GBAs and PBAs
May 22, 2022 by MarkHaroldsen
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Just the other day, I was going through a ton of old stuff of mine. Most of it was old paperwork including my past journals in which I wrote mainly about my thoughts and actions, from work stuff to family trips.
I began reading a journal I wrote between 2003 and 2004. That brought back both good and bad memories. I particularly liked reading of my thoughts when going to a foreign country which always lifts my brain and body. I took my kids and, later, my grandkids on these trips. They were so much fun and always pushed my enjoyment of life to a higher level. It did the same for the kids and grandkids. When I just stay home and do almost nothing, the lack of activity causes me to get depressed.
In my journal, I wrote about Martin Seligman, and was reminded of his advice. Martin Seligman is a psychologist and author who gives talks and writes about positive psychology and what it can do for our well-being. He believes we should follow our passions, the type that takes us away to that wonderful place of total engagement. For me, that is usually writing. Amazingly enough, however, I spend so little time doing it these days!
Seligman believes it is vitally important, especially as an antidote to depression, to engage oneself in activities and projects that challenge us and cause us to think. That effort gratifies us as opposed to activities that take little or no thinking and require very little effort. For me, it is obvious that writing is in the first category of gratification-based activities, or GBA. That second category is pleasure-based activities, or PBA.
Here are two lists — one of gratification-based activities (GBA) and the other of pleasure-based activities (PBA). Which one do you think lifts the mind and body to a higher level?
PBA:
- Watching T.V.
- Shopping
- Drinking at a bar
- Excessive sleeping
- Eating favorite foods
- Back rubs/massages
GBA
- Writing
- Reading good books
- Stimulating conversations
- Playing tennis
- Hiking in the mountains
- Social gatherings
There are lots more on my list, but I don’t want to bore you. I’m sure you can make a great list of your own.
I should note that pleasure-based activities are not necessarily bad. The thing to remember is that when indulging in pleasures, you should try to enhance them by being very mindful and aware of what you’re doing, taking time to savor those pleasurable moments. It also helps to spread out the PBAs as well as change them up to keep them fresh and novel. The brain really loves novelty.
Paying attention to how the things we do in our life lifts our brains and bodies, or doesn’t, can help us to make better choices in how we spend our time. Pleasurable things are nice in the moment, but doing something that leaves us feeling gratified can give us a boost for days, weeks, or even years. We humans can, in fact, choose to change and lift our minds and find greater levels of gratification in so much of what we do.
Focusing on the Kids
July 25, 2021 by MarkHaroldsen
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Kids, kids, kids! Don’t you love them? Maybe not all of them, all the time, but for the most part. When I watch kids play, I can’t help but smile and chuckle a bit, especially watching the toddlers or a newborn.
Last week I was overwhelmed and thrilled that my daughter Cammy gave birth to her 2nd child — an absolutely darling and beautiful baby girl weighing 5 pounds 13 ounces. That brings my grandchildren count to 20! As I held the little girl in my arms and looked into her face, I shed a few tears. Tears of joy.
When I look at kids and how fun, playful, and darling they are, I am stunned and sickened by the thought of those adults that physically or sexually abuse these wonderful, innocent kids. I’m always appalled when I see or read about this kind of thing. It motivates me to go out of my way to do more kind and good things for kids.
I really need to spend more time with my own children and grandkids as well as go out of my way to help kids that have suffered abuse or neglect. Those are some of my new goals. I also would challenge my readers to go out of their way to protect kids and be on the lookout for adults who may be hurting kids either physically or mentally. Let’s all be more aware of this kind of thing and take action when we see or hear of such questionable activity.
I’ve set a few more goals for myself as it relates to my children and grandkids and even their friends:
1. Take them hiking
2. For those who can ride, take them biking.
3. Give those that are old enough tennis lessons.
4. Read to them.
And that’s just the beginning of my list. Assisting kids and giving them a bit of direction on what to do with their lives is something else I’d like to help them with. I think helping kids can help change the world for the better, not just for them, but for all of us.
Of Gratitude and Appreciation
August 16, 2019 by MarkHaroldsen
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A few days ago, after returning from California where I had a wonderful, belated 75th birthday celebration with all my kids and grandkids, I was walking out in front of the airport looking for an Uber driver when suddenly, a lady walked right in front of me, pulling a suitcase on wheels that tripped me and smashed me onto the concrete.
Next thing I knew, I woke up, flat on my back and was looking up at a policeman, a security guard, and about 8 or 10 other people staring down at me asking if I was alright. I finally answered and said that I thought I was okay. They asked if they should call the paramedics, but I said, “No, I think I’m okay.â€Â However, I wasn’t.
Throughout the day, the pain in my left arm and rib cage kept getting worse. So, my wife, Kimberly, drove me to a medical clinic and the x-rays showed a broken rib and severely damaged left shoulder. And to add to my misery, a few days later I had terrible stomach problems with even more pain so that I could hardly get out of bed.
So, what’s the point of this story? Bad things like this can be, and many times are, good lessons that we need to learn from. What is learned, if anything, in cases like this? It’s fascinating to me that it often takes bad stuff happening to us humans to pound into our brains that thing called gratitude as well as an appreciation for all the good times we have had with few problems — everything from our good health, to our family, friends, finances, and freedom that we have in this great country.
After this latest accident and minor health setback I came across a list that I wrote in my journal on June 27th, 2013. My list was entitled “What I Am Grateful Forâ€. From time to time I read down that list, and it lifts my spirits and my appreciation of what I have, big time.
Here is my list. I hope you also have written or will decide to write your own “Gratitude and appreciation listâ€. I highly recommend it and be sure to review if from time to time. You will see that it can lift your mind, your spirts and your life to a higher level, especially when you need it most.
I AM SO VERY GRATEFUL FOR …
- A wonderful, loving wife.
- A wonderful life.
- Great kids and grandkids.
- My beautiful view from our house of the valley and mountains.
- Super vacations and world travel.
- Warm and helpful friends.
- Financial stability.
- Incredible health … most of the time.
- A fairly clear-thinking brain.
- Discovery of the power of “self affirmationsâ€.
- My super great mentors that helped me so much.
- The deer and coyotes we’ve seen in our yard.
- The moose I saw while hiking in the mountains.
- My wonderful work staff.
- My thoughts for writing my blog and the positive feedback I receive.
- A very warm and comfortable bed.
- Our beautiful Kauai home and time spent there in the winter.
- A cuddling, warm wife.
- The great Wimbledon tennis matches I’ve attended.
- My ex-wife’s love of Kimberly and vice versa.
Again, I hope you go make your own list if you haven’t already. Having boundless gratitude and appreciation, even for the little things in life truly does enhance a person’s life. Do it. You won’t be sorry.
Raise Your AOG and Everyone Benefits
September 2, 2017 by MarkHaroldsen
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Last week I briefly mentioned the great importance of the “Attitude of Gratitude” or AOG. I’ve noticed how my own life gets better and better as I become more and more grateful to, and for, other human beings.
When I look back at my life I see so many people that helped me. Some were mentors while others were very helpful friends and relatives and I gained so much and am so very, very grateful to them and to so many books that lifted my life. And now as I get older I am even more grateful and want to give back or pay it forward to the max.
I’ve tried to give back for a number of years through my speeches and books, but I must admit, a lot of that was selfish and I did profit greatly, both from the great ‘feel good’ reward but also financially. Now I am more interested in just purely giving back and helping people improve all parts of their lives–from health to wealth to that great feeling of accomplishment, satisfaction and happiness.
I try to do that through this blog and am determined to do a better job and reach out and help more and more people and the only pay I want is the huge payment of finding out and knowing that I’ve touched and helped improved other people’s lives. With this blog, I am going to reach out to many others from my list of friends and relatives and I’d like to ask you to help me, if you kindly would, by forwarding this post to people that you think it would help.
I have two very good friends that have been immensely successful–one is a huge worldwide, bestselling author and the other is one of the best comedian’s in the USA. Both these great guys write blogs and I mentioned to each that I love what they write but many times I forget to log on to their blog sites. Both of them began emailing me their new blogs each week, which makes it so easy to keep up on their posts and I never forget to read them. You can do that with my blog as well just by clicking here or going to the links in the upper right of this post’s page.
So, to your friends and relatives who may receive this email, here’s what my blog’s mostly cover. How a person can make big bucks–as in millions and multi-millions of dollars–in today’s world, hints on living a more healthy and longer life, ways to get be more fulfilled, content and happy, keys and hints for more loving relationships of family and friends, how to get and stay motivated, methods to improved mental and physical energy, more info on the great power that writing goals down and, of course, me always pushing my readers to set great, big goals but being satisfied taking baby steps to reach those goals.
I sure hope you will help me out and forward this post on to others and maybe they will also want to help other people and pass it on! And I do sincerely hope you and others will share my great AOG. You just give this a try and see how it makes you feel as well as the other person. Tell 5 people in the next few days how much you appreciate them and that you have a huge amount of gratitude for all that they do and all that they are as a human being. It sure makes you, plus a lot of other people, feel so very good!
The Inspiration of Children
May 19, 2017 by MarkHaroldsen
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Kids, Kids, Kids! What would the world be without them? The older I get the more I’m impressed with and love kids. We can all learn so much from them, whether it’s observing the super-fast learning ability of a baby or watching teenagers and their progression in this world. The month of May is so very significant for me in terms of kids, both in a good way and a very, very bad way.
Many years ago, my precious, wonderful, and beautiful daughter, Kristin, died from an eating disorder and, hopefully, passed peacefully on into another existence. I can’t put in words how that tragic event hit me, I’ve said many times since that you never get over losing your child, you just learn to deal with it! That horrific event happened on May 2nd.
But then 5 years ago, also on May 2nd, our family was blessed with the birth of another grandson, Oliver Haroldsen. To add to my May blessings, his mother is expected to deliver twin girls later this month.
A few nights ago, on May 17th, so much of the events of this significant month was brought back to my mind as I presented the Kristin Haroldsen memorial scholarships to 5 incredible Cottonwood High School senior girls. I was so very impressed, not only by their high GPA’s of 3.7 and above, but by how many other activities and achievements they were involved with. They also gave so much of their time and efforts to so many charitable causes. Their hard work and generosity is something we can all learn from and aim to duplicate.
Giving to others, whether it’s money, time, or physical help, not only is a great benefit and aid to these people, but improves and lifts the world including giving so much satisfaction, pleasure and happiness to the person who does the giving. Even a small gift, such as my practice of randomly giving kids a $2-dollar bill gives me a real mental boost. I usually say to the parent “Hey, this is a lucky $2-dollar bill; you see I’m an investor and that $1,000 dollar smile on your kid’s face is my reward.” And then I add, “Don’t you agree with me that that’s a darn good return on my investment?”
Bottom line … I think we all should remember to give, give, and give to others because, hey, if you do that everybody is a winner and gets a great big, fat return.
Learning About What It Takes to Make it to 100 … from Kids
January 27, 2017 by MarkHaroldsen
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I’m am sure hoping that you, my reader, are not getting tired of me talking about being on the beautiful beaches of Kauai and sharing some of my insights and discoveries on life and living. Why? Well, because I’m once again on the beach and am still thinking, talking and writing about “100 wonderful ways to live to be 100”. I do, however, want to add one of my own to that list to make it the list of “101 Ways to Live to be 100.â€
The list of 100 does include “have a family” but I would add this to the list:
101. Hang out, play with, observe, and learn lessons from your kids and grandkids.
This addition to the list is one activity that will certainly bring a smile to your face and, no doubt, will add years to your life. Right now, as I write this, I’m watching my son and grandson as they begin their snorkeling adventure not too far from the shoreline. Their excitement, especially my grandson’s, is so sky high because it’s such a new experience for him. Meanwhile, I can see my wife and our 4-year-old grandson and his 8-year-old sister having an absolute ball splashing in a very small and shallow pool of water surrounded by coral and lava rock. Such simple entertainment can bring such a high level of joy and happiness.
As adults, we can, and should, learn so much from these kids. Why do such simple activities bring so much pure joy and entertainment? It’s because these things are new and unusual for them and our brains are always seeking novelty. When we experience new things, our brains are stimulated to produce two brain chemicals that make us happy, excite us, and make us feel good. Those two brain chemicals are serotonin and dopamine. The problem with being adults is that basically we’ve been there and done that so many times that it’s not new, novel, or exciting to us.
Heavens … you can give a small kid a cardboard box and it can keep him entertained and happy for an hour or more as the kid crawls in and out, over and under, or makes it into as a hiding place. As adults, we can, and usually do, get great satisfaction and joy from just watching kids do these things, especially when those kids are having a blast doing them.
So, my 101 on the list is to take time to hang out and closely observe kids doing, what is to them, new things and watch how much joy and fun they get out of it. Then go one step further (and maybe this step should count as 102 on the list) and challenge yourself to come up with new activities, adventures and experiences that are very novel to you and that will most likely stimulate those two pleasurable brain chemicals.
I’m pretty darn certain that stimulating those brain chemicals is a major factor in how I push myself to visit new and different countries and cultures and to go out of my way to meet new people and make new friends. Just today I saw this very tall, good-looking guy at Walmart and noticed he had an accent. I just had to go up and ask where he was from. My guess from his height and accent was that he was Dutch. And, sure enough, he was from the Netherlands. Rob turned out to be a film maker vacationing in Kauai. Even though it was a short conversation, we decided to stay in touch and I walked away feeling great from the brief encounter because, yep, those two brain chemicals were at work.
What new and novel things excite you? If you need help identifying new things to do and try, just ask around and see what other novel and exciting things people are doing. These new experiences don’t need to be elaborate or expensive. The simple act of meeting Rob today was great, and even just driving through a totally different neighborhood, or walking, hiking or jogging on a new mountain trail can do the trick. Take time right now to make your own list. It can be eating at a new restaurant, eating a new type of food, trying out a new exercise, or making friends with complete strangers.
It’s all so worth it because not only does it make you feel good right now but it’s bound to help you live longer and live in better health–maybe even to live to be 100!!
Go Be a Kid
As you may have noticed, things were a little serious here for a bit with my wife’s surgery. Last week, to counter that some, I talked about how laughter is such a great curative. But I also wanted to mention something else that is really great for your mind, body and spirit … letting yourself be a kid again!
The things that weigh on us will be there until they are worked through but you cannot let them overwhelm you and take over your life. Take time to escape and allow yourself to refuel. One of the best ways to do this is simply go back to the things you loved doing as a kid. Go to the zoo, an amusement park, or a playground and goof off. Buy yourself a cool toy or game. You’ll find that occupying yourself with these simple pleasures can completely take you away from all of that “heavy†stuff and take you back to a time when you didn’t have quite so many responsibilities.
You might even try hanging out more with the kids in your life. We can learn amazing things from the young ones who are still just exploring the world. They live in the moment and usually don’t worry about what happened before that time or what will happen later. See if you can’t let go and just enjoy some play time.
**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?