The Miracle of My USA

I was going to tell you more about what I’ve learned about increasing longevity and enjoying excellent health through all the years of your life. But something else has been on my mind this past week.

I have been reminded many times through my writing and reading, that everything I do should be connected to that good ole USA. Okay, do you remember what USA is for me? It’s pretty simple and, no, it doesn’t stand for the country I live in. It’s an acronym I use to remind myself to live a life of Unconditional Self-Acceptance.

I know a lot of us struggle with accepting and loving ourselves unconditionally. We can be so very self-critical. But even if you’ve worked hard to have good, positive inner self talk and can truly say to yourself that you love and accept who you are, negativity can still sneak in. It’s not a given that once you’ve learned to accept yourself unconditionally that you’ll always accept and love yourself unconditionally.

You just have to give that USA some thought from time to time, and if you do, you will discover that living with that USA on the top of your mind will really lift your life. It can do this for pretty much any part of your life, from your career to your relationships. 

It’s so easy to forget about the meaning of my version of USA but it really can make a huge difference in your life. If you make Unconditional Self-Acceptance a super big goal for yourself, and think about it on a regular basis, you will see that by being more and more accepting of yourself and your life you’ll find more success, happiness, and contentment. And that’s because it’s that negativity and self-doubt that can really bring us down.

Whenever I focus on my USA, it helps lift my life in so many ways. It improves the way I do business as well as giving me the confidence and dedication I need to write my books. It has even lifted the quality of my tennis game. I’ve also seen how it can improve my relationships with my dear and wonderful hard-working wife, my super kids, and all my wonderful grand kids. Because when I can accept and love myself, it’s easier to love and accept everybody and everything about the people around me. And I mean everybody. Yes, everyone from new friends to long time buddies and, of course, family members!  

I’m sure you’re familiar with the feeling of being around people who don’t seem to like themselves very much. It can bring everybody down. So, if you stay focused on the good ole USA, you’ll be in a position to lift the lives of everyone around you instead of bringing them down.

It really does work. I say it even borders on the miraculous.

Surefire Goal Success

To have and use goals in our lives is so very, very important and I sure believe that it was when I set a goal years ago to make it to millionaire status, that this decision became the most critical resolution of my financial life.

Goal setting really is a kind of magic, one that really works. Of course, there are a couple of things that truly drive a person to reach their goals. I’ve written about this before but it’s so important in our lives and, besides, when I write about stuff like this, it pushes me to make sure I keep striving to do these things I’m telling you are so good for your life.

One of the critical things that give you a huge push to accomplish whatever goal you set is writing it down on paper or on your computer. You see, for me, when I write it down, especially on paper, and post it somewhere I can easily see it, I get to review it daily which is a really huge help.

In my book, How to Ignite Your Passion for Living, I have a chapter, Chapter 7, entitled “The Surefire Way to Stick with Every Goal”. Now, let me tell you about this while I basically plagiarize my own writing. (Don’t tell my wife!)

In that chapter, I write about how to stick with your goals, including using B-RAM, which stands for Benefits, Reasons, and Motivations. This is a list of clearly defined reasons why you want to go after your chosen goal. Now, how does that work?

First of all, you have to think through what your big dream is. Second, you want to know for sure that that this big dream is what you really want out of life, and you can do that by writing down all the benefits, reasons, and motivations – your B-RAM. Third, write the goal down with a timeframe attached.

After you know what you want and why, and you have set your goal, you need to work out an action plan, breaking the goal into short and medium interim goals and action items. That list, especially when written down, pushes you to achieve what you have set as your goal. This little formula has worked for me with relationships, making tons of money, and even winning a gold medal in tennis at the Huntsman World Senior Games.

Most experts agree that if the benefits are powerful enough and if we have strong enough reasons, then our motivation will burn white hot inside of us, to the point that nothing in the world can stop us. So, in those moments that you may feel discouraged, take out your B-RAM lists and read them over and over again. This will re-motivate you and, again, turn on all your mental and physical juices and energy. The likelihood of you remaining down or wanting to quit will be much, much less. Believe me–I know it works!

So, I really hope that you will try this and maybe even teach it to others like your kids, your friends, and anyone that you truly want to help!

A Reminder

My wonderful editor, Sage Bray, sent me a reminder email this week asking if I had my blog for this week and, if so, to send it to her for her to make necessary changes or suggestions. Yes, she sent me the email just as a “reminder”. She does this most every week, just to keep us on schedule. But this week, her little email was also a good “reminder” for an idea, one I could use for this week’s blog post.

That idea is that “reminders” can do such great things for us, as long as we pay attention and follow through on them. We receive them in all kinds of ways. The source of “reminders” are everything from notes to yourself of what needs to be done or phone calls, emails, or a kind verbal reminder from our spouse, friends, boss, children or even strangers, who remind us unknowingly, that something needs to get done, soon or even right now.

Those reminders can also be just thoughts that jump into our mind, usually stimulated by something we saw on TV or read in the newspaper or read in a book or an email from a friend. Great reminders for all kinds of things we didn’t know we needed reminding about really are everywhere. I think we just have to be open to asking ourselves, “Is this something I need to do or pay attention to now, or more often?” We have so many things always pushing to be on the top of our mind and so some things get lost. Reminders help us dig out those really important things that are getting pushed down.

Can you imagine a world without reminders? The world we be such a different place and not in a good way—so many things just wouldn’t get done. It would be hard to improve our lives without reminders. Our relationships and our wellbeing could suffer if we aren’t reminded of those important things that keep them strong. Most, if not all reminders should be written down. Or at least the most important ones, the ones that will have really bad consequences if they’re missed. And, yes, reminders are like goals that we set for ourselves, just usually short term, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t as important as our big goals or at least the steps to reach those big goals.

So here is a reminder for you to just pay attention and look for the reminders that pop up during your day. We can’t remember everything we need to do all the time but reminders are there to help us remember the important stuff. Just look for them.

The Great Gratitude List

Although I’ve had a few small health challenges of late, I’ve been feeling a bit better and even more healthy in some ways. I was also grateful that I had not gotten COVID but, oops, it finally caught me! Ouch. Talk about feeling strong and healthy and then suddenly losing all of it and feeling ten times as terrible or even more!

COVID sure got its revenge, but I am finally feeling much better. My terrible experience of feeling so sick struck me hard and made me realize more fully how much good stuff we really have in our lives. I’ve been reminded of just how much we tend to take for granted, at least until we lose some of that great stuff. It’s not just health we take for granted, but happiness and our great friends and family as well. Not many people, including myself, take time to think about these things, maybe taking even less time to count them or make a list of all the wonderful things in our lives so we can really appreciate how much we have. But when things turn bad, and the things we just assume will be there each day aren’t there, that’s when we finally come to truly understand what they mean in our lives. However, it really shouldn’t be just at those times that we realize that.

It’s no surprise that my recent fight with COVID had me thinking about how much I have to be super grateful for. It led me to the idea of listing all the things I am grateful for right now, with a goal to add to that list over time. Of course, I’ll need to include reviewing that list when I’m feeling poorly, am hard on myself, or when my thoughts or actions are bringing my mind and attitude down.

I think that last part is particularly important. Reviewing these kinds of lists can really help the human mind focus and see the positive in our daily lives and beyond. And I do think I have one of those human minds that can use that kind of help. Okay, maybe sometimes my wife doesn’t think my mind is very human!

Sorry! I was just kidding about my wife. She is always so supportive and a really great person. She is one of the things I am super grateful for and I never want to forget that, not even for a moment.

I’m not alone wishing I was more grateful more often for all the many wonderful things I have, am I? If you’re like me, why don’t you give a “Gratitude List” a try. See if it doesn’t help you focus and appreciate all the great things your life has in it!

Gratitude Pays Off

I’ve written several posts on the powerful benefits of gratitude and what good things it can do for your life. In these days of the pandemic, I would guess most of us look back and see all the things we took for granted that we have not had or been able to do this past year. I sure have!

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I didn’t realize how very, very important being social is to us humans until it was almost totally taken away from us all. But now, as we slowly pull out of this COVID thing with so many people getting vaccines (and yes, I got mine), we can really appreciate and be more grateful for all we have.

Recently, I read about scientific studies that found that we gain dozens of significant benefits from having gratitude in our lives. For instance, having gratitude…

• Fosters very positive feelings.
• Gives you a sense of wellbeing.
• Eases our anxiety and depression.
• Promotes physical health.
• Improves our relationships.
• Helps us sleep better.
• Improves our psychological health and gives us more mental strength.
• Helps us relax.
• Makes you friendlier.
• Helps your marriage.
• Deepens friendships.
• Increases your productivity.
• Helps you make friends.
• Can benefit your career.

There are many more benefits to having a high degree of gratitude in your life, but for me, this list is a darn good start and a great reminder for me to be more and more grateful.

We should be really super grateful for living in this great country of America. Most of us have a fairly high standard of living. Having traveled and visited 94 countries and having seen the poverty and poor people of China, South Africa, and many other places, I am very grateful for what I have and where I live.

Also, I think of all of my good friends and family, how grateful they are for us. They are close most of the time and are there for us when we need them. I think, of all my great friends and kids and grandkids and am so grateful for all of them, especially my great wife Kimberly. She is the best and I am so lucky and grateful to have her. Even my ex-wife Lois seems to be grateful for me and I certainly am grateful to her for being so accepting of me and my new family.

I encourage you all to take time to make a list of those things, people, and situations that you are grateful for. Taking even just 5 minutes to start your own “Gratitude Journal” could have some fantastic benefits. I’ve done that, and it quite surprised me to see how long the list became. Yes, go do it. You’ll be glad you did.

And yes, I’m also very grateful to you, my readers. Thank you so much for reading and for your support.

Dodging a Bullet

All I have to say is a double WOW… I worried myself sick after the doctor told me there is a 90% chance that my right main heart artery is 100% blocked. We scheduled an angiogram and just before they wheeled me in the doctor tells me that if my left main artery is also blocked then they will have to do open heart surgery. Of course, that last comment scared me to death and I started thinking about dying. Hey, I’ve had a good nearly 69 years and a lot of people get much less than that.

So there I am in the operating room staring at the ceiling as the doctor gets to work. (They don’t put you under for an angiogram.) I think back on my life and that everyone has to die and maybe it’s my turn now.  Less than an hour later they wheel my bed back to the hospital room where my wife Kimberly is waiting. Then the WOW news!! And what was that news?

“We didn’t find any blockage. All the tests, cat scans and nuclear stress EKG’s that you had that showed a blockage were wrong. It was a false positive.”

Did that ever make my day … or life! But what a lot of stress I went through to get there. I guess that kind of proves the old adage that “What we worry about the most doesn’t usually happen.”

But there was a good lesson that I learned. It goes back to what the Buddhist have said for years … that everyone of us needs to mentally go through in our heads the process of dying (to die before we die) so when we do get to that point in our lives where we really are going to die, it makes that transition much easier to accept and to embrace.

So yes, I dodged a bullet. Even if I did have a stent put in or had open heart surgery the chances of survival would have been very high but still, dodging that bullet helped me prepare myself for the inevitable. It also gave me pause so that I took a good hard look at the relationships I have with family and friends and renewed my vow to do more with my life.

But you don’t have to go through an unnecessary scare like this to appreciate and reaffirm the strength and importance of your relationships and really see what you are doing with your life. Just ask yourself, if I died today, would I feel that I was the kind of person I wanted to be for the people I love and am doing what I really want with my live? Then listen carefully and well to the answers and make the changes you want to see while you still have the time here to do it.

On Becoming a Good Communicator

“I love people and I listen”

I must admit I am not a very good listener. The quote above is a positive affirmation that has been helping me change this in myself. But what really helped me become a more aware listener and more empathic to others was helping my wife as she recovered from her difficult trachea surgery.

The thing is she couldn’t talk for almost a month. In the hospital she had her chin sewed down to her chest so as not to damage the repair of her trachea. Then after her 10 days in the hospital she was on mandatory voice rest for another 2 plus weeks. She had a pad and would write down her thoughts and comments but of course that is very slow and cumbersome and I could see that growing frustration each day. I found myself trying to figure out what she was thinking since I knew she didn’t want or have the energy to write everything down, so I constantly found myself trying to see the world from her eyes.

Even though my wife wasn’t speaking, this need to pay closer attention made me a more aware listener and because she couldn’t write out every word she wanted to speak she had to be more particular about the words she chose. Because of this our communication became more valuable and we paid closer attention to what the other person had to say .

After this experience I couldn’t help but think about how this might help people who are having relationship problems. I think that if one or both people agreed to not speak a word for, let’s say, a few days or even a week and the only way they could communicate was by writing their thoughts and comments down, I believe it would be incredibly good therapy and help people solve a lot of problems. Why not give it a shot if you are having any struggles with someone. They don’t have to agree to the no talking rules because this experiment can be carried out by just one person. Do it and see if you don’t become a better communicator.