The Great Advantages of Focusing on Others
The Dalai Lama said two very profound things in his book The Compassionate Life
“The moment you think only of yourself, the focus of your whole reality narrows, and because of this narrow focus, uncomfortable things can appear huge and bring you fear and discomfort and a sense of feeling overwhelmed by misery”.
Then next he said, “The moment you think of others with a sense of caring, however, your view widens. Within that wider perspective, your own problems appear to be of little significance …”
That difference, a singular shift in how you choose to look upon the world, influences both your mental and physical health. There, in a nutshell, is one of the biggest and best lessons of life—keep everyone and everything in a positive perspective.
But how do you gain that perspective, if you find you are dwelling mostly on you and your problems? You program yourself through the use of positive affirmations.
I began repeating the following every morning and I immediately noticed a difference in my conversations and relationships — it gave me a new and immensely genuine level of interest in other people’s lives and challenges and it’s a very simple statement: “I love people and I carefully listen to them.”
Loving and getting along with other people is so very critical. The effect on your mental health is probably easy to imagine but there are also studies showing a strong connection between how we interact with people and our physical health. The more positive you are about others and how you relate to them, the more positive an impact this will have on you both mentally and physically.
Choose the above PA or create one that truly strikes you and repeat several times every day. Keeping focused on others will make life better for both them and you.
Stop Giving Power to your Problems
Here’s something we all tend to do but for no good reason most of the time–complain. Why? It doesn’t really help anything. In fact it can be mentally devastating. Sure, we all have problems that we want to vent about but it doesn’t usually solve the problem. Worse than that though, most of us wrongly think that these problems–a lawsuit, terrible relationship, sickness, financial problem or whatever–are the source of our unhappiness and all we have to do is get rid of that problem to make our life perfect. But that idea is just a dream.
About the time you solve your current challenge I guarantee something else will pop up and take its place. Sometimes these will not be as big as the one you just got through but other times they will be worse. If you don’t come to the realization that life’s challenges never really end then you will go on complaining (whether it’s out loud or to yourself) and that negative mindset will make your challenges seem bigger and more terrible since the complaining gives energy and life to the problem.
On the other hand if you come to accept that life will always be filled with bumps and challenges then you can prepare yourself to deal with whatever comes your way. The best part is that preparation can be done in that little super power space between your ears, with wonderful, simple and effective practices such as prayer, meditation or positive affirmations. Amazing, isn’t it? You can make huge problems very small with just your thoughts. All that power is within you.
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PAs … a different kind of Prayer
I know we’ve spent a lot of posts on the subject of your inner voice but I feel it’s that important. I am also hoping that each post finds you still dedicated to making the changes you need to make, forming a habit of doing daily positive affirmations and keeping the awareness of what you are saying in your mind in the forefront until its automatic for you to bury or not even bring up the self-sabotaging language.
Recently it dawned on me that positive affirmations are a lot like praying or meditation. It seems that they are pretty much the same thing with the same basic results.
Maybe part of the reason they usually have the same positive results is because when a person prays or meditates, he or she rarely prays or meditates in a negative way–just like positive affirmations. Think about it … when a person prays are complaints or negative commentary part of their prayers? No, I don’t think so. It is more commonly about giving thanks and/or asking for something good to happen in their lives. Same thing with proper meditation–you don’t complain inside your head and just like repeating PA’s over and over, you do it to drown out or silence the negative chatter that is always trying to take over.
So if it helps, think of your positive inner chatter and affirmations as calm, confident prayers or mediation. Negativity has no place here. It’s all about the good you can and will do for yourself, your loved ones and the world around you.
Share the Power of Affirmations
There is an old Zen saying: “To know and not to do is not yet to know.†I still find it hard to believe I got so far away from using the power of my own subconscious for so long. Yes, I’m still talking about Positive Affirmations. Are you practicing them? Have you seen just how powerful they can be? I use to know and work on them all the time but somewhere along the way I got complacent and figured that I didn’t need to “practice” or maybe I just got lazy … or probably both.
Thankfully, I was reminded about something I thought I already knew. I have said it before but it needs saying again … I owe so much to Susan Jeffers’ book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway”. She and Jack Canfield retaught me what I thought I already knew. I sincerely hope that whoever may be reading this blog is reminded and helped by this very powerful technique just as much as I was. I know it can lead whoever practices it to anything and everything they want out of life.
Also, be sure to share it with others. You’ll be glad you did when you see what wonderfully positive things it does for people lives. In fact if you like this or any past blogs I have written, please pass them on to your friends and relatives. I would be very grateful but most importantly I know that it will benefit them. Thank you and please spread the word.
The Powerful Link Between PA’s and Goal Setting
All this talk of positive affirmations (PA’s) got me thinking about the critical and close connections between PA’s and goal setting. Is there a serious connection between the two?? Absolutely!
PA’s really are the basics of goal setting. A goal is obviously something you’ve thought about and decided it’s important enough to act on. If you’re smart you will have written it down. If you’re really smart you will have also put a deadline on it. By doing this you’ve feed a message to your mind and reinforced it by making a visual note on paper and, yes, your subconscious, which has just been sitting there waiting for directions, is now being told what to do and what to believe.
So no matter what the goal is that you’ve stored in your mind and put on paper, the ever vigilant and very smart subconscious says “Ok … that’s what you want to do so we’ll do it!” Remember it doesn’t matter whether it’s positive or negative –your subconscious doesn’t care. It will get to work on it as soon as you plant the seed and keep working on it even while you sleep or think about something else. That sneaky inner brain obeys and thinks “I’ll keep at this until you call me off or change your mind and goals.”
Of course, if you feed it negative stuff or if you don’t keep practicing positive PA’s the subconscious (SubCon) will be just as content to let the negative PA’s dominate — remember it just doesn’t care–it’s job is to do what you tell it to do without question. That is pretty powerful stuff.
Devising Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations sound so simple but they can make such a huge difference in so many areas of your life. The key to this, besides practicing them (see last week’s post), is creating the right kind of positive statements.
I was so dramatically reminded of how powerful these are when I used them during a tennis tournament and saw an immediate jump in the level of my game. So learning from that, I began adding more and more short and concise PA’s to other parts of my life.
Here are my physical and tennis PA’s:
1….I am strong and worthy
2… I am fast and flexible
3… My serve is very powerful
4… My serve hits different spots in the box
5… I have a strong slice backhand
6… I have a strong topspin forehand
7… I have a strong return of serve
8… I have great stamina
Notice that I never say “I don’t” or “I’m not” or anything negative. You don’t want to have images of what you don’t want going through your head. For instance, if you repeated “I will not be nervous at the interviewâ€, you’ll be sending images of your nervous self through your brain over and over. What you want to say is “I am confident and it shows” then you’ll have this image in your mind of yourself in a confident pose, and see others admiring you for it, and so that is the image and attitude you’ll take with you to the interview.
If you like, start by using some of the PA’s I listed that appeal to you. Change them to fit your situation and eventually you will work out your own list. Just remember … keep it concise, simple, and positive. And keep practicing!
Tiny Moments for Powerful Affirmation
Lately I’ve been blogging a bit about the life changing power of directing and controlling the chatterbox inside your head. So now I thought it would be helpful to give some specifics of how I have been practicing this inner-self talk.
For years I’ve had a morning hot tub time routine. I stretch and let the water jets work the kinks out of my lower back and neck, silently counting the number of seconds I hold each position. So a few weeks ago, there I was in my hot tub counting away and suddenly I thought “Hey wait a minute. Why not use this hot tub time to practice my positive affirmations?†(Or my “PA’s” as I like to call them.) So now I repeat “I’m strong and worthy” 50 or 100 times instead of counting seconds. Then I change positions and silently repeat in my head multiple times “I am healthy and happy”.
It’s amazing what this little exercise can do to help you in your daily life and it can be done in odd spare moments. It’s something you can do while waiting in line at the store, on your drive to work, as you shower, etc. Even in the middle of a busy, stressful day you can steal a moment at your desk to do some deep breathing and PAs (and on such days, this will really help!) I do PAs specific to my task all the time now. For instance, when I am playing a tennis match, I run through my physical and tennis PA’s as I play and between points.
Next week, I’ll share even more specific PAs and help you keep a focus on them until they become a habit. If you missed the articles about PAs, see the list at the end of this blog and start practicing this simple but powerful little exercise and see for yourself how it can really improve your life and how you see it!
Feed Your Subconcious Powerful Positive Words
I’ve been thinking about my mentor and good friend Paul J Meyer (1928-2009) a bit this week. I have an entire chapter about Paul on page 173 of my book How to Ignite Your Passion for Living. He was just that influential to me and to many other people. Probably the most important thing I learned from him was the life changing power of “positive affirmations”. Like other great things that I thought I learned, at some point I stopped practicing and fell out of the habit of using affirmations in my everyday life. But I’m making a great effort to change that.
Paul believed that affirmations could work miracles in just about everything we do. And I believe it too. You know the adage that if you say something enough times, you’ll believe it? Well, since your inner self is always listening to what you say and what you think, repeating positive statements about something as if it already happened will have you believing it and acting on that belief. And if it’s not already true, it will be soon enough!
I find it astounding that the mere uttering of certain words and phrases can change our lives. But it can and it does. The only real hurdle to having the power of positive words work for you is committing to practicing it. It’s the same as keeping in physical shape by exercising. You have to keep doing it your whole life if you want to stay in shape and reap the benefits. This is a lesson I’m relearning now. I certainly hope I don’t forget this great lesson and keep feeding my subconscious lots of positive words for every part of my life.
Limit Your Goals, Focus your Power
I ran across a great quote today:
Nothing can add more power to your life than concentrating all of your energies on a limited set of targets.
~ Nido Qubein
How true. Trying to work on all the goals you have simultaneously means you will need to split your time and resources among them and are less likely to reach them or at least not to the extent that you might have hoped to. But what if you spent all your time and resources on one goal?
For example, maybe you’d like to be a great tennis, baseball, hockey and football player. Can you imagine anyone trying to work out, practice and play all those games during the same time period? You could do it but you wouldn’t be that great at any one of them. Now, if you picked just one and put all your work outs and practice time into getting ready for it, don’t you think you’d be very good if not great at that one sport?
If you set multiple goals this year, choose just one or two to work at present. Pick the most important or the most urgent. And if you choose two, try to pick ones that are in two different areas of your life, like one being to improve your career while the other is a personal health goal so you only have one thing to focus on in each area.
I’m not saying you need to put aside or forget your other goals. You can always work a little here and there on them, preparing for the time when you can give them the focus needed to work effectively. The bottom line is, you should concentrate on a “limited set of targets” so you are going after them with enough energy and enthusiasm to be super successful!
Making 2012 Your Year of Change
2011 is being called the Year of the Protestor. From the uprising in Tunisia in January that ignited the courage of others in nearby countries for months afterwards to the Moscow rallies in the last weeks of the year, the common people rose up to protest injustice and oppression and forced people to hear them and to change. It was inspiring to see what people could accomplish when they stood up and rallied against the powers that be but it was also sad to hear of the violence and pain that had to be endured to enact the changes the protestors were after. But change did come in many countries simply because so many people persisted even when it was terribly difficult and even when it was life threatening. They were unshakably dedicated to their purpose and that made all the difference.
I wish the protests did not have to include the violence and pain and I hope that things will soon settle down with peace and freedom for these people that have suffered for so long. But pain or discomfort or just frustrating moments usually accompany change and is the reason why people commonly shy from fighting for it.
We are very lucky here that what we have to fight for are not basic freedoms or a life without constant fear of pain or death. We have our hard times, but the choices we have are, for the most part, within our grasp and what we have to work through is not so hard compared with what people in so many countries we watched this past year went through.
How about making 2012 a year of real change here, in our own lives? Let’s choose to take on the challenges that will make a better life for ourselves, our family, our friends and everyone we work with. All we need to do is keep focused on our goals, those end results, that will make our lives so much richer. And if it gets tough, just think of those people who rose up against their oppressive governments and what must have stuck in their mind to keep them so determined. You can be so determined too. Just keep your eye on the prize and keep in mind what the change will mean for your life.
