Positivity Outlooks Take Practice
One last note on this positive/negative inner chatter issue–well, maybe not my last note ever but at least for a while. As I’ve said before knowing something is not useful until you actually do something with the knowledge. We’ve talked quite a bit about this subject here and there the last few months, but have you done anything to actually improve your inner voice’s attitude?
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Years ago I really got into programming my brain with lots of positive thoughts and positive affirmations but I’ve been slipping on that the last 10 or maybe even 20 years because I thought that I was beyond that kind of stuff.  The thing is, I didn’t lose the knowledge but I did fall out of practice with it, and that was key. You can’t say you’re a great tennis player no matter how well you know the sport, unless you’re actually out there practicing and playing! With my loss in the final round of the Huntsman World Senior Games tennis match in which I had sabotaged myself with all my negative self-talk, I really started to think seriously about how much I let my thoughts turn pessimistic with worry and self-induced stress. I knew it was not helpful. I even knew how to combat it. I had just stopped putting this knowledge into practice.
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The great thing about this is that once you get the hang of it and practice enough you can use this positive reinforcement to change and improve just about any part of your life. From losing weight to overcoming addictions to making more money, you can stop worrying about so many things that add unnecessary stress to your life and actually live! Try it and I promise you that it works, especially if you keep practicing. So here’s what you and I must do … No. 1– start observing what that inner chatter is saying and, No. 2–feed yourself positive thoughts and affirmations, every single time you observe the self-talk going the wrong way. It’s not hard, it just takes practice!
The Power of Actually Using Positive Thinking
Recently I picked up a rather old book, from 1987, called “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. I remember hearing years ago of the physical demonstration that she talks about in her book.
During her seminars she would get a volunteer out of her audience and have them hold their arms straight out to the side. She would tell the volunteer to resist with all their strength as she attempted to push down on their arms. “Not once have I succeeded in pushing ….the arms down on my initial trial” she states in her book. She would then tell the volunteer to repeat “I am a weak and unworthy person” ten times and really feel the statement. When trying to push down the arms right after this, she was able to pull both arms down. To prove her point even more, she would again ask the person to repeat ten times the positive statement “I am a strong and worthy person” but this time, she would not be able to budge their arms, even more so than the first time she tried to push them down.
A couple days ago, just before heading out to play in a round robin tennis tourney, I repeated to myself, many times over, (even thought I felt kind of childish doing it) ” I am a very strong tennis player and I am very worthy of winning” and also repeating “I am younger and more fit now than I was a year ago”—and did it ever work! I played 4 rounds of tennis winning each round by a very wide margin!!
Most of what Jeffers had to say was stuff I already knew but I was not doing it anymore. It was like a rebirth doing it again and, wow, does it feel good. The power of positive thinking is pretty amazing. Especially when you remember to use it!
The Real Measure of a Successful Life
I wanted to mention this book that Craig Horton, who I shared a letter from in my post last week, recommended. It’s a powerful book about mentorship titled “A Game Plan for Life-The Power of Mentoring” by John Wooden and Don Yaeger. Craig considers this one of the most powerful books he’s ever read. He’s not the only one.
The retired basketball player and coach mentored and inspired unknown numbers of people through his work as a coach and through his publications and lectures. In this, his last book, he first focuses on the people who helped foster his values then, through interviews excerpts, he turns the reader’s attention to number of his most successful mentorees, giving us an inside view of the affect good mentoring can have on an individual, not just as athletes but as human beings. Wooden is particularly focused on being successful without having to sacrifice principles. That is a focus I am behind 200%.
I really like Wooden’s philosophies and know you’d get something out of reading this book if you take what he says to heart. You see, how well you live is not purely about the success you have, even though in your mind and actions, it sure seems like it. The real measure of a successful life is how much you improve the lives of others. You can do this by sharing your success—be it monetary, career, personal, emotional, relationship, etc.–with others in ways that help them achieve and fulfill their lives as well.
The Rewards of Helping Empower Others
I received a very kind note about last week’s blog and I wanted to share it with you some of what he said:
What I have always appreciated over the years in our association with each other is that you are always willing to help people grow and be productive in the real estate business even the little guy. Your efforts have never really been about making a lot of money but helping others which is precisely why you made a lot of money in the seminar business and book business because you lived by that philosophy. I have always found that people who are the most successful are very willing to help others. You are one of these people which I deeply appreciate.”
–Craig Horton
Craig sums up quite well my philosophy about why I do what I do. It’s not about money although I do spend a fair amount of time advising people about how to make money. It really comes down to helping empower people to do what they desire to do with their lives. It could as easily be making great art, getting in shape, or building your own home. I just want people to do with their lives that which fulfills them so they can be proud of what they accomplish and happy with the live they live.
One of the things I also like to encourage is people helping people. This is what I do to help people because it is that one very valuable thing I have that I know can touch lives and make a difference. That is also very fulfilling. Especially on those days when you receive such nice comments and know that what you are doing is truly helping others. Thanks Craig!
The Long Arm of Influence
This past week, a very influential woman died. She was influential not because she had a direct impact on your life or mine, but because she shaped the life of someone who does have a direct impact on people all over the world–that was Hilary Clinton’s mother, Dorothy Rodham.
It’s truly amazing, when you think that the actions of one person can have affected the entire globe. I am certain Secretary Clinton would not be where she is today if her mother had not been the kind of person she was. Hilary Clinton has said that her mother had taught her to stand up for herself and to stand up for those who needed help. Instilling those values in her daughter is a huge reason why we have this very strong and determined US Secretary of State right now. I doubt Dorothy Rodham thought to herself, as she was raising her kids, “I better make sure they know how to stand up for themselves because some day they may have to do it in front of the whole world.” But the fact that she did has had an effect on our world’s history.
I just wanted you think about that. You never know what kind of effect you are going to have. You affect your kids, colleagues, friends and even strangers you run into and you have no idea how huge or small your influence will be. So consider that what you do, how you impact the people around you, and what you teach those that look up to you may very well have long reaching consequences. Knowing that, don’t you think we all should really concentrate on having a positive, uplifting and encouraging demeanor and when we pass on any bits of wisdom, be sure that we are more likely to push people to do right by those they know and for themselves?
I can think of several people I have meet through the years that affected me greatly including Curtis Carlson and Paul Meyer who I write about in my book, “How to Ignite Your Passion for Living”. My books, this blog, and all the little projects I have going on that aim to help others are a result of the influence of great individuals like these. If you haven’t read about them yet, get the book here and be influenced then go out and influence other is a huge, positive way.
The Right Kind of People
We are in Portugal cycling this week. What a great place, great wines and great people. Earlier in the week we spent a fantastic evening with Julio Bastos and wife Isabelle at their incredible estate. The Bastos are maybe the 3rd richest family in Portugal. They wined and dined us in their castle-like home, complete with waiters and cooks that waited on us hand and foot.
If you Google Julio Tassara de Bastos you’ll find an impressive list of endeavors and success primarily in the production and export of wine. Although I don’t deal in wine myself (I do, however, drink my share!) I jumped at the chance to meet this successful couple and speak with them because they are the right kind of people to know. I was even more assured of this after our evening together. They were very warm and friendly people–not at all stuffy like some super wealthy people–and they even expressed sincere enthusiasm about eventually reading my books. It’s that kind of openness in people that make them so valuable as business contacts as well as friends.
I guess the real lesson here is not what you know but who you know, and what kind of people you come to connect with. It’s rather simple. Hang out with the right people and they will lead you to more of the right people and who knows what may come from that.
The Power of Positive Language
I’ve been thinking about my negative self-talk blog from last week and I figured we probably have more negative thoughts than we imagine so I did a bit of light research on it and, yep, there are a lot of ways negativity can seep into our thoughts.
The thing is, we constantly have this internal chatter where we comment on and determine how we interpret our circumstances. And a lot of us have this set of both conscious thoughts and less conscious assumptions and beliefs that lean to the negative side so that this internal chatter ends up being critical and, ultimately, demoralizing. And it’s very hard to get away from, unless you’re mindful of it:
- Next time you find you’re being critical of yourself, stop and find alternatives to “I’m an idiot!” or “I’m getting so fat!” such as “Next time, I’ll pay more attention and I’ll ace this!” or “I know I can eat better and I’m going to do that starting now!” This will stop you from what is called “Self-limiting talk” when the negative comments make you feel defeated and so you don’t bother looking for answers. Never accept defeat!
- Don’t jump to conclusions. “He must have thought I was a fool the way I keep blathering on!” or “I’ve never done this before. I’m going to fail terribly.” are your interpretations of situations but aren’t the actual truth. However, we make these statements facts in our mind by using this negative self-talk. Look at exactly what happened or will likely happen and keep your thoughts on the positive aspects of a situation.
- Stop using negativity when talking to others. What you say aloud becomes common chatter internally. When someone says you look good, don’t brush it off with an “Ugh! I feel like a whale today.” Instead say “Thank you. That’s sweet of you to say.” Or if you are used to saying “I’m just not good at that.” try saying “Someday I’m going to figure out how to do that!”
It’s those small but significant changes in our language both in our heads and when talking to others that a battle with too much negativity is fought and won. Just be mindful of what you say and what you think and turn negative commentary into positive, empowering statements!
Take Control of Your Internal Chatter
In my singles match against a strong player at the Huntsman World Senior Games this last week, I found my internal dialogue turning very negative and as it did, so did my game. I was playing terribly–double faults, mis-hits, into to the net, etc. I just stunk.
In the first tie breaker, I found myself down 4-2. It was then that I said to myself, “You’ve got to get positive here or you’re going to lose.” So I pushed the negative thoughts aside and, sure enough, I won the next 5 points and the first set. During the second set I consciously kept my internal chatter much more positive and as a result my game was also consistently better.
The way we talk to ourselves is so very important in everything we do in life. If you say to yourself just before going in front of a microphone, “I am not going to do well today”, your subconscious hears you and, yep, you’ll probably blow the presentation.
And it’s not just the negativity. It’s also the language we use. Studies have been done that show when, for instance, a tennis player says to themselves “I just can’t double fault”, a huge percentage of people will go ahead and double fault. This is because the mind sees the most descriptive part of that thought, the act of double faulting, and ends up subconsciously focusing on that potential, just as it does when you think negatively.
So be careful and pay attention to all that chatter inside your brain. When you’re in the moment, push the negative out and imagine only the positive.
Goal for life: Always Learning
If you’re reading this blog you probably have some drive to keep learning but have you considered making it not just something you do when you have a free moment—learning that is–but a deliberate, regular thing you do?
Learning is essential to keeping your passions burning. You already know how energizing it is when you learn something new, something that makes you think and gets you moving. Not only that, learning keeps the mind sharp and may contribute to a longer, healthier life. Why would you let something so impactful be so incidental?
Instead, make a conscious effort to learn every day. Read a book before you go to bed. Read an article with your breakfast each morning. Take a class or workshop at least once a month. Go with your family or friends to a museum, a library event, a historic place–any place that gets you thinking–every few times you get together. Get audio books to listen to as you drive or tune into NPR or talk radio shows that interest you. Gather your colleagues and your network of like-minded people and have a regularly scheduled round robin conversation over wine or coffee.
These are all excellent learning opportunities that will keep your mind sharp and your passions burning. And you’ll be enjoying yourself while cultivating a lifelong goal that will help you live a long, happy life!
Wisdom from the Beatles
Do you think the most successful band in history might have a few bits of wisdom to share? Well, in the book “The 5 Best Decisions the Beatles ever Made” they have, well, 5 bits of wisdom–rules you might consider adopting to aid your own super success.
No. 1 Share the Spotlight
In other words, hire and work with the best people you can find, people that are smarter than you are, who know their stuff. Don’t try to take it all on yourself and don’t hire mediocre people or you may never even have a spotlight to share.
No. 2 Have a Great Dream and Share It
Dream big about something you’re really passionate about and then surround yourself with people that will be as excited, inspired and energized by your vision as you are. They should be so excited by your dream that they make it theirs as well. If you have people that see the work they do with you as just a paycheck or simply ‘doing you a favor’, have them move on and get the people that will not only keep up the energy and momentum you need but grow it.
Then there’s No. 3, 4 and 5 … but I’m not going to talk about those yet. You need to go buy the book and let the pages inspire you. Or maybe, just maybe, I will tell you about the other great decisions in future blogs. But if you’re already getting wound up by the idea of adopting the rules the great Beatles followed, why wait?
