Life Should Not Be a String of Sundays
It’s so easy to get overly relaxed when you are in Hawaii as I have been these last few weeks. These relaxing days do allow me to reach some major mental breakthroughs and really think through the ideas that come to me. This trip out, I was really struck by how lost I can feel, even during these relaxing days and it got me thinking about how common this feeling can be for people in mid and later life. You’ve worked so hard for years, looking forward to retirement, and then once you get there, you start having these days where you simply have no direction. And you start to realize, the carefree retirement life isn’t quite what you expected.
I see this all the time in people around me and many times inside myself. When one retires or semi-retires it becomes like one long string of Sundays. For most people in America, Sunday is the lazy day, the day when you don’t have any particular plans, a day to unwind and not answer to the clock. But when you do this every day, it actually can get depressing.
As it turns out, Sunday morning has been found to be the most depressing time of the week. Seems very odd that this can be true but the reason is pretty simple. It’s because we don’t usually have any particular goals, plans or structure for that time of the week, unlike the work week and the often busy, errand and play day on Saturday. Likewise, when a person retires, the constant structure of their life is gone and without those goals and deadlines, they begin to feel lost.
Retirement is not a bad thing. I can certainly attest to its advantages. But even in retirement, there should be goals and plans. It’s just that this time, you don’t have an employer to please, or a family to provide for so you can determine just what you want to do without those concerns. The key is having the structure, the challenges, and the hopes that made you get up every day before retirement. You don’t stop having dreams when you get older, so there is no reason to stop making plans.
The Power Tool of Goal Setting: B-RAM
The last couple posts I talked about some of the essential components to success including taking action and writing out your goal. Without them you can’t even get started. But what will keep you going once you do get started? All the best intentions are not going to help you when things get really challenging.
Take dieting, as an example. You go out to eat and you’re sitting there with your Caesar salad while your companions chow down prime rib and pizza and your mouth is salivating nonstop. You begin to wonder why in the world are you are dieting when you could just be enjoying yourself. But, the next day, a glance at yourself in the mirror makes you smile or you end up out playing ball with the kids for an hour instead of just ten minutes. That’s when it’s easy to remember why you’re changing the way you eat and, in those moments, you can honestly say you don’t miss those Grande mochas with whipped cream in the morning. Until your co-worker walks in with one and, again, you forget why you’re dieting. It’s then that you need a true will power tool.
That tool is something I call B-RAM. You can read about it in Chapter 7 of my book, How to Ignite Your Passion for Living. B-RAM stands for Benefits, Reasons, and Motivations. It’s a list of the real end goals you’re after. Losing weight isn’t just about looking good—it’s about feeling better, getting off medication, reducing your risk of disease, and increasing your energy so you can do more for yourself and your family. You know this is why you do it but in those really trying moments, they are just hard to remember.
With a B-RAM list though, all you do is pull the list out and read it over. You keep that list as handy as possible. Maybe you put it on your phone, on an index card in your wallet, or on sticky notes posted on your glove compartment and bathroom mirror. The important thing about your B-RAM list is that it must list every single benefit, reason, and motivation that will make this goal worth working so hard for. The longer the list, the easier it will be to keep on track. And if you can do that, just keep yourself going, soon you won’t have to wonder why you work so hard. Because you’ll be living with those benefits, not just reading about them.
The Power of Your Written Word
Success. I talk a lot about it. But as they say, talk is cheap. Writing, however can be gold! If you want to be successful you need to have your intentions down in writing. Even if you are the only one to see it, putting down what you’re going to do, and WHEN you’re going to accomplish it, will be a major motivator. It’s as if all the thoughts in your head have become real and concrete, something that you can’t ignore or put off.
Putting your goal in writing forces you to really consider what it is you want because now you have to put it down in black and white, in a form that is concise and easily understood. When you write out your goal, answer all the basics: Who, What, Where, Why, How, and, most importantly, When:
–Who’s involved in this project?
–What is the end goal?
–Where will you work on this goal or where do you need to go to move it along?
–Why do you want this?
–How will you achieve it?
–And when will you achieve it?
Your actual questions might be a little different but put the answer to those questions down on paper and your ideas become more than just words, they become a contract. And that’s exactly how you should treat it. Write out your goal and sign it! Then post it where you can see it every day. Put your deadline (or deadlines if it will be done in stages) on your calendar, your day timer, and/or your phone. Make this goal as real and as much a priority as anything else you deem important in your life.
Your written goal will really be key to your success. It will be the starting point for your actions and determine the direction you will take. And as the journey to achieve your goal progresses, don’t forget the power of your written word. You can use it to define all the steps in between and keep you on course. After that, it’s just one step and then another. Just keep on writing it down.
Make 2011 An Year of Action
Here we are in the first week of another new year and so many of us are making plans, renewing commitments and generally trying to figure out what we want to accomplish this year. I know I have a few things that I’m ready to get to work on including training to defend my tennis gold, bringing more passion into people’s live by booking more interviews, organizing a big gather of old friends and colleagues and, yes, I have renewed my longevity goals, continuing the tough CR (calorie restriction) diet–the only scientifically way to extend your maximum healthy life span. But regardless of what any of us plan to do, there is one thing we all have in common. We MUST take action, real solid action, for any plan, goal, or dream to become reality.
That first step, the one that shows true action and commitment, is more important than any other step you take because it will be the impetus and motivation for every step afterwards. But don’t fool yourself about what a first step is. Reading a book, looking stuff up on the internet, or asking your friends’ opinions are usually part of the planning, not the actual steps to making things happen. The first real step occurs when you invest something valuable or take a real risk with your money, time, or ego.
• Throwing out all the junk food in your house is a true first step to dieting.
• Paying a lawyer to draw up your business organization papers shows a true commitment to starting on your entrepreneurial path.
• Joining a writer’s group that requires you to write 10 pages a week makes you accountable and shows yourself and other how serious you are about writing that novel.
So what is that first important step you’ll need to take to get your plans rolling?
If you feel like you still need a little push to take that step, or need some additional inspiration, try reading my book again, How to Ignite Your Passion for Living. If you haven’t read it, then definitely get a copy and do so. Then get to work. Let’s see what wonderful things we can make happen in 2011.
Its Not Always About the “Really Big Goals”
Flying just south of Mt. Everest on our way from Kathmandu, Nepal to Paro, Bhutan, I was reminded of how important really big goals are in our life. Now, as I mentioned a few weeks ago, climbing Mt. Everest has never been a goal of mine but when I saw the mountain I thought, I don’t want to miss out on the chance to face that challenge, to some degree at least. So I decided, “I am going to climb that mountain and I am going to do it tomorrow!†And guess what? I did.
“Now, wait a minute!†you may say. “I thought you always preached that a huge goal like that takes a lot of thinking and planning? Can a person accomplish, to any real degree, such a huge goal without much thought or planning?†Well, yes, you can.
People ask me when they see the shirt that has my name on it, a picture of Mt. Everest and the 2010 date, if I made it all the way to the top or at least past base camp. I tell them that I did not make it to the summit but I did make it 100 meters past base camp–MY base camp, that is, a place at the very, very bottom of the Mountain.
The point was that I’d set a goal that meant something to me—taking the opportunity to try something, even if my accomplishment was small compared to reaching the peak. Because, yes, reaching the peak would take a lot of preparation and planning just like all Really Huge Goals do. But just because you can’t achieve the “Really Big Goal†doesn’t mean you always skip out on the experience altogether.
Life is about your experiences and memories, and the challenges you take on, no matter how small, will add to your sense of accomplishment and enrich your life. So even though you may not be able to ‘reach the top’ due to some unchangeable circumstance or because you chose to put the majority of your efforts elsewhere, if you have the chance to make a memory that won’t detour you from your primary goals, why not go for it?
May your New Year be filled with realized dreams and many happy experiences!
The Habit of Taking Action
Here’s one other thing about the experience I had winning at the Huntsman Tennis Tournament earlier this month. Yes, a huge part of getting through that last rough match was my positive thinking and just taking it one point at a time but there is one other thing, something very fundamental, that made it possible for me to stay in a positive thought mode and persevere even though I was exhausted. It was my innate habit of taking action.
It’s no wonder that the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do†is so often used. Many people, even when they know they should take action, ignore the wisdom they possess and do nothing. But the most successful people not only know what action to take, they actually do it, naturally and automatically. If a great opportunity comes along, they don’t hem and haw and spend so much time weighing the pros and cons that it becomes too late. They also don’t sit back and do nothing just because there is risk involved or quit when things become difficult. Success, by definition, is a result of actions taken. You cannot be successful without actually doing something.
So ask yourself, “Is action or inaction my habitual response to a new opportunity or a bump in the road?†Start paying attention to how often you choose not to act or delay reacting. This can involve anything—a chance to meet new people and network, buying a book or tool that looks like it might be helpful, investing in a potentially lucrative but risky new venture, or being in a competitive situation like my tennis match. If inaction seems to be your default, start making conscious decisions to act even when your instinct is telling you to go sit it out. I bet you’ll be surprised at how often the outcome is in your favor and how energized you are just because you tried.
Just look at me. I came very close to losing that match but even if I had, I would have known that I gave it my all and that would have been infinitely better than throwing down my racquet and calling it quits. And look at what my persevering action resulted in! A gold medal and a hard earned win that I am immensely proud of.
This is not to say that you should just act on anything that comes your way. Make informed decisions and follow common sense. But, next time, act on a potentially good thing and keep moving forward even when things get tough. See if you’re not happy that you did it, regardless of the results. Eventually, if you keep forcing yourself to act, it will become automatic. And so too, will success.
Open Yourself Up to Chance Opportunities
Chance meetings have the most amazing potential for you and your goals but to take advantage of these, as yet, unrevealed prospects you need to get out there and give chance meetings the opportunity to happen. I once made a million dollar profit on an apartment building after receiving a call from a guy I had met briefly only once before. He couldn’t come up with the full down payment for the building and just happened to remember our conversation and so called me to see if I would like to take over the purchasing contract for him. Our meeting was completely unanticipated but turned into a million dollar profit!
What did I do to make this happen? I just put myself out there, willing and actively trying to connect with new people. It’s all about how you present yourself and the words and ideas you put out there that will stick in people’s memory after you’ve parted ways. Be confident, be attentive and let people know what you do. Let them see your passion.
In other words, just leverage yourself, making yourself available to meet new people wherever you are. Use your personality to make an impression and keep a keen ear open whether it’s at a party, a business function, or just standing in line at the grocery store. You never know what it will lead to or how it might help you achieve your goals that much quicker.
Inject your Life with a Regular Dose of Friends
This week has been a busy one at the Haroldsen house. We hosted a fundraiser for Utah’s governor, Gary Herbert, on Wednesday and what a great time it was. One of the best things about the event was that I was able to spend time with people I not only admire but who are also great friends of mine. Just the sight of good friends does something to boost the spirit and a night like the one we just had, with so many smiling faces around me, was like a big injection of joy.
Keeping yourself surrounded by your friends is about more than just having a good time, it’s essential to our wellbeing. POW survivors consistently talk about how having a buddy to talk to, to lean on, and to share their pain and hope with was one of the top reasons they were able to survive. Being with friends keeps you from feeling isolated, helps you keep life and what is truly important in perspective, bolsters your immune system, reduces stress, and gives you the energy and mood boost to get through demanding times.
I know we get so busy sometimes with work, errands, and family that we just don’t seem to have time to get together with others. But with all the benefits you get from having your friends around, it really should be a top priority. If you haven’t done so recently, gather together with those friends that are a positive and supportive influence and be sure you put regular gathers on your calendar and to do list. You should never be too busy to surround yourself with the very source that will help you climb your mountains and inject the kind of joy into your life that you are working towards.
The Secret to True Contentment: Work
I know everybody thinks that life is about getting to a place where you don’t have to work, where you can just take it easy and drink cocktails while sitting by the pool but I can tell you from personal experience, that is a road with few rewards. Work—having a job, a business, or personal objectives you are actively striving for—is something you will never want to be without. Work is not just for paying the bills, it is essential to having a fulfilling life.
Studies have shown that people are four times more likely to have a sense of contentment from work than they do from watching TV. That’s a pretty impressive statistic and yet, the majority of people (especially in the good ole U.S. of A.) spend huge amounts of time watching the tube. So why do we choose to watch TV rather than get to work on things that would further our personal and professional goals as well as provide us with more contentment?
It’s because work is hard. Worthwhile and challenging tasks usually take the proverbial blood, sweat, and tears and sometimes end up being a constant uphill struggle. Instinctively, we want to avoid what is difficult and TV can fill our time without taxing our brains or body. But it is the difficult work, the complicated and challenging goals we face in our day job or the effort we put into building a dream, that makes what we accomplish so satisfying. Watching TV, on the other hand, accomplishes little if anything and is not, at the end of the day, very fulfilling.
You probably enjoy games of some sort—tennis, golf, chess, sodoku, etc.—and you play because of the challenge and the way you get lost in it, looking forward to seeing what you can accomplish or motivated by that potential win. Likewise, in your work, if you take time to set difficult and complex goals and totally throw yourself into reaching those objectives, you will find that your contentment and happiness will soar, buoyed by your progress and that potential, if not actualized, win.
Bottom line: set up some very tough challenges for yourself, pushing yourself to do more complex and novel things (whether you’re a millionaire now or still working on it!). It’s the work that will lead you to a richer and more satisfying life and make the down time by the pool much more enjoyable.
It Isn’t Always About the Money
I talk a lot about creating wealth on this blog because, honestly, making better money is a major goal for many people. However, not everyone wants to be wealthy, not monetarily at least. Some people have a different currency they want to invest and see grow.
Take, for instance, Daddy Bruce Randolph, a philanthropist and restaurant owner who, at the age of 60, after many years of hard times and failed businesses, scraped together enough money to open a BBQ joint in Denver. A year after he opened, not that much better off financially, he started serving free Thanksgiving dinners to the down and out in his community, a tradition that would last almost 40 years. He would also give away what he could to help the less fortunate on Christmas, Easter, and even his own birthday. Every year his generous events would get bigger and harder to finance but he’d still keep doing it. It gained him admirers all over the country, many of whom jumped in to keep the charitable events going as they grew well beyond his means. Because of his generosity, he had to live modestly but still, he was happy.
When asked why he gave so generously, Daddy Bruce said, “You can’t beat love. Nothin’ beats love. If you give one thing, you get three things back.” He was, in the truest sense of the phrase, a very successful investor. He invested in what he believed in most and gained the love and appreciation of thousands of grateful Denver citizens as well as the admiration of people from all across the country. Not that he was after the admiration, I’m sure, but if he was getting three times what he gave, he was certainly one of the richest men of his time, living a full, passionate life through bettering the lives of others.
I understand that kind of passion. I may have amassed significant personal wealth but the real joy in it has not been what I can buy but how I can use what I have to help make positive changes in other people’s lives. It’s why I wrote my book “How to Ignite Your Passion for Livingâ€. It doesn’t matter whether your dreams involve increasing your monetary wealth or enriching the lives of others, the key is to live well and let your passion lead you.
