We Make a Wonderful Life Together

Last week I mentioned going to your family and friends for help as you try to figure out what you need in your life to be successful. These very important people in your life know you, sometimes a little better than you do, and their support is so very important to keep you motivated and keep your spirit up when things get rough. I’ve been thinking a lot about that this past week.

Yesterday, my wife Kimberly and I flew out to Boston in order for her to get surgery from the best medical team in the country for what she’s dealing with. We’ve had such overwhelming support from family and friends as we’ve prepared for this. One of our dear friends, Dr. Kellee Shea, wife of the 2002 Olympic gold medal winner Jimmy Shea, is flying out to Boston to be with my wife and be her advocate at the hospital. Isn’t it just wonderful when friends will go to that length to support you?

It’s not just Dr. Shea though. We have all kinds of friends from all different backgrounds and beliefs–Jewish, Catholic, Muslim, Mormon, Methodist, Buddhist, Hindu etc. putting Kimberly’s name in their prayers, temples, synagogues, and meditation rooms. All I can say to them is thank you so very much for caring and with all that spiritual power I am sure all will go well.

It’s times like these that make you stop and think … how would we ever make it in this life if we were all alone without the support of family and friends? These people are so valuable to you, to your goals, and to the quality of your life. So go to these people and get their help. And, to improve your life even more, be there when they need you and be sure they know you are there for them. We make a wonderful life for ourselves, not on our own, but together.

What topics would you like to read more about? What are your favorite posts you’ve read so far? Help me make this blog as helpful as possible to you and the other readers by letting me know what you’d like to read more of at marko@reincome.com. —MOH.

My Own Self-Check List, Part 2

So … did you go through the questions I gave you last week, the ones that will help you focus on becoming super successful? Did you find that they brought up all kinds of ideas and aspects of yourself and your life you hadn’t thought about too much before?

Today, I have an additional ten questions for you. These really get into the big picture of who you are and what you want. Go ahead and actually write down your answers. If there are any answers that you aren’t happy with–things you discover that you would like to change or know you need to address–highlight them. Then spend some time either journaling or talking to friends and family about what you need to do so that not too long from now, you can answer these questions with positive statements that show you know who you are and where you are going with your life.

11. Have I set goals big enough to energize my mind, body and soul to the point that these objectives are my core or dominant thoughts?
12. Do I want to be my own boss?
13. Do people like me and can I inspire others with my dreams and goals so they will follow me and help me achieve my objectives?
14. Am I a generalist who can delegate to others or a specialist who must do everything myself?
15. Do I have a great degree of intuitive ability or am I very gullible and can easily be deceived?
16. Am I able to take major disappointment and bounce right back?
17. Do I have the right paradigm or view of the world that will drive the right attitude in myself? (I must always remember that if I don’t like my life I must change my attitude and thinking.)
18. Do I use the huge and great power of “choice”? (Mankind’s most powerful attribute)
19. Do I ‘borrow’ the brains of others through personal contacts, books, cd’s, podcasts, texting, emails etc.?
20. Can I, and do I, adapt and adjust my goals to economic, political, technological, and relationship changes?

What topics would you like to read more about? What are your favorite posts you’ve read so far? Help me make this blog as helpful as possible to you and the other readers by letting me know what you’d like to read more of at marko@reincome.com. —MOH.

My Own Self-Check List, Part 1

I was getting myself better organized the other day and came across a list of 20 questions that I used in the past to help me focus on qualities I wanted to see in myself in order to have my own “Super Success”. I wrote the list back in December 2003 but reading it over, I found it just as relevant now as I did back then, so I wanted to share it with you all. I believe these, or your own personal variation, can help just about anyone.

Here are the first 10 and next week I will post the second group of 10. Read the list and ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I being pro-active?
2. Do I believe in myself (How’s my self-esteem doing?)
3. Am I being “time conscious? (Life is very short so I want to live every day to the fullest. Even if I live to be 80 years old, that’s only a little over 700,000 hours!)
4. Do I spend time, planning, calculating, and running the numbers on various projects that I want to see succeed?
5. Do I make decisions that need to be made? Am I decisive enough and realize that it’s better to make more decisions and be wrong than to not be decisive?
6. Am I staying organized and do I keep working on being better at it?
(I test myself by observing my desk, my files, and even the backseat of my car.)
7. Do I do what I say I am going to do, both to myself and to others?
(My word needs to be my bond—my reputation will follow. My honor is my greatest power)
8. Do I have high ambitions and enough energy to follow through?
(I remind myself often of how I can create extra energy–like having great ideas and dreams along with focus for extra energy.)
9. How do I stick with a project?
10. How is my discipline factor? (I must remember that if I want to rule the world or any part of my own world I must rule myself first.)

If you find this list helpful–please feel free to pass it on to others that may benefit from it. And I would love it if you would drop me an email at marko@reincome.com and tell me how you liked this blog. —MOH.

The White Bear Experiment

I am sure, like me, you know some people who seem to have an endless supply of willpower and others that don’t seem to have a single once of it. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. And of course what we hope to find is “the secret” or a “formula” that will give us what we need. You might not believe this but researchers have uncovered a kind of secret that can be used by just about everyone that will amp up a person’s willpower. And it’s already, literally, there in your head.

First let me tell you about the “white bear” experiment. A number of years ago a professor at Trinity University in Texas instructed a number of students to NOT think about white bears for 5 minutes. Well they tried but they couldn’t do it. In fact the harder they tried the more that white bear thought would pop into their minds. Kelly McGonigal PhD, in her book The Willpower Instinct says, “The effect was strongest when people were already stressed out, tired or distracted.” Daniel Wegner, the professor that conducted the experiment, dubbed “this effect” as the “ironic rebound”. You push a thought away and it just boomerangs back.

Now what the heck does this have to do with a “breakthrough” to increase your willpower? Well, Kelly McGonigal goes on to explain in her book that “thought suppression” doesn’t work because of how our brains are wired but we can work around it. You’ll want to read her book to get the details about this but what I can tell you right now is a little about how to work with what your brain does. What you do is accept that bad or wrong thought which will give you great power to lead your brain to where you want it to be and very likely change or direct your behavior into something more positive and constructive. Here are just a few of Kelly’s suggestions that you can try yourself when you need more self-discipline or willpower.

1—Notice when are thinking about your temptation or feeling a craving.
2—Accept the thought or feeling without trying to immediately distract yourself or argue with it. Remind yourself of the white-bear rebound effect.
3—Step back by realizing that thoughts and feelings aren’t always under your control, but you can choose whether to act on them.
4—Remember your goal. Remind yourself of whatever your commitment is and what it means to you.

**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?

Deceiving Your Own Brain for Your Own Good

We all think we know our own brains but sometimes what seems logical is the exact opposite of what our brains are pushing us to think and do.

Here is a startling truth from David DiSalvo’s book What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You Should Do the Opposite that seems totally counter intuitive.

In the section of the book “Imagine Eating the Treat to Short-Circuit Food Temptations”, DiSalvo refers to the results of scientific research to show that your brain acts in ways you wouldn’t expect. “If you imagine looking at a tempting treat, your desire for it will increase. But … if you imagine eating the same treat, your desire will lessen. The reason is that to our brains, imagining an action and doing it are not to dissimilar. We can trick ourselves into feeling like we’ve already enjoyed the treat, leaving our brain with less reason to target the genuine article.”

In other words, we don’t need to actually experience what we are craving to satisfy the brain’s demand to act. Can you imagine just how useful this trick can be, not only to avoid food temptations but also to get though other challenges you’re struggling with? Try it next time you are faced with a desire you know you shouldn’t act on. Imagine eating every bite of that cake, buying and wearing those expensive shoes, or getting out of the car and screaming at the guy who just took your parking space. Go through the whole experience in your mind. Then once you’ve imagined it, let it go. You’ll find it incredibly easy to do so now that your brain thinks you’ve actually done what it was urging you to do.

This idea of using our brain’s odd way of working to help us when we need more inner strength and will-power is something I’ve been reading up on a lot lately. I’ll be bringing you more tips and ideas in the upcoming posts.

**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?

Beating Procrastination

I know I’ve been giving you a lot of suggestions lately for things I know will improve your life. The ideas seem easy enough but actually getting yourself to do these things can be tricky. Our old friend procrastination is getting in the way again.

People procrastinate for different reasons. The task may seem too difficult or you’re afraid you’ll fail or you just really don’t like doing that kind of thing. But … it’s on your to-do list because what you get out of completing the task is what you want. So, let’s focus on that.

In Neil Fiore’s book, The Now Habit, he emphasizes paying attention to our language. If you keep saying to yourself and others that you “need” to get something done or “should” be working on this or that, you make it sound like such a chore. When you say “Need” or “must”, you are essentially telling yourself that you don’t have a choice, that you are forced to do this thing. And when we don’t feel like we have choices and control, we rebel. So tell yourself “I want to do this” which mentally places you in control—you have chosen to do it. You may not like the task itself that much but in changing how you talk about it you aren’t saying you like the work but rather that you “want” the outcome. If you focus on what you want and not what you dread, it’s so much easier to do because it’s associated with something positive and desirable.

Now, if you spend a lot of time saying “I should get that done” you’re just reprimanding yourself–“You should get it done because you haven’t yet and who knows if you ever will!” This can make you depressed as you’re bound to agree with your inner voice. Nothing will get done that way.

Change it to “I want to get that done.” That adds a positive note and the sense that completing the task is something you desire. Stating our desires is usually followed up by the question “How am I going to get what I want?” so that you are more likely to figure out how and when you’ll have time to get it done. And next thing you know, you’re doing it!

So next time you’re faced with a dreaded project or looming task, just say, “Here is something I want to do and I can’t wait to get it done!” and see how much more you get accomplished and how much easier it seems to do it!

**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?

The Positive Activity List

We all have great wants and desires. Without them we’d have virtually no motivation to do anything. But there are a lot of hidden land mines that lie in our path just waiting for us to step on them and explode our dreams, desires, and goals. Our very wants and desires that are so important to our lives of passion can make us absolutely miserable if we don’t know what to do with ourselves.

As McGonigal states in her wonderful book The Willpower Instinct, “… desire is neither good nor bad–what matters is where we let it point us.”

We all know that frustrated desires can lead us to search out bad or negative ways to boost or otherwise change our mood—-by using drugs and/or alcohol, binge eating, or even going on a shopping spree. These all work well to increase dopamine and serotonin—those mood altering chemicals in our brain—giving us a high and one that can be addictive. These activities can too easily and too quickly become detrimental to our health, our finances, and our relationships. But what if you were able to increase these mood altering chemicals with something positive and productive, gaining a natural high and moving towards your goals at the same time?

I am sure anyone of us can come up with a few examples of positive activities and actions that will improve rather than harm our lives but let me give you some of my list. You can use these as a start or as examples for your own list. Use your positive experiences and what you want out of life to help create the ideas for your list.

Then when you feel yourself turning towards those old tried and true (and negative and harmful) options, chose something from this positive list instead. Do this diligently for at least a week and take note of how much better you feel about yourself and your life. I bet you’ll not only enjoy the activities you’ve used as substitutes but you will be much happier overall, looking back at all the positive and productive things you did.

Here is my list:

1. Work out: Just 6 or 12 minutes on the stair master, doing sit-ups and push-ups or using weights
2. Get a tennis game going
3. Write out my bests thoughts for the days
4. Read a good book
5. Listen to favorite music (create a custom playlist online)
6. Arrange a get together with family and friends
7. Get a massage
8. Hike or bike in mountains or just take a walk in the neighborhood
9. 5 to 10 minutes of meditation
10. 5 or 10 minutes of simple yoga

Now … what goes on your list?

**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?

Improving your Will Power

My son David gave me a great book for my 68th birthday. It’s called “The Willpower Instinct” by Kelly McGonigal, PH.D. with the sub title of “How Self-Control works, Why it Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It”. Wow that is an attention grabbing title!

Yes I know I have done a ton of preaching about the “key” or “secret” of reaching your goals–that being my concept of “B-RAM”. I discuss it at length on pages 71 through 81 of my book “How to Ignite Your Passion for Living“. But Kelly’s book ads a whole new dimension to our understanding of how the brain works and how you can program it for your own success.

Kelly discusses the advantages we gain from things like self-awareness, meditation and even 5 or 10 minutes of exercise and backs it all up with science. The ability to set great goals in your life and reach them more consistently can be gained through these methods. Your brain can even be physically changed by what you send though it. And it doesn’t matter what those goals are—anything from losing weight, to overcoming an addiction to being a better parent or making a ton of money.

Most of us think the only way our brains change is by deteriorating as we get older. But Kelly points out that over the last decade, neuroscientists have discovered that the brain stays remarkably responsive to experience. Ask your brain to do math every day, and it gets better at math. Ask your brain to worry, and it gets better at worrying. Ask your brain to concentrate, and it gets better at concentrating. “There is growing scientific evidence that you can train your brain to get better at self-control,” Kelly says.

Next week I will give you more hints and steps that you and I can take to build more will power and self-control so as to bolster our goal setting abilities.

If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?

The Word of the Week: Diligence

I received this email with comments on my last blog post from a good friend of mine, Radd Berrett. He drives home a really good point here:

Curiously, exercises … that clearly improve the quality of our lives, are so quickly jettisoned at the first sign of discomfort. Regardless we’ve actually proven the methods effective, and even warned that we’d likely recoil if not diligent, within days, sometimes even hours we revert back to old behaviors. Which only further illustrates “To know and not to do is not yet to know.” F.E.A.R. (False Events Appearing Real) is a powerful motive to embrace complacency – no matter how painful it may be. Changing such deeply ingrained behaviors takes time, practice, patience, and most importantly, remembrance.

Yep, making real improvement is going to be hard, painful even. Making something a habit—and keeping it a habit—takes serious work. You need to not let anything rise up in your mind but the end goal, what you’re after and how you are going to succeed. Never think about the alternative. And never let a little pain make you stop or put it off. Habits are only formed if you are unswerving.

So after you have decided to use affirmations, the next step is to never even let the thought enter your mind that you might back down, let it fall by the wayside or skip a chance to practice. The goal within the goal is to be diligent and stand determined even when it gets difficult.

You can even say “I always stick to my goals” over and over. Because you do, don’t you?

I want to thank Radd and all the many people who have been reading and sending me comments about my blog. It’s so wonderful to hear that this is inspiring so many of you. Please let others know about it and let’s help them find more passion for LIFE!

Stop Playing Victim

Many years ago before I had gained even a hint of wisdom, my wife said to me after we had a fight “Mark you are playing the victim now and you are trying to victimize me by what you are doing and how you are acting.” She said this because I had begun to pout and give her the silent treatment. I was playing the victim but–and here is the big point–what I was really doing was attempting to victimize her.

Of course being a young macho man then I quickly denied it all but as my mind kept turning it over and over I began admitting to myself that she was right—ouch! Finally after a few days of this, I went to her and apologized. I told her that she was absolutely correct, that I was trying to make her feel bad by acting like I was so very hurt.

As I looked back I could see that I had done that many time before and I also realized that not only was that behavior hurting our relationship but it was deeply hurting me. Many, if not most, adults do this. I would venture to guess that most of us don’t even fully realize what we’re doing.

Once you stand back and observe yourself (and others) and fully understand the concept and what is really happening, then and only then can you stop this harmful behavior. For most of us that may be hard to do but what is so bad about saying “Hey, I was wrong and I am sorry”?

In fact, try this … next time you get into a battle with your spouse, kids, friends, boss, employees or whomever, say to yourself “Hey pal, get over yourself! Maybe I am wrong. We are all right sometimes and we are all wrong sometimes.” And ask yourself why does it matter if you are right? Most things are not that important.

Do that often and you’ll see that your stress level will drop dramatically and as a big bonus –your relationships will take a huge leap upwards!

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