I think I will plan on doing just that”. That started the short conversation. But my next comment seemed to really hit a nerve, again, in a good way as he went on to say he’d never thought of the life of human beings in the way I said it.
What I said was simply that I think that all of us humans, even though we are from different countries, cultures, religions and speak different languages, we are all so very much the same. We all share at least one thing in common that should bring us even closer together as humans, especially in today’s world with the killing of so many innocent people in the name of “belief” or different world views. He wanted to know what that ‘one thing’ was that we all share no matter who we are, what we believe or where we live.
What I said was, “No matter who you are, whether you are rich or poor, educated or not, as powerful as king or a president or as helpless as a new born child, we all are going to die.” I know that is obvious but it’s something we should think about more often when we are feeling high and mighty or are judging other people and what they are doing with their lives. The fact is that not one person out of the 7 billion people on the earth right now will be here in another 120 years or so. We all are in the same boat so why not make that the best possible boat in the universe and treat others as our brothers and sisters with great love and respect?
As we walked away from this very kind and interesting Dutch man, I think both he and I thought, “I think I have a new friend”.
The Power of Empathy
Most of the time, when a couple or friends get into a fight, it’s because one of them is assuming they know why the other person is acting the way they do or reads into something they are saying. The thing is our assumptions are primarily based on how we think or what we would do or say which is not going to be an accurate reflection of the other person. If you try to put yourself into the other person’s shoes first, you might come to a completely different conclusion and misunderstandings can be avoided.
There is a great book, written a couple decades ago but still so very relevant, called “Love is Never Enough†by Aaron T. Beck. The one thing you really take away from this book is the power of empathizing. Beck’s book is full of great advice. Here are just a few points of his to keep in mind:
Ask questions rather than just assume and act on what you “think” the other person is thinking. There is no better way to come to an understanding of someone’s position than to let them tell you what they are thinking.
Try to figure out where the other person’s thoughts are coming from rather than focus on the words alone. What a person says and what the message really is can be quite different.
Don’t’ react defensively. This can just make things worse. Stop and try to figure out what they are feeling and respond to that, not the words themselves.
Remember, just making a sincere effort to understand the other person can do wonders for the relationship. The effort you make shows you care and is also commonly followed up by the other person trying harder to understand your point of view as well.