Deceiving Your Own Brain for Your Own Good

We all think we know our own brains but sometimes what seems logical is the exact opposite of what our brains are pushing us to think and do.

Here is a startling truth from David DiSalvo’s book What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You Should Do the Opposite that seems totally counter intuitive.

In the section of the book “Imagine Eating the Treat to Short-Circuit Food Temptations”, DiSalvo refers to the results of scientific research to show that your brain acts in ways you wouldn’t expect. “If you imagine looking at a tempting treat, your desire for it will increase. But … if you imagine eating the same treat, your desire will lessen. The reason is that to our brains, imagining an action and doing it are not to dissimilar. We can trick ourselves into feeling like we’ve already enjoyed the treat, leaving our brain with less reason to target the genuine article.”

In other words, we don’t need to actually experience what we are craving to satisfy the brain’s demand to act. Can you imagine just how useful this trick can be, not only to avoid food temptations but also to get though other challenges you’re struggling with? Try it next time you are faced with a desire you know you shouldn’t act on. Imagine eating every bite of that cake, buying and wearing those expensive shoes, or getting out of the car and screaming at the guy who just took your parking space. Go through the whole experience in your mind. Then once you’ve imagined it, let it go. You’ll find it incredibly easy to do so now that your brain thinks you’ve actually done what it was urging you to do.

This idea of using our brain’s odd way of working to help us when we need more inner strength and will-power is something I’ve been reading up on a lot lately. I’ll be bringing you more tips and ideas in the upcoming posts.

**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?

Beating Procrastination

I know I’ve been giving you a lot of suggestions lately for things I know will improve your life. The ideas seem easy enough but actually getting yourself to do these things can be tricky. Our old friend procrastination is getting in the way again.

People procrastinate for different reasons. The task may seem too difficult or you’re afraid you’ll fail or you just really don’t like doing that kind of thing. But … it’s on your to-do list because what you get out of completing the task is what you want. So, let’s focus on that.

In Neil Fiore’s book, The Now Habit, he emphasizes paying attention to our language. If you keep saying to yourself and others that you “need” to get something done or “should” be working on this or that, you make it sound like such a chore. When you say “Need” or “must”, you are essentially telling yourself that you don’t have a choice, that you are forced to do this thing. And when we don’t feel like we have choices and control, we rebel. So tell yourself “I want to do this” which mentally places you in control—you have chosen to do it. You may not like the task itself that much but in changing how you talk about it you aren’t saying you like the work but rather that you “want” the outcome. If you focus on what you want and not what you dread, it’s so much easier to do because it’s associated with something positive and desirable.

Now, if you spend a lot of time saying “I should get that done” you’re just reprimanding yourself–“You should get it done because you haven’t yet and who knows if you ever will!” This can make you depressed as you’re bound to agree with your inner voice. Nothing will get done that way.

Change it to “I want to get that done.” That adds a positive note and the sense that completing the task is something you desire. Stating our desires is usually followed up by the question “How am I going to get what I want?” so that you are more likely to figure out how and when you’ll have time to get it done. And next thing you know, you’re doing it!

So next time you’re faced with a dreaded project or looming task, just say, “Here is something I want to do and I can’t wait to get it done!” and see how much more you get accomplished and how much easier it seems to do it!

**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?

The Positive Activity List

We all have great wants and desires. Without them we’d have virtually no motivation to do anything. But there are a lot of hidden land mines that lie in our path just waiting for us to step on them and explode our dreams, desires, and goals. Our very wants and desires that are so important to our lives of passion can make us absolutely miserable if we don’t know what to do with ourselves.

As McGonigal states in her wonderful book The Willpower Instinct, “… desire is neither good nor bad–what matters is where we let it point us.”

We all know that frustrated desires can lead us to search out bad or negative ways to boost or otherwise change our mood—-by using drugs and/or alcohol, binge eating, or even going on a shopping spree. These all work well to increase dopamine and serotonin—those mood altering chemicals in our brain—giving us a high and one that can be addictive. These activities can too easily and too quickly become detrimental to our health, our finances, and our relationships. But what if you were able to increase these mood altering chemicals with something positive and productive, gaining a natural high and moving towards your goals at the same time?

I am sure anyone of us can come up with a few examples of positive activities and actions that will improve rather than harm our lives but let me give you some of my list. You can use these as a start or as examples for your own list. Use your positive experiences and what you want out of life to help create the ideas for your list.

Then when you feel yourself turning towards those old tried and true (and negative and harmful) options, chose something from this positive list instead. Do this diligently for at least a week and take note of how much better you feel about yourself and your life. I bet you’ll not only enjoy the activities you’ve used as substitutes but you will be much happier overall, looking back at all the positive and productive things you did.

Here is my list:

1. Work out: Just 6 or 12 minutes on the stair master, doing sit-ups and push-ups or using weights
2. Get a tennis game going
3. Write out my bests thoughts for the days
4. Read a good book
5. Listen to favorite music (create a custom playlist online)
6. Arrange a get together with family and friends
7. Get a massage
8. Hike or bike in mountains or just take a walk in the neighborhood
9. 5 to 10 minutes of meditation
10. 5 or 10 minutes of simple yoga

Now … what goes on your list?

**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?

Improving your Will Power

My son David gave me a great book for my 68th birthday. It’s called “The Willpower Instinct” by Kelly McGonigal, PH.D. with the sub title of “How Self-Control works, Why it Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It”. Wow that is an attention grabbing title!

Yes I know I have done a ton of preaching about the “key” or “secret” of reaching your goals–that being my concept of “B-RAM”. I discuss it at length on pages 71 through 81 of my book “How to Ignite Your Passion for Living“. But Kelly’s book ads a whole new dimension to our understanding of how the brain works and how you can program it for your own success.

Kelly discusses the advantages we gain from things like self-awareness, meditation and even 5 or 10 minutes of exercise and backs it all up with science. The ability to set great goals in your life and reach them more consistently can be gained through these methods. Your brain can even be physically changed by what you send though it. And it doesn’t matter what those goals are—anything from losing weight, to overcoming an addiction to being a better parent or making a ton of money.

Most of us think the only way our brains change is by deteriorating as we get older. But Kelly points out that over the last decade, neuroscientists have discovered that the brain stays remarkably responsive to experience. Ask your brain to do math every day, and it gets better at math. Ask your brain to worry, and it gets better at worrying. Ask your brain to concentrate, and it gets better at concentrating. “There is growing scientific evidence that you can train your brain to get better at self-control,” Kelly says.

Next week I will give you more hints and steps that you and I can take to build more will power and self-control so as to bolster our goal setting abilities.

If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?

The Word of the Week: Diligence

I received this email with comments on my last blog post from a good friend of mine, Radd Berrett. He drives home a really good point here:

Curiously, exercises … that clearly improve the quality of our lives, are so quickly jettisoned at the first sign of discomfort. Regardless we’ve actually proven the methods effective, and even warned that we’d likely recoil if not diligent, within days, sometimes even hours we revert back to old behaviors. Which only further illustrates “To know and not to do is not yet to know.” F.E.A.R. (False Events Appearing Real) is a powerful motive to embrace complacency – no matter how painful it may be. Changing such deeply ingrained behaviors takes time, practice, patience, and most importantly, remembrance.

Yep, making real improvement is going to be hard, painful even. Making something a habit—and keeping it a habit—takes serious work. You need to not let anything rise up in your mind but the end goal, what you’re after and how you are going to succeed. Never think about the alternative. And never let a little pain make you stop or put it off. Habits are only formed if you are unswerving.

So after you have decided to use affirmations, the next step is to never even let the thought enter your mind that you might back down, let it fall by the wayside or skip a chance to practice. The goal within the goal is to be diligent and stand determined even when it gets difficult.

You can even say “I always stick to my goals” over and over. Because you do, don’t you?

I want to thank Radd and all the many people who have been reading and sending me comments about my blog. It’s so wonderful to hear that this is inspiring so many of you. Please let others know about it and let’s help them find more passion for LIFE!

Stop Playing Victim

Many years ago before I had gained even a hint of wisdom, my wife said to me after we had a fight “Mark you are playing the victim now and you are trying to victimize me by what you are doing and how you are acting.” She said this because I had begun to pout and give her the silent treatment. I was playing the victim but–and here is the big point–what I was really doing was attempting to victimize her.

Of course being a young macho man then I quickly denied it all but as my mind kept turning it over and over I began admitting to myself that she was right—ouch! Finally after a few days of this, I went to her and apologized. I told her that she was absolutely correct, that I was trying to make her feel bad by acting like I was so very hurt.

As I looked back I could see that I had done that many time before and I also realized that not only was that behavior hurting our relationship but it was deeply hurting me. Many, if not most, adults do this. I would venture to guess that most of us don’t even fully realize what we’re doing.

Once you stand back and observe yourself (and others) and fully understand the concept and what is really happening, then and only then can you stop this harmful behavior. For most of us that may be hard to do but what is so bad about saying “Hey, I was wrong and I am sorry”?

In fact, try this … next time you get into a battle with your spouse, kids, friends, boss, employees or whomever, say to yourself “Hey pal, get over yourself! Maybe I am wrong. We are all right sometimes and we are all wrong sometimes.” And ask yourself why does it matter if you are right? Most things are not that important.

Do that often and you’ll see that your stress level will drop dramatically and as a big bonus –your relationships will take a huge leap upwards!

The Great Advantages of Focusing on Others

The Dalai Lama said two very profound things in his book The Compassionate Life

“The moment you think only of yourself, the focus of your whole reality narrows, and because of this narrow focus, uncomfortable things can appear huge and bring you fear and discomfort and a sense of feeling overwhelmed by misery”.

Then next he said, “The moment you think of others with a sense of caring, however, your view widens. Within that wider perspective, your own problems appear to be of little significance …”

That difference, a singular shift in how you choose to look upon the world, influences both your mental and physical health. There, in a nutshell, is one of the biggest and best lessons of life—keep everyone and everything in a positive perspective.

But how do you gain that perspective, if you find you are dwelling mostly on you and your problems? You program yourself through the use of positive affirmations.

I began repeating the following every morning and I immediately noticed a difference in my conversations and relationships — it gave me a new and immensely genuine level of interest in other people’s lives and challenges and it’s a very simple statement: “I love people and I carefully listen to them.”

Loving and getting along with other people is so very critical. The effect on your mental health is probably easy to imagine but there are also studies showing a strong connection between how we interact with people and our physical health. The more positive you are about others and how you relate to them, the more positive an impact this will have on you both mentally and physically.

Choose the above PA or create one that truly strikes you and repeat several times every day. Keeping focused on others will make life better for both them and you.

Stop Giving Power to your Problems

Here’s something we all tend to do but for no good reason most of the time–complain. Why? It doesn’t really help anything. In fact it can be mentally devastating. Sure, we all have problems that we want to vent about but it doesn’t usually solve the problem. Worse than that though, most of us wrongly think that these problems–a lawsuit, terrible relationship, sickness, financial problem or whatever–are the source of our unhappiness and all we have to do is get rid of that problem to make our life perfect. But that idea is just a dream.

About the time you solve your current challenge I guarantee something else will pop up and take its place. Sometimes these will not be as big as the one you just got through but other times they will be worse. If you don’t come to the realization that life’s challenges never really end then you will go on complaining (whether it’s out loud or to yourself) and that negative mindset will make your challenges seem bigger and more terrible since the complaining gives energy and life to the problem.

On the other hand if you come to accept that life will always be filled with bumps and challenges then you can prepare yourself to deal with whatever comes your way. The best part is that preparation can be done in that little super power space between your ears, with wonderful, simple and effective practices such as prayer, meditation or positive affirmations. Amazing, isn’t it? You can make huge problems very small with just your thoughts. All that power is within you.

If you enjoy my motivational weekly blog, share it with all the wonderful people you know. Send them to ignitemylifenow.com so we can help ignite people’s passion for living.

PAs … a different kind of Prayer

I know we’ve spent a lot of posts on the subject of your inner voice but I feel it’s that important. I am also hoping that each post finds you still dedicated to making the changes you need to make, forming a habit of doing daily positive affirmations and keeping the awareness of what you are saying in your mind in the forefront until its automatic for you to bury or not even bring up the self-sabotaging language.

Recently it dawned on me that positive affirmations are a lot like praying or meditation. It seems that they are pretty much the same thing with the same basic results.

Maybe part of the reason they usually have the same positive results is because when a person prays or meditates, he or she rarely prays or meditates in a negative way–just like positive affirmations. Think about it … when a person prays are complaints or negative commentary part of their prayers? No, I don’t think so. It is more commonly about giving thanks and/or asking for something good to happen in their lives. Same thing with proper meditation–you don’t complain inside your head and just like repeating PA’s over and over, you do it to drown out or silence the negative chatter that is always trying to take over.

So if it helps, think of your positive inner chatter and affirmations as calm, confident prayers or mediation. Negativity has no place here. It’s all about the good you can and will do for yourself, your loved ones and the world around you.

Share the Power of Affirmations

There is an old Zen saying: “To know and not to do is not yet to know.” I still find it hard to believe I got so far away from using the power of my own subconscious for so long. Yes, I’m still talking about Positive Affirmations. Are you practicing them? Have you seen just how powerful they can be? I use to know and work on them all the time but somewhere along the way I got complacent and figured that I didn’t need to “practice” or maybe I just got lazy … or probably both.

Thankfully, I was reminded about something I thought I already knew. I have said it before but it needs saying again … I owe so much to Susan Jeffers’ book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway”. She and Jack Canfield retaught me what I thought I already knew. I sincerely hope that whoever may be reading this blog is reminded and helped by this very powerful technique just as much as I was. I know it can lead whoever practices it to anything and everything they want out of life.

Also, be sure to share it with others. You’ll be glad you did when you see what wonderfully positive things it does for people lives. In fact if you like this or any past blogs I have written, please pass them on to your friends and relatives. I would be very grateful but most importantly I know that it will benefit them. Thank you and please spread the word.

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