The Rewards of Helping Empower Others
I received a very kind note about last week’s blog and I wanted to share it with you some of what he said:
What I have always appreciated over the years in our association with each other is that you are always willing to help people grow and be productive in the real estate business even the little guy. Your efforts have never really been about making a lot of money but helping others which is precisely why you made a lot of money in the seminar business and book business because you lived by that philosophy. I have always found that people who are the most successful are very willing to help others. You are one of these people which I deeply appreciate.”
–Craig Horton
Craig sums up quite well my philosophy about why I do what I do. It’s not about money although I do spend a fair amount of time advising people about how to make money. It really comes down to helping empower people to do what they desire to do with their lives. It could as easily be making great art, getting in shape, or building your own home. I just want people to do with their lives that which fulfills them so they can be proud of what they accomplish and happy with the live they live.
One of the things I also like to encourage is people helping people. This is what I do to help people because it is that one very valuable thing I have that I know can touch lives and make a difference. That is also very fulfilling. Especially on those days when you receive such nice comments and know that what you are doing is truly helping others. Thanks Craig!
The Power of Positive Language
I’ve been thinking about my negative self-talk blog from last week and I figured we probably have more negative thoughts than we imagine so I did a bit of light research on it and, yep, there are a lot of ways negativity can seep into our thoughts.
The thing is, we constantly have this internal chatter where we comment on and determine how we interpret our circumstances. And a lot of us have this set of both conscious thoughts and less conscious assumptions and beliefs that lean to the negative side so that this internal chatter ends up being critical and, ultimately, demoralizing. And it’s very hard to get away from, unless you’re mindful of it:
- Next time you find you’re being critical of yourself, stop and find alternatives to “I’m an idiot!” or “I’m getting so fat!” such as “Next time, I’ll pay more attention and I’ll ace this!” or “I know I can eat better and I’m going to do that starting now!” This will stop you from what is called “Self-limiting talk” when the negative comments make you feel defeated and so you don’t bother looking for answers. Never accept defeat!
- Don’t jump to conclusions. “He must have thought I was a fool the way I keep blathering on!” or “I’ve never done this before. I’m going to fail terribly.” are your interpretations of situations but aren’t the actual truth. However, we make these statements facts in our mind by using this negative self-talk. Look at exactly what happened or will likely happen and keep your thoughts on the positive aspects of a situation.
- Stop using negativity when talking to others. What you say aloud becomes common chatter internally. When someone says you look good, don’t brush it off with an “Ugh! I feel like a whale today.” Instead say “Thank you. That’s sweet of you to say.” Or if you are used to saying “I’m just not good at that.” try saying “Someday I’m going to figure out how to do that!”
It’s those small but significant changes in our language both in our heads and when talking to others that a battle with too much negativity is fought and won. Just be mindful of what you say and what you think and turn negative commentary into positive, empowering statements!
Goal for life: Always Learning
If you’re reading this blog you probably have some drive to keep learning but have you considered making it not just something you do when you have a free moment—learning that is–but a deliberate, regular thing you do?
Learning is essential to keeping your passions burning. You already know how energizing it is when you learn something new, something that makes you think and gets you moving. Not only that, learning keeps the mind sharp and may contribute to a longer, healthier life. Why would you let something so impactful be so incidental?
Instead, make a conscious effort to learn every day. Read a book before you go to bed. Read an article with your breakfast each morning. Take a class or workshop at least once a month. Go with your family or friends to a museum, a library event, a historic place–any place that gets you thinking–every few times you get together. Get audio books to listen to as you drive or tune into NPR or talk radio shows that interest you. Gather your colleagues and your network of like-minded people and have a regularly scheduled round robin conversation over wine or coffee.
These are all excellent learning opportunities that will keep your mind sharp and your passions burning. And you’ll be enjoying yourself while cultivating a lifelong goal that will help you live a long, happy life!
Friendships for Health
It’s not only me that believes keeping up friendships is important to your health and the quality of life. I recently came across an article on the Mayo Clinic site (that highly respected health research and educational organization) about just how important it is to maintain your friends and social circle.
According to this article friendships can:
• Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
• Boost your happiness
• Reduce stress
• Improve your self-worth
• Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
• Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise
Now that’s a lot of benefits for something most of us would like to have more of anyways! So why don’t we keep up with our friends better?
It’s because life just gets in the way. We are constantly drawn away by other priorities such as work, caring for children or elderly parents, or trying to make a dent in that long to-do list that is always hanging over our heads. We also move around a lot in this country so even well-established friendships start to fade with the distance between us all. And then it’s hard to find the time and even motivation to go out and make new friends. But it would seem, we can’t really afford not to.
It’s not that we need to have a lot of friends to get these benefits, but rather, according to the Mayo clinic article, it’s the quality of the friendships–do the friendships you have fulfill your individual need for a certain kind of closeness, comfort, and availability? It’s different for everyone but the important thing is to value those friendships, take time to call, visit, write or whatever else is appropriate for the relationship you have with your friends. Don’t let time and distance get in the way of acquiring all the great benefits friendships bring you and giving those same benefits to others.
If you’d like to read the Mayo clinic article, you can find it at: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/friendships/MH00125
Comfort of the Familiar vs. Excitement of the New
I’m still on a high from the great trip we had a couple of weeks ago. I love being out on the road, looking at all the wonderful scenery we pass, some familiar, some new. I know when we stopped in Garland Utah, both my wife and I were struck by how the town has not changed in 50 years and we both agreed that we actually liked it that way.
Now, if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, that may not sound like me. I have often gone on and on about how novel experiences make things exciting, fires up your passion for living and keep your mind active and in shape. But life doesn’t have to always be about excitement. There can be a great feeling of comfort and safety when things don’t change and sometimes we need that. For instance, on this last trip, there was a lot of comfort and joy in seeing old friends. However, often times when I travel I try to meet new people. I think we need both–the comfort and ease of the familiar and the excitement of the new.
It really comes down to balancing what you do. I think for many people, sticking with the old familiar things provides a comfort they find hard to let go of but it also can hold you back from living fully. In order to liven up your life and to live passionately you need to get out of that comfortable place occasionally. Try something new, meet and chat with complete strangers, travel somewhere unfamiliar. And in between, rest and recharge with the comfort of the things you know well.
Recharging and Making Memories
My wife and I just returned from the annual Stein Eriksen Tennis tourney just south of Ennis Montana, high on a mountain over the Madison River. Kimberly and I planned out the trip in detail, contacting a number of people to tell them we were going to stop by. When we finished the trip I was a little shell shocked by the “super high†that the trip gave me. And it was really more the people and the reconnecting with old friends that did the trick, even though the scenery was spectacular.
Our first stop was cute little Garland Utah where we visited with Bob Jensen, an old friend I’d met in England back in 1963. Then we drove to Providence Utah where I renewed my friendship with a middle school friend, Jay Low. Then it was onto Bear Lake where we stayed overnight with my good friend and prior business partner for over 17 years, George Winquist.
When we arrived at the tourney, we were warmly greeted by Stein and Francoise Eriksen and several other friends from my more recent past. The next day Bjorn Eriksen buzzed the house in his small plane to let us know that he and his girlfriend had arrived. For the next three days 40 of us played tennis, laughed and talked over great wine. Isn’t it amazing that you can go a year or even many years without talking to a good friend and then you pick right up as if no time has passed at all?
Even our drive back was highlighted by great conversation. In Jackson there was another middle school friend, George Thompson and wife Jett. The next day we stopped to see sister Sue and her husband Paul and my brother Scott and his wife Pat. And every conversation just recharged me more.
Family, friends, and tons of great memories made just filled me up on this trip. It gave both my wife and I a super re-charging of mental and even physical batteries. All of us can and should re-dedicate ourselves to staying in touch and re-connecting with friends and relatives–it’s the best stuff in life, keeping us pumped up and making life so much richer.
Good times, Good Friends, & Getting Away From it All
So this week we’ve been out on the road and at the annual Stein Eriksen Tennis Tourney in Montana. It’s so much fun and there are so many great people there. Getting to this event every year is kind of a goal of mine. It’s not a goal like getting in shape or increasing my wealth or anything serious like that. It’s just a great time. And that, too, is important–getting out and having a good time on a regular basis.
I know we can get very wound up in our work, our big goals for our future and our family, even the little day to day things. But in addition to the serious goals and daily responsibilities, you should make it a point to get out and enjoy yourself. That is also a goal, one that is good for your health as well as your spirit. Those fun times make getting back and getting down to business much easier. If you keep running full steam ahead on all the work you have to do, you’ll burn out, or do your work poorly, or get frustrated and give up. Good times, good friends, and just getting away can do wonders for your motivation, energy level, and overall attitude.
The Lasting Joy of Family Time
This week was a very big week at the Haroldsen household. We had 70 plus people here for a big Haroldsen/Baird reunion. It gets a little stressful preparing for these big family events but during and afterwards, the warmth, the joy and the closeness I feel to all these wonderful people in my life is just priceless.
When we get busy and have such a sharp focus on our goals and dreams, we can sometimes forget the very reason we are working so hard. Yes, personal fulfillment is usually a primary motivator, but our families and close friends are what make that personal fulfillment so gratifying. Sharing what you’ve accomplished and seeing how it improves or enhances the lives of the ones you love is what truly makes all the effort so worthwhile.
If you don’t have plans to get together with family and loved ones soon, I’d really encourage you to plan something. Take time to share what you’ve done, let them encourage and support you, and give yourself the chance to encourage and support them as well. It’s these kinds of experiences that we always remember and, looking back, give us the greatest and most lasting joy.
Gratefulness Takes Action
OK here is the $64,000 dollar question. What should you and I choose to do? Be mindful of what we have and be grateful most of the time, reaping the benefits from that attitude along the way or whine and complain and be ungrateful and end up unhappy and miserable?
Ok, I know that’s not to tough a question but isn’t it funny that regardless of the answer, we so often fall into an ungrateful mode in our daily life? So what do we do about that?
Well, maybe we just need to practice it more often, be mindful of our attitude and stop the complaining when we realize what we are doing. Let’s just go out and do it, maybe 3 or 4 times a day, and see the difference it makes in our lives and the people around us. But we just can’t think about it. We need to take action, make it important in our lives. Start now. Write or call someone or post to your favorite social network site–just put something out there, saying that you are grateful and want never to forget it. And start reaping the benefits.
Waiting is a Blessing
Thinking more on the issue of gratitude and looking at my own experience I couldn’t help but think about two incidences that I observed while traveling recently. One of these times we were waiting for our bags at baggage claim for maybe 10 minutes, when a guy standing next to me started complaining aloud about having to wait. He went on for a while before he finally blurted out “Delta always does this to me!” I thought to myself, does this guy actually thinks Delta is picking on him? Only a minute later the bags came down the chute but instead of being grateful he grabbed his bags in a huff and stomped out of the terminal. I was certain his blood pressure was pushed to some upper limit by then. And all over a couple minutes of waiting.
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The other time was in the very well-appointed Delta Crown room in the Los Angeles airport. A young woman was loudly complaining to someone on her cell phone about her flight being canceled the night before. It seems the airline put her up in a Marriott Hotel, complete free with meals, at their expense. But instead of being grateful that the airline did everything they could to make her comfortable during an unavoidable delay she acted as if the event was destroying her life! And all I could think of was how she’d do at an airport in Libya which was dealing with a severe uprising that week.
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Both these people had lost complete perspective on the situation they were in. It used to take days or weeks to travel from one major city to another in the US. In other parts of the world, it still does. And you don’t always get your bags back or have a flight available at all. We should be immensely grateful when things work expediently and ideally. We should be grateful we can travel rapidly and in great comfort. We should also be grateful, when we do have to wait, that we are given that opportunity to stop and appreciate all we see around us, and all that we have. Even the moments we have to stand still are something to be grateful for, if only we would stop and realize it.
