The Power Tool of Goal Setting: B-RAM

The last couple posts I talked about some of the essential components to success including taking action and writing out your goal. Without them you can’t even get started. But what will keep you going once you do get started? All the best intentions are not going to help you when things get really challenging.

Take dieting, as an example. You go out to eat and you’re sitting there with your Caesar salad while your companions chow down prime rib and pizza and your mouth is salivating nonstop. You begin to wonder why in the world are you are dieting when you could just be enjoying yourself. But, the next day, a glance at yourself in the mirror makes you smile or you end up out playing ball with the kids for an hour instead of just ten minutes. That’s when it’s easy to remember why you’re changing the way you eat and, in those moments, you can honestly say you don’t miss those Grande mochas with whipped cream in the morning. Until your co-worker walks in with one and, again, you forget why you’re dieting. It’s then that you need a true will power tool.

That tool is something I call B-RAM. You can read about it in Chapter 7 of my book, How to Ignite Your Passion for Living. B-RAM stands for Benefits, Reasons, and Motivations. It’s a list of the real end goals you’re after. Losing weight isn’t just about looking good—it’s about feeling better, getting off medication, reducing your risk of disease, and increasing your energy so you can do more for yourself and your family. You know this is why you do it but in those really trying moments, they are just hard to remember.

With a B-RAM list though, all you do is pull the list out and read it over. You keep that list as handy as possible. Maybe you put it on your phone, on an index card in your wallet, or on sticky notes posted on your glove compartment and bathroom mirror. The important thing about your B-RAM list is that it must list every single benefit, reason, and motivation that will make this goal worth working so hard for. The longer the list, the easier it will be to keep on track. And if you can do that, just keep yourself going, soon you won’t have to wonder why you work so hard. Because you’ll be living with those benefits, not just reading about them.

The Power of Your Written Word

Success. I talk a lot about it. But as they say, talk is cheap. Writing, however can be gold! If you want to be successful you need to have your intentions down in writing. Even if you are the only one to see it, putting down what you’re going to do, and WHEN you’re going to accomplish it, will be a major motivator. It’s as if all the thoughts in your head have become real and concrete, something that you can’t ignore or put off.

Putting your goal in writing forces you to really consider what it is you want because now you have to put it down in black and white, in a form that is concise and easily understood. When you write out your goal, answer all the basics: Who, What, Where, Why, How, and, most importantly, When:
–Who’s involved in this project?
–What is the end goal?
–Where will you work on this goal or where do you need to go to move it along?
–Why do you want this?
–How will you achieve it?
–And when will you achieve it?

Your actual questions might be a little different but put the answer to those questions down on paper and your ideas become more than just words, they become a contract. And that’s exactly how you should treat it. Write out your goal and sign it! Then post it where you can see it every day. Put your deadline (or deadlines if it will be done in stages) on your calendar, your day timer, and/or your phone. Make this goal as real and as much a priority as anything else you deem important in your life.

Your written goal will really be key to your success. It will be the starting point for your actions and determine the direction you will take. And as the journey to achieve your goal progresses, don’t forget the power of your written word. You can use it to define all the steps in between and keep you on course. After that, it’s just one step and then another. Just keep on writing it down.

Make 2011 An Year of Action

Here we are in the first week of another new year and so many of us are making plans, renewing commitments and generally trying to figure out what we want to accomplish this year. I know I have a few things that I’m ready to get to work on including training to defend my tennis gold, bringing more passion into people’s live by booking more interviews, organizing a big gather of old friends and colleagues and, yes, I have renewed my longevity goals, continuing the tough CR (calorie restriction) diet–the only scientifically way to extend your maximum healthy life span. But regardless of what any of us plan to do, there is one thing we all have in common. We MUST take action, real solid action, for any plan, goal, or dream to become reality.

That first step, the one that shows true action and commitment, is more important than any other step you take because it will be the impetus and motivation for every step afterwards. But don’t fool yourself about what a first step is. Reading a book, looking stuff up on the internet, or asking your friends’ opinions are usually part of the planning, not the actual steps to making things happen. The first real step occurs when you invest something valuable or take a real risk with your money, time, or ego.

• Throwing out all the junk food in your house is a true first step to dieting.

• Paying a lawyer to draw up your business organization papers shows a true commitment to starting on your entrepreneurial path.

• Joining a writer’s group that requires you to write 10 pages a week makes you accountable and shows yourself and other how serious you are about writing that novel.

So what is that first important step you’ll need to take to get your plans rolling?

If you feel like you still need a little push to take that step, or need some additional inspiration, try reading my book again, How to Ignite Your Passion for Living. If you haven’t read it, then definitely get a copy and do so. Then get to work. Let’s see what wonderful things we can make happen in 2011.

A Little Lesson on Never Giving Up

As most of you know, the very talented Leslie Nielsen died this past weekend. He was an amazing person not only because of his talent but also because of his perseverance.

Nielsen childhood was a difficult one, growing up in an abusive home but with one particular shining star in his life—his uncle who was a well-known actor. The awe and respect his uncle garnered inspired Nielsen to pursue an acting career even though, as he told a Boston Globe reporter in 1994, he was “very shy about it and certainly without courage regarding it”. Yet, it was what he wanted and so, even though he often felt he would be discovered to be a no-talent, he moved forward, gaining a scholarship to the Neighborhood Playhouse and making his first television appearance a few years later in 1948. However, becoming a full-time, successful actor would still be an uphill battle for another 8 years until he landed a number of film roles that finally got him noticed.

But even then, what he had wasn’t quite what he wanted. Apparently Nielsen always felt he should be doing comedy but his good looks and distinguished voice kept him busy in dramatic roles. It wasn’t until 1980—32 years into his career—that he landed the role it would seem he was made for in “Airplane!”. That movie lead him into the second half of a prolific and notable career where his comedic presence alone could make a movie a financial success even when the critics would not give it two thumbs up.

Did Nielsen then feel content in his career? Yes and no. He was thrilled to be doing the comedy that he always felt he should do, but even during his last few years, he always had an innate sense of curiosity, wondering what new role or challenge might be just around the corner. He never stopped working, never retired. He had a passion, not only for acting and entertaining but also for living.

Leslie Nielsen’s passion and perseverance is wonderfully inspiring. He built a hugely successful career with little more than plain old hard work and doggedness. He showed us that even a single desire, never given up on, can make for a remarkable life. And I, for one, want to thank him for it.

Living a Life of Quality

With age, and the experience of achieving great success, it has become glaringly clear that wealth, power, status, fame, possessions, etc. do not, by themselves, add anything significant to the actual quality of our lives. Yes, I find having wealth is nice and allows me to do many wonderful things such as travel (like I am right now!), and I do thoroughly enjoy many of my physical possessions like my new house and all the bits and pieces my wife has brought in to make it a home, but these things are not how I measure how well I live.

Most of what makes a life worth living is not to be bought or collected but can be found in the experiences you have, what you give to others, what you accept, and how you choose to look at the world. It’s those many small steps that make up the journey that determine the true importance of the destination, not the destination itself.

If your ‘destination’ is great wealth, gaining that wealth will only be important if you’ve lived well, struggled often, and celebrated your small successes along the way. This is why lottery winners almost always end up unhappy. There was no journey, no sense of success and no memories that made up the path to their wealth. The money just became a condition of their life, not something that engaged their sense of personal acheivement.

This idea brings together much of what I’ve been talking about these past few weeks. Live in the moment, because these moments are what your life is truly made of. Choose to be happy or your life will be made of many disappointing moments and thus your life will be disappointing. And don’t forget to look for joy in the wonderful act of giving to others, acts that will infuse your life with the kind of treasure that you could never buy or fabricate.

Go ahead and go for the wealth and the status and whatever else you dream of. Just remember to live a quality life along the way, and keep up your passion for living, not just for the future life you’re after.

Living a Life of Quality

With age, and the experience of achieving great success, it has become glaringly clear that wealth, power, status, fame, possessions, etc. do not, by themselves, add anything significant to the actual quality of our lives. Yes, I find having wealth is nice and allows me to do many wonderful things such as travel (like I am right now!), and I do thoroughly enjoy many of my physical possessions like my new house and all the bits and pieces my wife has brought in to make it a home, but these things are not how I measure how well I live.

Most of what makes a life worth living is not to be bought or collected but can be found in the experiences you have, what you give to others, what you accept, and how you choose to look at the world. It’s those many small steps that make up the journey that determine the true importance of the destination, not the destination itself.

If your ‘destination’ is great wealth, gaining that wealth will only be important if you’ve lived well, struggled often, and celebrated your small successes along the way. This is why lottery winners almost always end up unhappy. There was no journey, no sense of success and no memories that made up the path to their wealth. The money just became a condition of their life, not something that engaged their sense of personal acheivement.

This idea brings together much of what I’ve been talking about these past few weeks. Live in the moment, because these moments are what your life is truly made of. Choose to be happy or your life will be made of many disappointing moments and thus your life will be disappointing. And don’t forget to look for joy in the wonderful act of giving to others, acts that will infuse your life with the kind of treasure that you could never buy or fabricate.

Go ahead and go for the wealth and the status and whatever else you dream of. Just remember to live a quality life along the way, and keep up your passion for living, not just for the future life you’re after.

Happiness is a Choice

I got an email from a colleague about how things are going back in our part of the States. (I am in Bhutan right now–I’ll have to get to back to the experiences I’m having here on a later post). Apparently we got our first snow in my absence and this friend commented on the mixed reactions to the cold and the falling of the fluffy white stuff. As usual, there were a people who grumbled and scowled and there were others who lit up at the sight. Same weather, same basic experience. But for some it ruined their day while other people stopped to enjoy its beauty.

It was a perfect example of something I have been thinking about a lot lately. That is simply this: A person can make themselves happy or miserable, regardless of what is actually happening “outside” just by changing the contents of their consciousness. With such power over our circumstances, why are so many people miserable so often?

We all know people who can transform a hopeless situations into a challenge to be overcome, just through the force of their attitude. This ability to persevere despite obstacles and setbacks is one quality that people highly admire in others and justly so. It is probably the most important trait for not only succeeding in life but for enjoying it as well. Even your very perception of you as a successful person is based on how you choose to look at the experiences you have.

So, when the snow starts coming down, or the next difficult task looms before you, how will you choose to experience it?

The Habit of Taking Action

Here’s one other thing about the experience I had winning at the Huntsman Tennis Tournament earlier this month. Yes, a huge part of getting through that last rough match was my positive thinking and just taking it one point at a time but there is one other thing, something very fundamental, that made it possible for me to stay in a positive thought mode and persevere even though I was exhausted. It was my innate habit of taking action.

It’s no wonder that the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do” is so often used. Many people, even when they know they should take action, ignore the wisdom they possess and do nothing. But the most successful people not only know what action to take, they actually do it, naturally and automatically. If a great opportunity comes along, they don’t hem and haw and spend so much time weighing the pros and cons that it becomes too late. They also don’t sit back and do nothing just because there is risk involved or quit when things become difficult. Success, by definition, is a result of actions taken. You cannot be successful without actually doing something.

So ask yourself, “Is action or inaction my habitual response to a new opportunity or a bump in the road?” Start paying attention to how often you choose not to act or delay reacting. This can involve anything—a chance to meet new people and network, buying a book or tool that looks like it might be helpful, investing in a potentially lucrative but risky new venture, or being in a competitive situation like my tennis match. If inaction seems to be your default, start making conscious decisions to act even when your instinct is telling you to go sit it out. I bet you’ll be surprised at how often the outcome is in your favor and how energized you are just because you tried.

Just look at me. I came very close to losing that match but even if I had, I would have known that I gave it my all and that would have been infinitely better than throwing down my racquet and calling it quits. And look at what my persevering action resulted in! A gold medal and a hard earned win that I am immensely proud of.

This is not to say that you should just act on anything that comes your way. Make informed decisions and follow common sense. But, next time, act on a potentially good thing and keep moving forward even when things get tough. See if you’re not happy that you did it, regardless of the results. Eventually, if you keep forcing yourself to act, it will become automatic. And so too, will success.

The Biggest Rush Comes from the Hardest Challenges

Alright, first, I need to warn you that I am on a super unbelievable mental high right now and have been all week. It’s all because I won the Gold at the Huntsman Tennis Tournament. Well, that’s not quite right. It’s because I played the hardest match I’d played in years against a really tough player and even though I’d trained so very hard this year, I got to a point in the last game when I just wasn’t sure I could go on, but I pushed myself just a little harder and finally eked out that last point I needed and won the gold! Yes, I won the gold last year too but the competition was nothing like it was this year. It was because I had to work so hard and it was such a difficult game this year, that the win was many, many times more exhilarating and satisfying.

This whole experience reminds me of what I was trying to get across in Chapter 9 of my book “How to Ignite Your Passion for Living” where I talk about the guy who goes out and shoots a perfect golf score the very first time he played. And then he does it again and again and realizes that there is very little, if any, satisfaction from doing so well at something he didn’t have to work at. Well that story is very much the opposite of what I did and how I felt.

This year I trained so much more than I had last year, taking lessons from a couple of great pros, Clark Barton and Jason Newell, as well as putting in more time on the ball machine and playing more matches. And yet my opponent, Michael Murphy, still hit back every ball and he could run as well as I could. I even began thinking that I couldn’t beat this guy but I pushed those negative thoughts out of my mind and tried to take the match one point at a time even as my body was screaming out for some rest and relief. And it worked. Positive thinking, taking it one small step at a time, and all that hard, even painful work, paid off leaving me with an immense feeling of true accomplishment.

Of course, while I was in the game, it was hard to feel that what I was going through was worth it, but I’ve done this enough to know that it usually is. And it so was. I know, too, that I wouldn’t still be riding this high if it hadn’t been so tough to win and if I hadn’t worked so hard at it. That’s the lesson here–The hardest work reaps the most satisfying rewards.

Just remember that next time you feel like giving up, bowing out, or taking the easy road. Just keep going, doing the best you possibly can. You’ll accomplish what you’re after and not only will it feel more than worth it when you do, it will make give you the energy and optimism to reach for that next great thing and get it.

The Wild Ride that is ‘Thinking Big’

Going after your dreams and achieving your goals should be like choosing rides at the amusement park. You could play it safe with the monorail, the steam train and the cutesy boat ride but did you go there to relax or be thrilled? If you shell out the bucks to be there, why not go for the monster roller coaster and the wild haunted house? Yes, there is a chance you’re going to get so scared or dizzy or motion sick that you have to sit out part of the day but at least you’ll have tried to get the most out of your trip and will certainly have memories and stories to tell.

Successful people would never be happy with taking the safer rides. They live for the thrill of the big payoff and the challenge of righting the plans that didn’t pan out. They don’t think small. They take big, confident, adventurous steps. And if you are going to be one of them, you must set aside those tiny, tentative, safe steps that have kept you creeping along with little or no progress.

If you’ve read my book, How to Ignite Your Passion for Living, you know I’m all about taking small steps but as a way to build to something big. Those little steps are only smaller parts making up or leading to big leaps, a way to keep your tasks form getting too overwhelming and to mark your progress. Every successful goal is made up of many smaller, but still challenging, and sometimes risky, goals.

This is not to say you should throw caution to the wind. Thinking big does not mean making rash or unnecessarily large risks. The truly successful person goes after opportunities that are risky in a manageable way and he or she has a recovery plan just in case it doesn’t work out. What risk is manageable means something different to each person but it definitely means stepping out of that comfort zone.

For what is the point of living in mediocrity, of dreaming but not going for it, living a life of quiet desperation as they say? If your dream is to be wildly successful, take some wild chances–well informed chances yet challenging and thrilling. Even when it doesn’t work out quite the way you hoped it would, the ride alone is usually more than worth it.

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