The Adversity Letter
I’m honored to have Richard Paul Evans as a friend. He is a superb author and a great human being. Ok I guess I also suffer from a bit of jealously. He has sold over 17 million copies of his books against a measly 2 million books of mine that I have sold. Rick’s books have been instrumental in lifting and enlightening countless numbers of people throughout the world. His latest book The Four Doors is a must read for anyone who wants or needs to be motivated and uplifted.
The 3rd door that he talks about that will help anyone and everyone is labeled “Free Yourself From Limitations”. In this chapter he gives very wise advice, telling of the great dangers of falling into the victimhood trap. I am sure you have seen many people who do this— always “playing the victim”, looking to gain some sympathy and support from friends and family. What they don’t seem to realize is that it’s a no win habit that will put severe limits on their life.
What really grabbed my attention in this chapter and made a huge impression on my brain and in my heart was “A Father’s Letter to His Son”, which I immediately sent to my sons and daughters. I quickly received “thank you” comments back from my kids. I’d like to share this letter with you here.
A Father’s Letter to His Son
Always, always remember that adversity is not a detour. It is part of the path.
You will encounter obstacles. You will make mistakes. Be grateful for both. Your obstacles and mistakes will be your greatest teachers. And the only way to not make mistakes in this life is to do nothing, which is the biggest mistake of all.
Your challenges, if you let them, will become your greatest allies. Mountains can crush or raise you, depending on which side of the mountain you choose to stand on. All history bears out that the great, those who have changed the world, have all suffered great challenges. And, more times than not, it’s precisely those challenges that, in God’s time, lead to triumph.
Abhor victimhood. Denounce entitlement. Neither are gifts, rather cages to damn the soul. Everyone who has walked this earth is a victim of injustice. Everyone.
Most of all, do not be too quick to denounce your sufferings. The difficult road you are called to walk may, in fact, be your only path to success.
Wow, what a super great letter and one that if your kids, friends or you yourself follow, will greatly enhance your life. Rick goes on to say “Everyone has problems. It’s how we choose to deal with our problems that matters. Some people choose to be whiners–some choose to be winners. Some choose to be victims–some choose to be victors”.
So go ahead and make your choice and also I would say go buy Richard Paul Evan’s great book The Four Doors.
Improvement by Measuring
Some studies have shown that just about anything that you take time to measure or count on a regular basis tends to improve or get better. If you keep track of and start measuring your financial net worth or you physical health for example, they will almost magically start to improve. Perhaps you’ve noticed this in your own life. If you decide to lose a bit of weight and you write that goal down and start to track your progress on a daily or even just weekly basis you will probably see that you are making progress.
When I was just 27 years old I started calculating and measuring my financial net worth after setting a goal to hit a net worth of one million dollars by the time I was 30. I began measuring my net worth every few months. What happened? Well, I must admit, that even though my measuring seemed to help lift my net worth I didn’t make the million by age 30. I did, however, hit that magic million dollar mark by my 31st birthday. I didn’t think that was all too bad.
To test this theory of improving things by measuring, I recently bought a pedometer. It’s a little inexpensive device that you can clip on your belt or pocket that counts every step you take. Then without even setting a goal for walking or running I starting observing how many steps I would take each day. I would then write down the total steps taken at the end of the day. I was a little surprised that even without a goal, the total number of steps I took each day was generally greater than the previous day. Wow. That made me feel so good.  As most of us know, it’s critically important to stay active, even more so as you age. Movement is a kind of magic for the human body and essential if you care about staying young or at least feeling young.
The first few days I logged between 5,000 and 7,000 steps per day. But then, without consciously thinking about it, those steps per day increased to between 10,000 and 12,000 per day. Wow. A couple weeks later I was stunned to see that I was consistently walking between 16,000 and 19,000 steps with some days hitting well over 20,000! And remember, most of that improvement, or maybe all of it, came from simply deciding to keep track. Perhaps it’s just being more aware of the activity—we already know awareness is a critical key to a successful life– or perhaps there’s some unconscious self-competitiveness going on or maybe a little of both, but whatever it is, it does work.
Why don’t you give it a try and see if it works for you? Measure anything that’s important to you and those around you. In fact for starters and as a way to prove the point to yourself, why don’t you go online right now and buy a pedometer and if you see that the simple measuring of steps, works then start measuring other things in your life. This whole concept brings to mind an old management saying, “You can’t manage what you don’t measure”. How true that turns out to be!
Money, Money, Money–How To Get It, Keep It, and Grow It
You know it’s all well and good to talk about living in the now (which we did last week), relaxing, taking mountain or beach walks, and playing tennis and other games to keep your mind and body in good shape, but without a good financial situation or with little or big money worries, life can feel quite miserable.
Lately, a number of people have asked me what I’m doing about investing and income now that I’m nearing the big 70 year old mark. Well, here is my answer:
First, things are a lot different now than when I was young, as many of you know, I made a ton of money back then, though the simple process of buying so called “dirt bag properties”, fixing them up and renting them out or selling them. Yes, it was a lot of work but it had huge payoffs. Then I bought bigger and bigger properties including duplexes and larger apartment buildings and, again, made a lot of money fixing them up then renting them out or selling them.
But those days are over. Now it’s all about “passive income” and it needs to be safe and steady. I mean face it, I just don’t have the same drive or need or energy to do all the work that is necessary in finding, fixing and flipping properties. If you are near my age and situation, you will want to know where to get a good, safe and steady passive income in today’s markets with savings accounts paying but a fraction of one percent and even 10 year US government bonds paying only about 3.6%.
I will tell you how I am getting a safe, steady passive return of around 7% to 8.5% with little management or worries—I’ve been buying retail stores that have good, solid, long-term leases with national companies–and often public companies–as tenants. Companies like Family Dollar and Dollar General or Office Depot. You see these companies usually do not choose to own their stores as they would rather lease their space and put all their efforts into running the business because their business is what they know best. These leases are usually done on what is called a “triple net” basis, which means that most of the increases of costs, like taxes and insurance and many of the repairs are reimbursed by the retail tenant, which makes the 7% plus return on investment pretty steady and safe.
If you can you might think about doing the same thing. If you don’t have enough money for the down payment, you might consider bringing in your family or friends as partners. One note about partners though–thoroughly check out the security laws in your state to make sure you are in compliance or ask a lawyer. You don’t want a great investment opportunity to turn into a legal and financial nightmare. And the same basic rule goes for any investment. Be informed, don’t make assumptions, and ask a lot of questions before you dive in!
The Key to a Great Life, At Every Age
When my wife Kimberly and I were riding on the Eurostar from London to Paris, (I highly recommend you ride that if you get the chance!) I overheard an American guy behind me telling a Frenchman how sad it’s going to be in a few years when, in his opinion, Social Security will be bankrupt and people won’t be able to retire or they may (God forbid) have to work till they’re 68 or 70 before they can retire. I heard that and thought, “Really? It would probably be a good thing!â€
I started back in on this topic last week, I know, but it’s so important to realize that you get very little out of just sitting around, relaxing and doing nothing … at least not in the long term. A little downtime here and there and when on vacation is great but overall, work is what will keep you going and make you feel alive!
I was very impressed recently when my wife and I bumped into Robert Redford. He is so engaged and active and he still looks great to boot. He has just a few more wrinkles but at 77 years young he’s still working hard. He has a new movie coming out this year, “ALL IS LOST”, which struck me as a great phrase to add to this conversation. What I’m trying to say is, if you stay active and keep working then ‘All is NOT Lost’ but without work and goals and a really great reason to get up every morning, it might feel that way.
Having a purpose is critically important for every human being. A big driving purpose will keep us alive, active, and excited and can boost our self-esteem, keeping it up there where it should be. So don’t look at your Golden Years as the time to step back and do nothing. Think of it as a time to set new, huge goals, to renew your zest for life. That’s really what my book, How to Ignite Your Passion for Living, is all about—keeping that passion going by working on big goals with new challenges whether you’re 30 years or 50 years or 80 years young! An active life is a great life, at every age.
Just a little fun side comment about Robert Redford … as we were chatting I said to him “Oh, I see that my wife was kinda hitting on you,” and Redford quickly replied “Yes, and she missed.” A good and quick quip from a pro. I’m sure he’s had lots of practice!
Don’t Retire–Keep Engaged!
A few weeks ago my message was all about how critically important “Work” is for every human being on the planet. Well, I was waiting to catch a flight from Paris to Salt Lake City earlier this week and when I saw the cover story on Fortune Magazine. It really grabbed my attention. Why? Get this … the story is all about a 72 year old guy who is still working his buns off and risking huge amounts of money. Shouldn’t he be retired and taking it easy?
Ok you could assume that maybe he needs the money and can’t retire yet. But no, he’s a multi-billionaire! So why then is he still working and on top of that risking mega money to develop what Fortune calls “America’s Biggest Real Estate Project …Ever”.
I will tell you at least one very good reason why. Because he knows that to retire and just sit by the pool drinking Mai Tai’s–which he certainly can afford to do–will greatly diminish, if not totally destroy, his physical and mental health and at the same time it will do major damage to his sense of self-worth. So instead of letting himself wither away, Stephen Ross, the 72 year old I’m speaking of, is working on a 20 billion dollar project that is set to reinvent a huge swath of New York City. That would keep someone as sharp as they can be and certainly engaged!
As anyone who has been reading my blog knows I am closing in on the big 70 (only 200 days now), and I find myself, even though I don’t need the money, looking for and engaging myself in more and more projects and adventures (like these last 3 weeks in Europe.) I find that the harder I push myself towards social, physical, and financial goals the better I feel. However, because I don’t need to do anything at all I need to push very hard to stay active and keep on working! But I always see the result and I can tell you, it more than just a little worth it.
I think you can probably tell that I am trying to push any and all of my readers to do the same. Even if you are still young and not facing the 65 year old retirement number or are already pushing yourself towards big goals you can probably still be much more engaged and excited by setting even tougher goals. Plus you could encourage your parents, siblings, friends and neighbors who might be on the verge of retirement or already retired and give them a gentle nudge (or a kick in the butt!) to encourage them toward enhancing their lives by more fully engaging in work and staying super active in all parts of their lives. They will reap such huge rewards if they do.
Beating Yourself Up vs. Forgiving Yourself
My daughter Cammy teaches yoga and has persuaded me to go a number of times–and yes my creaky body certainly benefits from all that posing and stretching–but her comments to the class at the end of each session finally got through to my brain. I’ve been over the top surprised about what a powerful and life enhancing message she was delivering all this time and it had totally passed me by.
Her simple statements didn’t sink in until I was re-reading Kelly McGonigal’s wonderful book The Willpower Instinct. My daughter would end all of her yoga classes saying “Thank yourself for putting forth the effort to come today and please cultivate more and more compassion for yourself–don’t be hard on yourself.” I’ve always thought her words were pretty good advice but WOW have I made a great discovery that puts those words in a category much, much greater than just “good advice”. Let me explain.
Anyone that reads my blogs knows I am a huge advocate of setting lots of goals, and tough ones, for yourself. I preach that all the time to anyone who will listen. My big time discovery is that I realized that when I fell short of my goals I’d been doing exactly the wrong thing to myself, the very thing that hurts me and makes it even more difficult to reach new goals in the future. What I’ve been doing (and you probably have been doing the same thing) is this: When I fail or fall short of a goal I beat myself up mentally and I certainly don’t have any compassion for myself. I, like most people, think that if I forgive myself for falling short of my goal, I’ll just do it again. However, that is simply not true.
As it turns out, research done by two psychologists from Louisiana State University and Duke University show that it’s forgiveness of self, not guilt and beating yourself up that increases your accountability. I was shocked. I read this in McGonigal’s book where she goes on to say “These findings fly in the face of our instincts. How can this be, when so many of us have a strong intuition that self-criticism is the cornerstone of self-control, and self-compassion is a slippery slope to self-indulgence?” But in this case our instinct is dead wrong!
This very smart and well-spoken author also mentions that “One reason forgiveness helps people recover from mistakes is that it takes away the shame and pain of thinking about what happened. The what-the-hell effect is an attempt to escape the bad feelings that follow a setback. Without the guilt and self-criticism, there’s nothing to escape. This means it’s easier to reflect on how the failure happened, and less tempting to repeat it.â€
Isn’t that fascinating? We’ll talk more on this subject next week but in the meantime try forgiving yourself daily for any failure or falling short of what you have set out for yourself. Take time to give yourself great dosages of compassion and, yes, it’s okay to love yourself and a lot. Talk to yourself and give praise and love like you would to a kid that you love.
The Biggest Leap is the Small Step of Getting Started
Last week I spoke about the key to reaching your goals–taking small but regular steps towards what you want. The reason this works is because the small steps seem so do-able while the big leaps can feel overwhelmingly huge. Giving yourself just one small step at a time makes your tasks less daunting and you are more likely not just to start them but complete them!
For example, I apply this concept to my daily work outs to push myself to get them done. On the many days that I don’t want to climb on the stair master or put time in on the elliptical machine or go on a challenging mountain hike, I make a little deal with myself. I say, “Ok, since I am very tired or in the wrong mood I am only going to work out for just 5 or 10 minutes†Then, with only that minimal time to cover, I begin, knowing in the back of my mind that just “starting” is sometimes the very hardest part and knowing from experience that when I get to 5 or 10 minutes I will almost always just keep going.
This approach works for just about anything. I put myself in this mindset of just starting with a small goal to get myself going on my daily business tasks (especially since I really don’t have to work if I don’t want to), to the writing of this blog, or even working on a new book. Always keep in mind that just the “starting” can push you to make that big breakthrough on any project or goal that you have. Take that first step and you will see that the next steps follow more easily not to mention you will have the momentum of already working on it to keep you moving forward.
So what are you dreading doing today? Just set a small goal to get you started and see where that takes you. Daily small steps, daily small goals, even daily small acts of kindness and charity tend to compound and grow to be huge successes and can change your history, your life, make you famous or make you a fortune and even change, for the better, the history of the world. You’ll just never know what you can affect until you start!
Get Out to Get Re-Motivated
Most of us get really excited when we project ourselves into the future and see ourselves reaching lofty goals. Whether those goals are huge money goals or super health goals or incredible success in singing, dancing, acting or winning a big golf or tennis tournament, they motivate and energize our lives.
But if you are a normal human being from time to time you do get down and discouraged, sometimes   even hitting a big time depression because you didn’t quite reach a goal that you set for yourself or because of a personal or family problem or challenge. The good news is there is a very simple and virtually cost free cure, a re-motivation method that takes only an hour or two to get you back on track!
You have most likely have used this method before. It’s not a huge secret. So in this blog I’m just going to remind you about it and ask that you use this simple routine more often than you have or maybe even on a regularly set basis to get you back, and keep you, in the game. And believe me, you aren’t alone in neglecting this. I’m preaching to myself here too!
Yesterday, after having a nice lunch with a very dear friend of mine, Radd B, I happened to drive by the cemetery where my dear sweet 16 year old daughter Kristin was buried 27 years ago. I stopped for just a few minutes but those few minutes brought back a rush of memories surrounding her death that pushed me suddenly over the edge into a pit of despair, self-pity, sadness, and depression.
I quickly drove home and told my wife I was a wreck and was going to take a long walk. I drove up the canyon and began hiking up through the pines with all the sights, sounds and smells of Mother Nature around me. An hour and half later my brain, attitude and outlook for life and the future were completely transformed. And that, my friends, is the simple, cost free, cure and re-motivator that we all know works … getting out into the natural world where things are balanced and calm.
With all we have going on in our lives, we too easily forget how powerful and effective Mother Nature can be in bringing us back to a composed and stable baseline. Getting out doesn’t have to be in the mountains or on a beach either. It can simply be a walk around the neighborhood, in a park or out in the more rural areas of where you live. The key is to get out of the house and as close to nature as you can. It really is amazing how a small thing like spending time outdoors away from our hectic world can re-adjust our heads and re-motivate our souls! Mother Nature always knows best!!
The Big Goal Boost
Anyone that knows me knows that I’m a huge believer in setting goals. Of course that’s the major them of my book How to Ignite Your Passion for Living. Goal setting grabbed my attention in a very big way even back when I was in high school.
As a pole vaulter then and in college my goals were in feet and inches. As soon as I reached a certain height, I would set a new goal a few inches higher–from 10 feet 6 inches to 10 feet 9 inches then 11 feet. After a ton or work, trying over and over again, I finally was consistently clearing 12 feet and eventually I peaked out at 14 feet 1 inch. Back then, in 1962, the world record was just over 16 feet, so I wasn’t doing too badly. But, no, I didn’t set the world record. Still setting those goals kept me completely engaged and excited about life. Such physical, self-competitive goals aren’t the only goals that can do that for you. Just about any goal will do that for you if it’s something you really want.
To get that jazzed feeling every day, be sure to constantly set goals for yourself. It will keep you passionate about your life and living and of course there is a Big Bonus in that you end up accomplishing so many things. So my message this week is push yourself to set more goals, and tough goals, in all parts of your life –physical, mental, family, charitable and, yes, don’t forget financial goals. I promise you as you do this you will enjoy each hour and each day more.
By the way, as you may already know, it helps to tell people that are close to you (as long as they are positive people) what goals you have set for yourself because when you know they are watching, you are more likely to stick with them and they also can act as a cheer leader for you. I myself have been sharing with you my goal of working out every day until I turned 70 and just knowing I told you about that makes even more dedicated. I just can’t let you down.
So you know. I am still on track with that goal which is 46 weeks from now. I was sick one day last week and hurt my back on another day but I still got a work out in. Yes it hurt physically but, wow, I sure got a huge mental boost from sticking with my goal! That’s 83 out of 84 days that I have kept up my work outs. Pretty good! Now, what goal do you have?
Fitness Every Day, Starting Right Now
Last week I told you about my goal to work out every single day and do that at least until my 70th birthday which is now 347 days. (I’m pretty sure when I hit 70 I won’t stop then either!) So far so good–I haven’t missed a day in the last 45 days! I sure could have used the fact that I hurt my back one day as an excuse to skip a day but I didn’t. I was in a lot of pain then but I sure felt terrific when I finished. I mean, physically I was totally beat and in a world of hurt but mentally, I felt like a champion. And, wow … that felt great!
One big discovery I made with my “every single day” workout goal was that we are more likely to succeed at it because unlike a goal to work out 4 or 5 days a week, an “every single day” goal doesn’t tempt you to skip today’s workout. You can’t say “Oh, I’ll feel better tomorrow and I can still get in my 4 or 5 days this week.†The thing is, if you do procrastinate you may well find yourself skipping and pushing your work out until you run out of days in the week and miss your target. With an “every single day” goal you know procrastination or skipping days is simply not an option.
If this simple goal hasn’t motivated you to start your own health and work out program by now, then I think I need to tempt you by giving you a list of huge benefits or as I call these lists in my book “How To Ignite Your Passion For Living”, B-RAM. B-RAM stands for Benefits, Reasons, and Motivations. These are the things that will keep you chasing your goal if your keep them in the forefront of your mind. (See Chapter 7 entitled “The Sure Fire Way to Stick with Every Goal” on page 71 for more on how to benefit from B-RAM.)
Here are 7 huge benefits of setting unshakable fitness goals as given by Dr. Daniel G. Amen in his book “Use Your Brain to Change Your Age”. Print out this B-RAM (adding more reasons to it if you like) and post it somewhere to keep reminding yourself how wonderful this goal will be for you:
1. Those with pep in their step stay younger.
2. Aerobics will help you keep more brain tissue.
3. Balance exercises help you age gracefully.
4. Active seniors look years younger than their couch potato friends.
5. Resistance exercises keep you stronger to live longer.
6. The greater your muscle strength, the less risk of Alzheimer’s.
7. Those who exercise slow down their biological clock.
By the way Dr. Amen documents the evidence behind each of these 7 benefits starting on page 123 under the heading of “Exercise and Longevity”. He introduces this section by saying “New research seems to be popping up every day proving that exercise will not only increase how long you live but also the quality of life in those years.”
What else do you need to get you up and working on fitness? If you haven’t started, why not start RIGHT NOW! Take five minutes and briskly walk, dance, stretch, lift a few weights … and think about how you’ll do this every day so you can get all these great benefits, starting right now!
