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The Most Important Things in Life

September 22, 2024 by  
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For years I’ve preached over and over about the basic and best formulas for going out in the world to get and keep lots of money and so, of course, I think that’s very important. Succeeding in financial matters really can improve and lift your life and your loved ones’ lives.  But, never let that going for the money thing get in between you and the ones you love.

Every day, all over the world, terrible things happen to everyday people. I’m thinking of the school shootings and even the bombings in all those war torn areas we hear about on the news. They have a different perspective than many of us because of what they’ve been through.

I remember reading about that huge mine disaster that trapped 33 miners for 69 days, back in 2010 in Chile. When those survivors finally escaped that pit of hell, what they said was very instructive for those who would listen and learn from their experience. 

Did any of them think about their houses or their money while they hoped and waited to be rescued?  No, they did not.  Their minds and hearts were fixated on their loved ones—their wives, kids, parents and other people they loved. When our lives are on the line, most everyone realizes what the most important part of our existence is, and money is quickly and easily pushed out of our heads by thoughts of those that we love and those that love us. But we don’t need to wait until something terrible happens to remember what really matters.

Back when I was giving seminars, I used to ask the audience to show me, by raising their hands, how many of them would like to make and have a net worth of one million dollars. Just about every hand in the audience went up.  I would follow that question with several similar questions but with higher numbers: Who would like 10 million? Who wants to be worth 100 million dollars? About the same number of hands went shooting into the air each time.

Then I would ask the same type of question with an even bigger number but with a much bigger difference: How many people here would like to make and have a billion dollars in net worth, but when you got to the top of that huge financial mountain, you found you didn’t have any friends or relatives that liked you, much less loved you, and you would be totally cut off from everyone you once cared for? There were always a few hands that were raised, very few, but all of those that had their hands in the air were, well, teenagers.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t set your goals high, go after your fortune, and keep on building it bigger and bigger. Just keep an eye on the big picture and don’t push for that wealth at the cost of friends and family. If you are going to grow great wealth, you should also think about all the good you can do in the world with that fortune. That’s not only the right thing to do, it’s going to help you keep and lift up the most precious things you have in life—the people you love.

Always, always, always remember that giving and receiving love is infinitely more important and lifts your soul and your happiness in life to a much higher level than any amount of money ever could. You don’t have to give up one to have the other. You just have to remember to live your life with a focus on the things that really matter as well as your big financial goals.

Royal Reality

July 9, 2023 by  
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As I wrote last week, the death of my older brother right in from of me shook me up for the rest of my life. Probably more than anything else, the simple fact that life is fragile and so very short and can end at any moment, has been forcefully pushed in my face and inside my heart.

At the tender age of 15, I suddenly knew for sure that life could be finished in an instant. I knew that fact from an intellectual point of view as well as an emotional one. But knowing such a thing became a huge wakeup call that drove me to do more–much more–not only then, but throughout my life. Since then, I’ve always had an acute sense of time’s passing and of its absolute and undeniable precious value.

Without question, my first big goal after that great tragedy was to play professional basketball. In my 15-year-old brain I just felt that if I became a great basketball player it would make sense out of my brother’s death. So, I took off chasing that dream. However, there was a problem. I had a great dream but without a great plan, could I really reach that goal? Oh yes, I had a good mind set, and a pretty firm one, but what my young brain didn’t realize was that there is so much more to a winning formula than setting a big goal.

Today I like to tell people, “Yes, I played basketball at Utah State University.” Then I slowly admit that I didn’t actually play very much, but I had a great seat on the bench. I slowly gave up my great dream to be that next Bob Cousy—one of the great players back then.  

It was tough to hang on to a goal that seemed to be slipping further away with each game. I wasn’t tall enough and I was at least one step too slow. Besides—and this was probably the biggest thing holding me back—I didn’t have a well thought out plan of attack that would have set out the details of all the workouts, ultra conditioning, and extra dedication I should have added to my training, both on and off season. I pretty much just dreamed about playing pro basketball. I thought, “I’m going to be professional. I’m going to be a big basketball star. I’m going to be like Bob Cousy, some day!” Nice thoughts, but I had no thought-out plan!

It was during those college years that I began to learn the rest of the formula, or the rest of the code and pathway that lifts a person into the rarified air that transforms great dreams into great goals, and then all the way through to one’s own “royal reality”. I’ll talk more about that formula and what it can do for you in upcoming posts.  

Life’s Lessons in Failing

April 30, 2023 by  
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17 years ago, I wrote a letter for an advertisement that introduced a book I wrote. I then sent the letter to many friends and followers. I started with this:

Dear friend and reader,

This is my new book on the subject of GOAL SETTING–which I strongly believe I owe my prosperous lifestyle to!

And I still believe that! The book is also full of great stuff that is as useful today as it was then. The book I’m talking about is called How to Ignite Your Passion for Living and I still sell it here.

One of the highlights of the book is the stuff about trying, even if you might fail. It doesn’t take much thought to realize that life is really is too short to not try so we can live our lives with more passion!

Don’t be like those who look back on their lives and realize that they missed out on so many opportunities. The poet Alfred Tennyson said, “It’s better to have tried and failed than to live life wondering what would’ve happened if I had tried.” I do believe most of us would be happier to try and fail than never try at all.

Why is that? I think it’s basic human nature to want those long-lasting good feelings we get from success and, even if we fall short of our objective, knowing we tried. And yes, I certainly had my share of failures and tragedies. But I wouldn’t have it any other way because there is so much to learn from failure if we are paying very close attention. We have the opportunity to realize why we failed and what to do in the future so it won’t happen again that way.

Setting big goals in things that you are interested in is one of the biggest contributors to igniting your passion, even if you fail. I hope you see this and go for those big goals and other things that you want to do with your life. And, as I always preach, be sure to write your goals down. By doing that you are much more likely to achieve those goals. It really works!

Remember, if you fail, don’t give up. Keep trying and study what happened and why so you can keep it from happening again. That’s my challenge to you and to myself. I am, right now as I write this, recovering from heart surgery and doing great but even with this, I will still set some big goals to create more passion in my life!

Death’s Loving Lesson

October 5, 2018 by  
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This past weekend, on September 30th, I was both celebrating and grieving. That day is my daughter Kristin’s birthday. She would have been 49 but she tragically died many years ago, at the tender age of 16. Yes, I do want to celebrate her birthday but it is a day of mourning and tears at the same time. I don’t always visit her grave because it makes me grieve more but this year I did, taking red roses that I placed on her grave.  Think how much more death would hurt all of us if some of us never had to die. Like that’s going to happen… NOT!

I do think it’s so very interesting that there are lessons that can be learned from a good friend or loved one’s death. I know when my Kristin died it made me a much, much more caring and empathetic person. I wanted to be there, to help, support, and love my friends and family more than I ever did before. From that day on I became so very caring and I really could feel and share other people’s pain and sorrows when they lost someone close to them or even had other problems and difficulties in their lives.

When I was young I had the crazy belief that I would never die since there would be a second coming of Christ and no one would suffer death. I sure remember how so many people, back in 1999, really believed that a second coming would happen as the world moved from the year 1999 to 2000! Well, that didn’t happen.

Let’s face it, death is an absolute fact of life and no one can get out of this life alive. As we age, most of us feel that time moves faster and faster although we’d love it to slow down since we have so much more living we want to do. I think we’d pay almost any price if we could buy an extension on our lives.  Years ago, when I turned 60, I used to joke and say to guys that were in their 30’s, “Hey, if it were possible for us to switch ages and you become 60 and I got to be your age, would you do it if I paid you a million dollars cash?” Believe it or not, about half the young people I asked that question to said yes. Wow… I sure would do it if it were possible, but I heard a rumor that it’s not.

However, we have options – we can take care of ourselves. We can eat good, healthy food, keep our bodies moving, and stay well connected with social groups which will extend our lives to a degree.  Plus, we can concentrate on living every day to the max – it’s a give more and live more concept.  We can love our friends, neighbors, and family as much as we are conceivably able to, including going out of our way to be there for them, helping them when they need us, and bringing more joy and happiness to them which, in return, will bring the same to us.

Yes, death of a loved one is tough but there are lessons to be learned from it and it can make you a better person which is a blessing to everyone, including yourself. Next week I want to tell you what happened that brought tears of great joy right after I posted a picture of myself putting those roses on Kristin’s grave.

The Blessing of Time

May 4, 2018 by  
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Time seems to move faster and faster as we age, but I must admit that sometimes the passage of time can be a real blessing. 32 years ago, this week, I was hit in the face and heart with the biggest, most shocking tragedy of my entire life. It took years to recover from the overwhelming pain, but those passing years became a huge healing and soothing help.

It was on May 2nd, 1986 that my 16-year-old daughter, Kristin, died. The photo here is of Kristin and her brother on the way back from her last trip to Hawaii. Losing a child must be the biggest tragedy one might have to endure in this life. But what I have discovered is that the passing of time really helps and allows a person to deal with the death of a loved one. It’s true that you really never get over it but time diminishes the pain so you can heal and eventually deal with the tragedy.

It’s so ironic that on March 30, 1986, just 33 days before my beautiful Kristin died, I wrote the following in my journal:

“Big, bright fun, changes and growth. What a difference a few years can make. Life seems so sweet now, so full. I’m so content. I don’t see how life could be any better. With my kids and friends and I guess even my age – I am almost 42 – it all makes life pleasant and full. Spent a fabulous month in Hawaii with all of my kids – super times!! Life doesn’t get any better than this. Life is all it ought to be. If this is how the decade of the 40’s is going to be, then I love it. No wonder they say life begins at 40, mine sure did. I’m beginning to look forward to the next 40 years – that’s 14,600 days. This journal now covers 22 years. Big changes in my thinking and perception of life’s meaning. I wonder what the next 22 years will bring as far as changes.”

My very next entry in my journal was quite different: “Not in my wildest imagination could I have ever dreamed that the biggest tragedy of my life would occur just 33 days after this entry.”

My heart continued to bleed for 4 and half years before I pulled myself out of the deep well of depression and self-pity. Those years helped a ton and helped me to finally realize that I needed to move on with my life. I needed to help and pay attention to my kids and loved ones and see how I could help others who have been faced with great tragedies. The bottom line is, time can be a great teacher of some of the biggest lessons of life! We just have to get up and pay attention.

Counting Blessings Amidst Our Tragedies

November 4, 2016 by  
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In last week’s blog, I talked about how all people have difficulties and tragedies. I’m fully aware that my problems mentioned didn’t sound that huge. Some readers might have even been saying to themselves, “Oh the unfortunate rich guy has major problems, huh? What a tragedy he’s had with that terrible common cold. I feel so sorry for him … not!”

My main point of the blog really wasn’t about my very small and temporary health issue but rather was about how we all need to rejoice more often and count our blessings. We need to do it every day and do it before we face a truly huge loss such as a severe health decline or the loss of family or friends.

There is an old Mormon hymn called “Count Your Many Blessings”. One of the lines goes “name them one by one.” I find this to be very profound in that it defines a great way to live each day. If we stop to recognize each of our blessings, it actually can improve our lives and make us feel better, just like what I learned some time ago about how smiling releases good chemicals into your brain, even doing  the same thing when we force a smile.

Like many people if not most, I’ve had some major tragedies in my life that I will never forget—there was my 17-year-old brother who died right in front of me on the basketball court when I was 15 and, the biggest and most terrible shock of my life, when my 16-year-old daughter died. Even though I’ll never really get over those tragedies, I’ve learned to live with the reality of what happened and it has made me more aware of living in the great ‘right now’. It has made me take notice and count the blessings in my life every day.

I remember vividly after my daughter died being totally depressed and laying around doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself for many, many months. Then suddenly I realized that I was completely neglecting my other children. I saw how important they were and how blessed I was to have such good productive, active, loving and lovable kids. I lifted myself out of the dumps and started to notice and pay attention to them and appreciate all the goodness around me.

As I mentioned last week, traveling through parts of Africa was a real eye opener. Our train traveled though many villages filled with garbage, spotted with homes that were just ten by ten foot shacks topped with flimsy roofs held down with rocks. As all too skinny kids ran along the side of the tracks waving at the train, I couldn’t help but see how good we have it. If we are paying attention, we’ll know we need to appreciate all our blessings every day.

So, let’s all take time to notice, take time to appreciate, and take time to love what we have and not just family and friends but even strangers. We need to start giving more back to those who need help. None of us know how long our loved ones and friends will be with us; tragedy can strike any of our lives at any time. So even if you have disagreements and arguments or find yourself angry at those around you, try to step back and look at the bigger picture and be grateful and appreciative of those people. Remember just how important they are to you and just how small the differences are that get in the way.

 

 

Great Lessons in Good Times and Bad

June 5, 2015 by  
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This week I was privileged to award 3 scholarships to graduating seniors from Cottonwood High School in Utah. I do it every year in the name of my daughter Kristin, who suddenly died of an eating disorder called bulimia when she was a sophomore at that school. It happened many years ago and anyone who has ever lost a child knows that you never get over it but, given enough time and thought, you learn to deal with it. And with more thought and the passage of time you may even learn a lesson or two.

So in my presentation to the 3 scholarship winners and to 100 plus other graduation seniors that were being honored for various achievements I gave what I think is crucial advice for a teenager and quite frankly I think good advice for all of us including myself. I said, first of all, “Let me tell you that if anyone ever tells you that they have a “perfect life”, I’m here to tell you that they are big fat lairs, or they just haven’t lived long enough yet”. Yes, I got a good laugh out of that line but it’s more than a funny line–it’s pretty darn true.

My second bit of advice that followed my first comment, was that the key to a successful and productive life is not what happens to you , especially if it’s bad stuff, but how you react to the things that happen to you and what you learn from it and then what you do from that point on.

Some people would say to me, “So what the hell did you learn from the tragedy of losing your 16 year old daughter?” Well, first I learned to accept what had happened, even though it took me a couple of years, by telling myself that although I can give up on life and give up on being a father to my other children, that I could just sit around and feel sorry for my daughter and myself for the rest of my life, it wouldn’t bring my Kristin back. I realized how stupid and selfish that would be and I wouldn’t be helping anyone. In fact, I’d be hurting a lot of people, especially my kids.

The second lesson I learned was about caring. I became so much more considerate of other people, even strangers, when I learned of their losses. Prior to my loss I was pretty callous and mainly only thought about myself. For too many of us it takes tragedy to bring us around to understanding the pain other people go through.

From the many comments I got from those graduating seniors, I think at least some of my advice sunk in and I sincerely hope they will still remember that advice when life kicks them in the face and they want to give up and feel sorry for themselves. We all need to burn into our brains that life is not easy, not for anyone (except maybe it seems that way for the big fat liars!) We need to keep getting up when life kicks us in the face and forge on. We also need to look for the lessons that are there for us, from both the good times and the bad times too!

 

The Tragedy is in Not Moving On

September 5, 2014 by  
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Tragedy is a word that none of us are fond of.  But you know what, virtually everyone on this planet has tragedy in their lives and if they haven’t had it yet, it’s almost certainly on the way. I don’t care how rich or how poor a person is, tragedy strikes everyone if they live long enough. We all were certainly shocked a few weeks ago when we saw that the loveable, talented and very successful Robin Williams had died by his own hand. This tragedy, as distant as he may be from most of us, touched so many of us nonetheless.

A couple of weeks ago, while talking to a large audience of really great people, I shared the sad, sad story of the biggest tragedy in my life–the death of my sweet, wonderful, 16 year old daughter, Kristin.  Even though that was many years ago, I’ve learned the hard way that you never get over it–that’s the bad news.  The good news is you can learn how to deal with it in a positive way.

After telling the audience about Kristin and how she died, I asked folks to raise their hands if they had has lost a child.  About 3 or 4% of the group slowly raised their hands.  I wasn’t trying to sadden the mood of the group but I was making a very important point.  That point was that if we as human beings are going to prosper and make the world a better place we must learn how to deal with tragedy since we all have or will have tragedy in our lives.

Too often I have heard people complaining and in essence saying, “Poor me. If you had gone through what I’ve been through you would not be able to do any good and great things for yourself or your family let alone strangers and other people out there.” These people are basically saying that because of their unique tragedy, their lives are over and they’ve given up because they have no choice.  If these people would step back a bit and take a look at the big picture and look beyond the facades that nearly everyone puts on, at least to a degree, they’d see that all of us are in the same boat.   And all of us really do have a choice.  We can learn how to deal with the tragedy and move on with our lives. Many times because of that tragedy we’ve had to work through, we can become better people and can be of greater help to those around us. Face the truth–tragedy strikes everyone and none of us will get out of here alive!

Think about that. And please share this message with others that you see that are in need and have not been able to move on quite yet.

A Lesson From Tragedy

November 1, 2013 by  
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There are a lot of great lessons to learn in life and if we are paying attention–being acutely aware of what’s going on around us and inside of our heads–then we just might see what life is trying to teach us and learn some great lessons.

Two weeks ago my dear wife’s sister Susan and husband Val lost their 33 years old son Brad to cancer. It was a huge smack in the face for the whole family. My wife, Kimberly, quickly flew to North Carolina for the wake and to be with her sister and Brad’s wife and kids. I stayed home but became overwhelmed by my own grief as young Brad’s tragic death brought back the memories and sorrow I have surrounding my own daughter, Kristin, who passed at the age of only 16.

During my time alone I happened to open up my own book How to Ignite Your Passion for Living to page 159 and three lines of bold face print jumped out at me like a bright light. Those three lines were what Nando Parrado said many years ago after surviving that horrific plane crash in the Andes mountains. He and a companion climbed over one of the highest peaks during a grueling 11 day trek to civilization and the chance to rescue the remaining crash survivors who only survived because they ate the flesh of their dead rugby teammates. The life lesson that Nando wrote was this: “There may be only one good thing that can come from great human tragedy and that is tragedy can make you so much more human than you ever were before.”

When I think back and look at myself after Kristin’s death, I can see how it changed me and intensified tenfold my empathy, caring and loving of other people. I was especially empathetic towards those that had lost a loved one and, in particular, if they had lost a child. I can’t put into words the huge change in my feelings towards those people and their families.

There is not one of us 7 billion humans that are going to make it out of here alive (although I’ve thought about totally boycotting death!) and if we live long enough we are bound to encounter our share of tragedy. So given that probability, doesn’t it all just come down to how we handle those terrible tragedies?

As I see it we have 2 choices. One, we can totally give up, throw in the towel and lay around feeling sorry for ourselves until we die.  Or two, we can learn a lesson about life and go out in the world trying to help others survive and even thrive as well as help them make it through their tragedies.

We do have a choice here. I think if we chose the first option we are bound to drag ourselves into depression, misery and sadness for the rest of our lives. But if we chose the second option, I think we’ll see brightness and light not only fill our own lives but just as important we will see that light in the minds, souls and bodies of those we seek out to help.

So what do you choose?

Accepting the Moment

October 25, 2013 by  
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I noticed that myself, my wife and a number of other people are having a hard time with life events this past week. We will all have difficult times to deal with but how events affect us now and impact us in the long run depends on how we deal with them. If you’ve followed this blog for a while then you’ve probably read my thoughts on living in the now and how it affects your health, stress level, and just enjoyment of life. Well, the same kind of thing is key for dealing with hard times—awareness and acceptance of the present experience.

When we find ourselves in an emotional or difficult moment—whether it’s a deadline you’ve missed at work, a bad injury or the loss of a loved one—one of the first things that comes to mind is wanting or wishing we could change what has happened. There’s no point in doing this but we all do it just the same. If you hold onto those thoughts, you’ll just be torturing yourself which does you and those around you no good at all and can be harmful in the long run.

Now some situations can be changed for the better but not always and sometimes changing it is going to be a losing battle or just make something else worse. The first thing you need to do with any situation is to accept what has already happened. The past cannot be changed. If you missed that deadline, well, you can’t go back and get the work done on time any more but you can move forward and get the job done as soon as possible or put it aside and pick up the next most important task. If someone has passed away, celebrate who they have been and how they have enriched your life while accepting that everyone will pass on and that it’s okay, that it is just part of this wonderful miracle that is living.

Accepting and living in the moment won’t make the stress or pain of what has happened go away completely and that’s okay too. Disappointment, pain, and sorrow are normal when things get rough but they should only be momentary, a reaction to the circumstance. Feel your emotions and accept those as well. But let go of any attempts to control what has already happened. This will make it so much easier to accept difficult circumstances which will reduce the emotional and physical problems you’ll have when dealing with the situation.

So live in the now, accept the moment. Don’t spend time wishing things had been different and don’t try to change the present in an attempt to change the past and its effect on you and your loved ones. The only thing that can change how a difficult situation will affect you, is in how you deal with it.