The Adversity Letter

I’m honored to have Richard Paul Evans as a friend. He is a superb author and a great human being. Ok I guess I also suffer from a bit of jealously. He has sold over 17 million copies of his books against a measly 2 million books of mine that I have sold. Rick’s books have been instrumental in lifting and enlightening countless numbers of people throughout the world. His latest book The Four Doors is a must read for anyone who wants or needs to be motivated and uplifted.

The 3rd door that he talks about that will help anyone and everyone is labeled “Free Yourself From Limitations”. In this chapter he gives very wise advice, telling of the great dangers of falling into the victimhood trap. I am sure you have seen many people who do this— always “playing the victim”, looking to gain some sympathy and support from friends and family. What they don’t seem to realize is that it’s a no win habit that will put severe limits on their life.

What really grabbed my attention in this chapter and made a huge impression on my brain and in my heart was “A Father’s Letter to His Son”, which I immediately sent to my sons and daughters. I quickly received “thank you” comments back from my kids. I’d like to share this letter with you here.

A Father’s Letter to His Son

Always, always remember that adversity is not a detour. It is part of the path.

You will encounter obstacles. You will make mistakes. Be grateful for both. Your obstacles and mistakes will be your greatest teachers. And the only way to not make mistakes in this life is to do nothing, which is the biggest mistake of all.

Your challenges, if you let them, will become your greatest allies. Mountains can crush or raise you, depending on which side of the mountain you choose to stand on. All history bears out that the great, those who have changed the world, have all suffered great challenges. And, more times than not, it’s precisely those challenges that, in God’s time, lead to triumph.

Abhor victimhood. Denounce entitlement. Neither are gifts, rather cages to damn the soul. Everyone who has walked this earth is a victim of injustice. Everyone.

Most of all, do not be too quick to denounce your sufferings. The difficult road you are called to walk may, in fact, be your only path to success.

Wow, what a super great letter and one that if your kids, friends or you yourself follow, will greatly enhance your life. Rick goes on to say “Everyone has problems. It’s how we choose to deal with our problems that matters. Some people choose to be whiners–some choose to be winners. Some choose to be victims–some choose to be victors”.

So go ahead and make your choice and also I would say go buy Richard Paul Evan’s great book The Four Doors.

Delegate to Expand Your World

Last week I wrote about the power of delegation and how it can greatly magnify and expand your world whether it’s business or social or charitable.  Your first thought may be “wait a minute I don’t have a staff of workers to delegate to and I certainly don’t have the extra money to hire anyone, so how can I do it?”

The good news is you don’t need a staff or an assistant and you don’t need to hire anyone.  There are literally millions of people out there that are willing and able to take on tasks for other people and even do it for free.

Just look around and you will see people everywhere working hard for something they believe in but aren’t getting paid for.  You see it in folks that work for the PTA, for churches, little league baseball–soccer and football, boy scouts and girl scouts and even in demanding positions like apartment and condo association presidents and their directors.

Your task, if you want to expand your world, is to do a lot of work thinking and planning to find and pick good dependable people that are qualified and have natural talents fit for the tasks you give them.

Anything that takes up your time that you wish you didn’t have to do, can be delegated to all kinds of people directly around you as well. As your kids, grand kids, spouses, friends and neighbors. If you are asking them to do something for you and that something is their passion and they are really good at it, there is a very good chance they will do it and happily. These will greatly expanding your list of delegatee.

I am not saying that it is easy.  Thinking and planning can be hard work but again the rewards and the great expansion of your life can be well worth the efforts.  It’s fascinating to study the lives of many great business and civic leaders and see how they started with a small group of people that worked for nothing or very small compensation because they were totally turned on by the project that they were working on together. It’s all about finding what things people do that makes them happy and allowing yourself to let them gain more joy by doing these things for you!

A Lesson From Tragedy

There are a lot of great lessons to learn in life and if we are paying attention–being acutely aware of what’s going on around us and inside of our heads–then we just might see what life is trying to teach us and learn some great lessons.

Two weeks ago my dear wife’s sister Susan and husband Val lost their 33 years old son Brad to cancer. It was a huge smack in the face for the whole family. My wife, Kimberly, quickly flew to North Carolina for the wake and to be with her sister and Brad’s wife and kids. I stayed home but became overwhelmed by my own grief as young Brad’s tragic death brought back the memories and sorrow I have surrounding my own daughter, Kristin, who passed at the age of only 16.

During my time alone I happened to open up my own book How to Ignite Your Passion for Living to page 159 and three lines of bold face print jumped out at me like a bright light. Those three lines were what Nando Parrado said many years ago after surviving that horrific plane crash in the Andes mountains. He and a companion climbed over one of the highest peaks during a grueling 11 day trek to civilization and the chance to rescue the remaining crash survivors who only survived because they ate the flesh of their dead rugby teammates. The life lesson that Nando wrote was this: “There may be only one good thing that can come from great human tragedy and that is tragedy can make you so much more human than you ever were before.”

When I think back and look at myself after Kristin’s death, I can see how it changed me and intensified tenfold my empathy, caring and loving of other people. I was especially empathetic towards those that had lost a loved one and, in particular, if they had lost a child. I can’t put into words the huge change in my feelings towards those people and their families.

There is not one of us 7 billion humans that are going to make it out of here alive (although I’ve thought about totally boycotting death!) and if we live long enough we are bound to encounter our share of tragedy. So given that probability, doesn’t it all just come down to how we handle those terrible tragedies?

As I see it we have 2 choices. One, we can totally give up, throw in the towel and lay around feeling sorry for ourselves until we die.  Or two, we can learn a lesson about life and go out in the world trying to help others survive and even thrive as well as help them make it through their tragedies.

We do have a choice here. I think if we chose the first option we are bound to drag ourselves into depression, misery and sadness for the rest of our lives. But if we chose the second option, I think we’ll see brightness and light not only fill our own lives but just as important we will see that light in the minds, souls and bodies of those we seek out to help.

So what do you choose?

Accepting the Moment

I noticed that myself, my wife and a number of other people are having a hard time with life events this past week. We will all have difficult times to deal with but how events affect us now and impact us in the long run depends on how we deal with them. If you’ve followed this blog for a while then you’ve probably read my thoughts on living in the now and how it affects your health, stress level, and just enjoyment of life. Well, the same kind of thing is key for dealing with hard times—awareness and acceptance of the present experience.

When we find ourselves in an emotional or difficult moment—whether it’s a deadline you’ve missed at work, a bad injury or the loss of a loved one—one of the first things that comes to mind is wanting or wishing we could change what has happened. There’s no point in doing this but we all do it just the same. If you hold onto those thoughts, you’ll just be torturing yourself which does you and those around you no good at all and can be harmful in the long run.

Now some situations can be changed for the better but not always and sometimes changing it is going to be a losing battle or just make something else worse. The first thing you need to do with any situation is to accept what has already happened. The past cannot be changed. If you missed that deadline, well, you can’t go back and get the work done on time any more but you can move forward and get the job done as soon as possible or put it aside and pick up the next most important task. If someone has passed away, celebrate who they have been and how they have enriched your life while accepting that everyone will pass on and that it’s okay, that it is just part of this wonderful miracle that is living.

Accepting and living in the moment won’t make the stress or pain of what has happened go away completely and that’s okay too. Disappointment, pain, and sorrow are normal when things get rough but they should only be momentary, a reaction to the circumstance. Feel your emotions and accept those as well. But let go of any attempts to control what has already happened. This will make it so much easier to accept difficult circumstances which will reduce the emotional and physical problems you’ll have when dealing with the situation.

So live in the now, accept the moment. Don’t spend time wishing things had been different and don’t try to change the present in an attempt to change the past and its effect on you and your loved ones. The only thing that can change how a difficult situation will affect you, is in how you deal with it.

Improvement by Measuring

Some studies have shown that just about anything that you take time to measure or count on a regular basis tends to improve or get better.  If you keep track of and start measuring your financial net worth or you physical health for example, they will almost magically start to improve. Perhaps you’ve noticed this in your own life.  If you decide to lose a bit of weight and you write that goal down and start to track your progress on a daily or even just weekly basis you will probably see that you are making progress.

When I was just 27 years old I started calculating and measuring my financial net worth after setting a goal to hit a net worth of one million dollars by the time I was 30.  I began measuring my net worth every few months.  What happened?  Well, I must admit, that even though my measuring seemed to help lift my net worth I didn’t make the million by age 30.  I did, however, hit that magic million dollar mark by my 31st birthday. I didn’t think that was all too bad.

To test this theory of improving things by measuring, I recently bought a pedometer.  It’s a little inexpensive device that you can clip on your belt or pocket that counts every step you take. Then without even setting a goal for walking or running I starting observing how many steps I would take each day. I would then write down the total steps taken at the end of the day.  I was a little surprised that even without a goal, the total number of steps I took each day was generally greater than the previous day.  Wow.  That made me feel so good.  As most of us know, it’s critically important to stay active, even more so as you age. Movement is a kind of magic for the human body and essential if you care about staying young or at least feeling young.

The first few days I logged between 5,000 and 7,000 steps per day. But then, without consciously thinking about it, those steps per day increased to between 10,000 and 12,000 per day.  Wow. A couple weeks later I was stunned to see that I was consistently walking between 16,000 and 19,000 steps with some days hitting well over 20,000! And remember, most of that improvement, or maybe all of it, came from simply deciding to keep track. Perhaps it’s just being more aware of the activity—we already know awareness is a critical key to a successful life– or perhaps there’s some unconscious self-competitiveness going on or maybe a little of both, but whatever it is, it does work.

Why don’t you give it a try and see if it works for you?  Measure anything that’s important to you and those around you.  In fact for starters and as a way to prove the point to yourself, why don’t you go online right now and buy a pedometer and if you see that the simple measuring of steps, works then start measuring other things in your life. This whole concept brings to mind an old management saying, “You can’t manage what you don’t measure”. How true that turns out to be!

Money, Money, Money–How To Get It, Keep It, and Grow It

You know it’s all well and good to talk about living in the now (which we did last week), relaxing, taking mountain or beach walks, and playing tennis and other games to keep your mind and body in good shape, but without a good financial situation or with little or big money worries, life can feel quite miserable.

Lately, a number of people have asked me what I’m doing about investing and income now that I’m nearing the big 70 year old mark. Well, here is my answer:

First, things are a lot different now than when I was young, as many of you know, I made a ton of money back then, though the simple process of buying so called “dirt bag properties”, fixing them up and renting them out or selling them. Yes, it was a lot of work but it had huge payoffs.  Then I bought bigger and bigger properties including duplexes and larger apartment buildings and, again, made a lot of money fixing them up then renting them out or selling them.

But those days are over. Now it’s all about “passive income” and it needs to be safe and steady.  I mean face it, I just don’t have the same drive or need or energy to do all the work that is necessary in finding, fixing and flipping properties.  If you are near my age and situation, you will want to know where to get a good, safe and steady passive income in today’s markets with savings accounts paying but a fraction of one percent and even 10 year US government bonds paying only about 3.6%.

I will tell you how I am getting a safe, steady passive return of around 7% to 8.5% with little management or worries—I’ve been buying retail stores that have good, solid, long-term leases with national companies–and often public companies–as tenants. Companies like Family Dollar and Dollar General or Office Depot.  You see these companies usually do not choose to own their stores as they would rather lease their space and put all their efforts into running the business because their business is what they know best.  These leases are usually done on what is called a “triple net” basis, which means that most of the increases of costs, like taxes and insurance and many of the repairs are reimbursed by the retail tenant, which makes the 7% plus return on investment pretty steady and safe.

If you can you might think about doing the same thing.  If you don’t have enough money for the down payment, you might consider bringing in your family or friends as partners. One note about partners though–thoroughly check out the security laws in your state to make sure you are in compliance or ask a lawyer. You don’t want a great investment opportunity to turn into a legal and financial nightmare. And the same basic rule goes for any investment. Be informed, don’t make assumptions, and ask a lot of questions before you dive in!

 

Staying in the Now

I had a great walk in the mountains yesterday. Wow, was it refreshing! I sure hope all my readers are taking their daily walks on the beach, in the mountains or just around the block, even if for just 5 minutes, to recharge your mental and physical battery!

Having said that (and, yes, I wrote about that not too long ago) you may wonder, as I have, why does even a 5 minute walk outside make such an impact on our minds and bodies? Well, I think I may have found the answer to that question. Let me go back a few days to explain how I came to what I think is the answer to that question.

On September 29th my daughter Cammy called and asked me to join her and her brother David for a so-called “restorative yoga” class on the night of September 30th (she also jokingly called it “advanced napping”.) You see, Cammy and all her brothers and sisters along with my wife see me every year on the 30th struggle through the day and sometimes have major melt downs. That’s because the 30th of September is the birthdate of my dear sweet daughter Kristin, who died at the tender age of 16. Cammy and David thought this yoga session might help me on this particular day. And man oh man, did it ever! But the reason it was so very helpful was basically the same reason my walks in the woods are helpful and, for that matter, even playing a good competitive game of tennis.

What is it? Well, let me explain what happened. When we arrived at the yoga center, my wife Kimberly, Cammy, David and I were led in to a darkened room where we sat down on our yoga mats and listened to the yoga instructor quietly and calmly give us direction to slowly position ourselves into some basic but relaxing yoga poses, adding in very gentle, alluring and peaceful far eastern type music.

I found myself going deep inside myself in both thoughts and emotions but the constant calm voice and direction of the instructor kept our minds, thoughts, and emotions in the present moment–in the great “right now”. She told us to not let our minds and thoughts get distracted by what we had done that day or what we were planning on doing later that night or the next day, but to focus only on the present moment.

She repeated these instructions many, many times to help us stay in the “now” and she did so in a very soft and gentle way. Yes, I followed every word and when I found my mind straying away from the present moment, I gently brought it back to “the now moment”. An hour and half later when we left the center I felt so high, so refreshed and content, and so lightened and lifted.

As I waked to the car it suddenly dawned on me why my mountain walks were so wonderful and mind boosting as were my real competitive games of tennis that get me so deeply involved on a mental level. I realized that it was these type of activities that tend to take us and keep us in the present moment, that great “in the now” moment. And that, my friends, gives our body, mind and soul that super boost that we feel during the experience and for minutes, hours and maybe even longer than that afterwards. And that is something that, in our super busy world, most of us just don’t get enough of! So how about putting that on your daily to-do list, each and every day, and see the difference it can make in your life.

The Key to a Great Life, At Every Age

When my wife Kimberly and I were riding on the Eurostar from London to Paris, (I highly recommend you ride that if you get the chance!) I overheard an American guy behind me telling a Frenchman how sad it’s going to be in a few years when, in his opinion, Social Security will be bankrupt and people won’t be able to retire or they may (God forbid) have to work till they’re 68 or 70 before they can retire. I heard that and thought, “Really? It would probably be a good thing!”

I started back in on this topic last week, I know, but it’s so important to realize that you get very little out of just sitting around, relaxing and doing nothing … at least not in the long term. A little downtime here and there and when on vacation is great but overall, work is what will keep you going and make you feel alive!

I was very impressed recently when my wife and I bumped into Robert Redford. He is so engaged and active and he still looks great to boot. He has just a few more wrinkles but at 77 years young he’s still working hard. He has a new movie coming out this year, “ALL IS LOST”, which struck me as a great phrase to add to this conversation. What I’m trying to say is, if you stay active and keep working then ‘All is NOT Lost’ but without work and goals and a really great reason to get up every morning, it might feel that way.

Having a purpose is critically important for every human being. A big driving purpose will keep us alive, active, and excited and can boost our self-esteem, keeping it up there where it should be. So don’t look at your Golden Years as the time to step back and do nothing. Think of it as a time to set new, huge goals, to renew your zest for life. That’s really what my book, How to Ignite Your Passion for Living, is all about—keeping that passion going by working on big goals with new challenges whether you’re 30 years or 50 years or 80 years young! An active life is a great life, at every age.

Just a little fun side comment about Robert Redford … as we were chatting I said to him “Oh, I see that my wife was kinda hitting on you,” and Redford quickly replied “Yes, and she missed.” A good and quick quip from a pro. I’m sure he’s had lots of practice!

Don’t Retire–Keep Engaged!

A few weeks ago my message was all about how critically important “Work” is for every human being on the planet. Well, I was waiting to catch a flight from Paris to Salt Lake City earlier this week and when I saw the cover story on Fortune Magazine. It really grabbed my attention. Why? Get this … the story is all about a 72 year old guy who is still working his buns off and risking huge amounts of money. Shouldn’t he be retired and taking it easy?

Ok you could assume that maybe he needs the money and can’t retire yet. But no, he’s a multi-billionaire! So why then is he still working and on top of that risking mega money to develop what Fortune calls “America’s Biggest Real Estate Project …Ever”.

I will tell you at least one very good reason why. Because he knows that to retire and just sit by the pool drinking Mai Tai’s–which he certainly can afford to do–will greatly diminish, if not totally destroy, his physical and mental health and at the same time it will do major damage to his sense of self-worth. So instead of letting himself wither away, Stephen Ross, the 72 year old I’m speaking of, is working on a 20 billion dollar project that is set to reinvent a huge swath of New York City. That would keep someone as sharp as they can be and certainly engaged!

As anyone who has been reading my blog knows I am closing in on the big 70 (only 200 days now), and I find myself, even though I don’t need the money, looking for and engaging myself in more and more projects and adventures (like these last 3 weeks in Europe.) I find that the harder I push myself towards social, physical, and financial goals the better I feel. However, because I don’t need to do anything at all I need to push very hard to stay active and keep on working! But I always see the result and I can tell you, it more than just a little worth it.

I think you can probably tell that I am trying to push any and all of my readers to do the same. Even if you are still young and not facing the 65 year old retirement number or are already pushing yourself towards big goals you can probably still be much more engaged and excited by setting even tougher goals. Plus you could encourage your parents, siblings, friends and neighbors who might be on the verge of retirement or already retired and give them a gentle nudge (or a kick in the butt!) to encourage them toward enhancing their lives by more fully engaging in work and staying super active in all parts of their lives. They will reap such huge rewards if they do.

 

Experience a Great Lesson

Most of the time the best way to learn the great lessons of life are through experience. And, wow, I sure saw the truth of that the last few days. What is kind of crazy is that just a handful of days before I had read about this exact same life lesson I recently experienced and skimmed right over it not learning a thing.

What lesson am I talking about? I’ll tell you but let me back up a bit first.

Right now, as I write this I am flying from Rome to the island country of Malta. It has taken this great getaway vacation, traveling from Paris to Rome to Brindisi to Malta and eventually to London, to learn what a few simple words in a book had just tried to tell me. This lesson is very simple but in our fast paced high tech world too many of us are forgetting about it, losing touch, and it is hurting us.

So what is the huge and simple great life lesson I learned or I should say relearned? Well, when you need a quick but solid mood boost, get up off your butt and go outdoors! See, I told you that it was simple. But it is no less important than any of the other great lessons in our lives. Just a bit of “green exercise” has been proven in ten different controlled studies to decrease stress, boost mood as well as self-control, and even enhance your ability to focus. All that from what might be just a 5 minute walk around the block.

I had read all this and agreed with it in my mind but it didn’t really hit home until I was cycling around the south of Italy. Then I felt it. And wow, it made such a huge difference in my mood and my mental clarity. I could sit here and just tell you about it but my own experience showed me that you really need to just get out and experience it for yourself. Remember the studies on this showed great improvement in the above categories with even very short outdoor time. So why don’t we all start adding this simple habit to our daily routines? Yes, take your kids cell phones and I pads from them and kick their butts out of the house too. It is a great experience for everyone.

 

« Previous Page — Next Page »