The Power of Shared Ideas

While reading “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle for about the 4th time recently, I found layers of understanding in his comments and thoughts on overcoming “mental pain” such as depression, rage, anger, impatience and bad moods, that I hadn’t seen before. We often don’t quite understand information we are reading if we haven’t had, or are not dealing with, the kind of experiences it speaks to. So why did this information all of a sudden mean more to me than it had the other times I read the book? Because this time, I was dealing with a problem that these words speak directly about.

I’ve been reading, thinking, and studying this book and similar material on a much deeper level because of recent moods I’ve been in, some being a fairly hefty depression. As I mentioned in the last post, being a public speaker and looked to as an expert of sorts, it has been somewhat difficult to admit to others, or even to myself, that I have had this kind of a challenge and problem. I am the one who should have all the answers and live the perfect life, right? Well, it doesn’t matter who you are, you will deal with unwanted and even paralyzing moods sometimes. But you can approach these like any problem or goal—by taking it on step by step.

Finding the steps to get you through a rough time might be the hardest part. Years ago I developed a list of “7 Non-drug Ways to Overcome Depression” but reading Tolle’s book at this time, when the ideas are so poignant are for me, has lead me to a major breakthrough and the power of these ideas have been on my mind.

Although I am no expert in the area of psychological well-being, I think sharing my experiences and the inspirational information I’ve found could be helpful to some of you. So over the next few weeks, I’ll be posting about what I’ve done that has helped me. If you are dealing with depression, anger or mood swings right now, you may want to pick up a copy of Tolle’s “The Power of Now” and see if what he has to say doesn’t hit home for you as well.

Perfection and its Flaws

I don’t know if I mentioned this on the blog before, but I grew up Mormon and was seriously involved in the church, even going on a two year mission to England to spread the word. I was a true believer who had certain scriptures pounded into my head over the years including Matt. 5:48 which says “be ye therefore PERFECT even as your father in Heaven.” I tried so hard for many years to be perfect, driving myself nuts in the process. However, I eventually began to think for myself and left the church in my mid-30s. Along the way I realized, to my utter relief, that perfection in ANYTHING is simply not possible.

Even so, the idea that I must be perfect and appear perfect has always been a bit hard to shake. I do consider myself a very successful man, but I have been so very far from perfect. It makes it even more difficult to admit to a lack of perfection when you become a public speaker, write books, and are looked to as an expert. Well, here’s a big news flash: No one, not even so-called experts, do everything perfectly all or most of the time. Experts are as human as the next guy and continue to make wrong decisions, even in their own field when they should know better because it’s always easier to preach a good sermon than to live one.

So, yes, I still have a hard time with the idea that I will never accomplish perfection, that I have and will miss the mark some times and that I’ve ignored my own advice on too many occasions. High expectations come at us from all corners of our lives—from our religious community, families, co-workers, friends and even ourselves and there is no way we can meet them all or even come close. The question is, when we aren’t as successful as we hope to be, do we let it stop us from trying again?

I don’t think there is a problem with reaching for perfection as long as we know it’s about seeing how close we can get, that we are not failures when we don’t meet those high expectations. The problem with reaching perfection is that there is nothing more to reach for after that. So look at those imperfectly completed goals as a blessing. They will always give you something more to strive for and drive the passion that makes life so wonderful an experience.

Find Your Forward Movement

For me the most helpful point in Mihaly Csikszentmihaly’s book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, is to take time to set structure to our lives, including tough goals that push us to the limit. He says true enjoyment is characterized by forward movement; the act of pushing ourselves beyond what we are programmed to do to achieve something unexpected.

There are likely a number of things you do already that reach or approach this ideal and get you to that state of flow. For me it includes:
• Playing a close game of tennis that stretches my ability
• Pushing myself to the max in stretching , yoga style
• Reading a book that reveals things in a new light
• Closing a tough real estate deal
• Having a conversation that leads to a discovery of gives me new ideas
• Spending time writing in my journal and setting more goals and plans with dates to push myself
• Working out very, very hard
• Climbing or cycling up a big tough mountain

I think we should all become aware of the flow experiences that push us towards the unexpected, giving us the experiences and forward movement that brings true happiness and contentment. Consider taking the time to figure out what those are for you. Then make them a priority and see if you don’t find your life quite a bit more satisfying.

Getting into the ‘Flow’

I recently sat down and re-read, for maybe the 6th or 7th time, Mihaly Csikszentmihaly’s fantastic book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. He has some very intriguing ideas and I wanted to share some them with you over the next few weeks.

First of all, the basic idea of the book and the theory he discusses is that we are happiest when we are in, what he calls, a state of ‘flow’. This is that moment when you become completely engrossed in what you are doing and everything else around you kind of disappears. Some people call it being in the zone or getting in a groove. But whatever it’s called, it is usually spoken of with fervor, excitement or longing and I think we’d all like to spend a lot more time there.

You can only be in flow, though if the task on hand is of particular interest to you and you have some level of skill to work with. Plus it needs to be challenging–nothing frustratingly hard, but challenging enough to motivate you to keep working at it. A natural interest combined with a testing of our skills gives us an intense sense of fulfillment, so much so that things like time, food, comfort, and even ego are lost. We get to a point where we do the task for the sake of the task and reach a state of productive harmony.

I’m thinking, though, you don’t have to get into the zone or a groove to make these ideas bring more happiness into your life on a regular basis. Whether it’s tasks you are accomplishing at your job, with your business, while working on a hobby or even fixing up the house you can develop your skills so that you do what you do well. Then challenge yourself and your skills. That same sense of fulfillment and happiness can be a part of your every day then, not just those super cool moments when you’re in the flow. But, of course, making it a goal to have more of those trance like flow moments would certainly make for a happier you as well.

Make 2011 An Year of Action

Here we are in the first week of another new year and so many of us are making plans, renewing commitments and generally trying to figure out what we want to accomplish this year. I know I have a few things that I’m ready to get to work on including training to defend my tennis gold, bringing more passion into people’s live by booking more interviews, organizing a big gather of old friends and colleagues and, yes, I have renewed my longevity goals, continuing the tough CR (calorie restriction) diet–the only scientifically way to extend your maximum healthy life span. But regardless of what any of us plan to do, there is one thing we all have in common. We MUST take action, real solid action, for any plan, goal, or dream to become reality.

That first step, the one that shows true action and commitment, is more important than any other step you take because it will be the impetus and motivation for every step afterwards. But don’t fool yourself about what a first step is. Reading a book, looking stuff up on the internet, or asking your friends’ opinions are usually part of the planning, not the actual steps to making things happen. The first real step occurs when you invest something valuable or take a real risk with your money, time, or ego.

• Throwing out all the junk food in your house is a true first step to dieting.

• Paying a lawyer to draw up your business organization papers shows a true commitment to starting on your entrepreneurial path.

• Joining a writer’s group that requires you to write 10 pages a week makes you accountable and shows yourself and other how serious you are about writing that novel.

So what is that first important step you’ll need to take to get your plans rolling?

If you feel like you still need a little push to take that step, or need some additional inspiration, try reading my book again, How to Ignite Your Passion for Living. If you haven’t read it, then definitely get a copy and do so. Then get to work. Let’s see what wonderful things we can make happen in 2011.

The Habit of Taking Action

Here’s one other thing about the experience I had winning at the Huntsman Tennis Tournament earlier this month. Yes, a huge part of getting through that last rough match was my positive thinking and just taking it one point at a time but there is one other thing, something very fundamental, that made it possible for me to stay in a positive thought mode and persevere even though I was exhausted. It was my innate habit of taking action.

It’s no wonder that the phrase “Do as I say, not as I do” is so often used. Many people, even when they know they should take action, ignore the wisdom they possess and do nothing. But the most successful people not only know what action to take, they actually do it, naturally and automatically. If a great opportunity comes along, they don’t hem and haw and spend so much time weighing the pros and cons that it becomes too late. They also don’t sit back and do nothing just because there is risk involved or quit when things become difficult. Success, by definition, is a result of actions taken. You cannot be successful without actually doing something.

So ask yourself, “Is action or inaction my habitual response to a new opportunity or a bump in the road?” Start paying attention to how often you choose not to act or delay reacting. This can involve anything—a chance to meet new people and network, buying a book or tool that looks like it might be helpful, investing in a potentially lucrative but risky new venture, or being in a competitive situation like my tennis match. If inaction seems to be your default, start making conscious decisions to act even when your instinct is telling you to go sit it out. I bet you’ll be surprised at how often the outcome is in your favor and how energized you are just because you tried.

Just look at me. I came very close to losing that match but even if I had, I would have known that I gave it my all and that would have been infinitely better than throwing down my racquet and calling it quits. And look at what my persevering action resulted in! A gold medal and a hard earned win that I am immensely proud of.

This is not to say that you should just act on anything that comes your way. Make informed decisions and follow common sense. But, next time, act on a potentially good thing and keep moving forward even when things get tough. See if you’re not happy that you did it, regardless of the results. Eventually, if you keep forcing yourself to act, it will become automatic. And so too, will success.

« Previous Page