Getting Away from It All Should Never Be Forever

I think most of us know that busy lives are usually happy lives. But I think we’ve also been sold a bill of goods with our thinking that if we could only make lots of money then we could quit or retire and sit by the pool drinking Mai Tai’s the rest of our lives and be happy as pigs in slop. I am here to tell you that it just ain’t true!

We think this because when we are working hard and staying busy and then we take a break –going on vacation or a quick getaway–it makes us feel so good and refreshed that we mistakenly believe that if we could just do that all the time we’d have a permanent refreshed and a super great feeling.  But it doesn’t work like that. The fact is, if we don’t do the hard work then it’s really not a break and it doesn’t give us any reward or, at most, very little reward. We must all burn into our brains that the pause or the break should always remain as just that and never become a permanent thing.

Look at the recent London Olympics. Think of the four years of work that lead up to the moment we watched those young people step up on the award platform. Those award ceremonies were their break and their reward and you could see how immensely they enjoyed it. But what would become of those athletes lives if they sat back, doing nothing, trying to make that super reward moment last the rest of their lives without doing any more hard work? We can all imagine it, their lives going quickly downhill because each day there would be nothing to look forward to.

We all need to take a much harder look at our own lives and make sure we don’t ever turn the pause into a permanent state of living.  Passionate, fulfilled lives come from action and staying busy. Push yourself hard then, and only then, take a break and celebrate your hard work and accomplishments.

Regaining Our Patience

I’ve learned to be more patient than ever over the last couple months. With my wife recovering from surgery and not being able to talk, being patient is a must! But it’s not easy to do, especially in a world where everything is at our fingertips, where we can access information and people wirelessly and instantaneously. I think we’re getting a little out of practice. So here are a few things to help you regain your patience when it seems to be a bit thin:

Ask yourself what is so important that you can’t give someone a little extra time to say or do something? Are you truly in a hurry or just feeling anxious or worried?

Ask yourself if it’s the person, the circumstance or an outside issue that is making you impatient? Identifying the reason you a feeling impatient can help you understand and combat it.

Put yourself in shoes of the person you are being impatient with. Are they struggling with their words or ideas? Is this difficult for them to do or say? Maybe you can help in some way or at least empathize with their situation which should diminish your impatience.

Ask yourself, what really matters here? If you really have no time, then kindly excuse yourself noting your schedule crunch but otherwise, focusing on what is important–both of you understanding the point of the conversation, that a task is done right, or that the other person feels a sense of accomplishment when they do complete the task at hand–will help you calm down and redirect your thoughts.

Lastly, take pride in the moments you conquer impatience. These days it often no small feat and the things we are proud of we tend to do more readily in the future.

Using Our Capacity to Help Others to Help Ourselves

As you probably know by now, I have been in Boston helping my wife through some difficult medical procedures. Observing my wife’s first 3 days after her delicate 6 hour surgery, in so much discomfort, pain, suffering and nausea, woke up my empathy beyond words to the point that I desperately wanted to be able to share some of that pain if not take it all myself.

Then after the first 3 days knowing that Kimberly’s condition didn’t allow her to eat a single morsel of food it really hit me just how long we can go without food and not damage our health. I decided to give Kimberly some moral support by not eating for 3 days. Not that she uttered one word of complaint in that time but I knew it would help her–and me–to be in this together. To be honest, I did have one small salad each of the 3 days I did this because I had to take care of myself to some extent to continue to have strength to be there for her.

The thing is, being here and realizing what we really can do for each other, the suffering we can take on for others has got me thinking about how much we could take on for ourselves. We tend to avoid pain, discomfort and difficult situations even when we know it would be better for us to go through the hard times to get to a better place in our lives. So it got me thinking … if we will go through so much because of our love for another person, couldn’t we do this for the love of ourselves?

It’s something to think about the next time you hesitate to take on a difficult challenge. Do you love yourself enough to do this to make your life better?

**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?

My Own Self-Check List, Part 2

So … did you go through the questions I gave you last week, the ones that will help you focus on becoming super successful? Did you find that they brought up all kinds of ideas and aspects of yourself and your life you hadn’t thought about too much before?

Today, I have an additional ten questions for you. These really get into the big picture of who you are and what you want. Go ahead and actually write down your answers. If there are any answers that you aren’t happy with–things you discover that you would like to change or know you need to address–highlight them. Then spend some time either journaling or talking to friends and family about what you need to do so that not too long from now, you can answer these questions with positive statements that show you know who you are and where you are going with your life.

11. Have I set goals big enough to energize my mind, body and soul to the point that these objectives are my core or dominant thoughts?
12. Do I want to be my own boss?
13. Do people like me and can I inspire others with my dreams and goals so they will follow me and help me achieve my objectives?
14. Am I a generalist who can delegate to others or a specialist who must do everything myself?
15. Do I have a great degree of intuitive ability or am I very gullible and can easily be deceived?
16. Am I able to take major disappointment and bounce right back?
17. Do I have the right paradigm or view of the world that will drive the right attitude in myself? (I must always remember that if I don’t like my life I must change my attitude and thinking.)
18. Do I use the huge and great power of “choice”? (Mankind’s most powerful attribute)
19. Do I ‘borrow’ the brains of others through personal contacts, books, cd’s, podcasts, texting, emails etc.?
20. Can I, and do I, adapt and adjust my goals to economic, political, technological, and relationship changes?

What topics would you like to read more about? What are your favorite posts you’ve read so far? Help me make this blog as helpful as possible to you and the other readers by letting me know what you’d like to read more of at marko@reincome.com. —MOH.

My Own Self-Check List, Part 1

I was getting myself better organized the other day and came across a list of 20 questions that I used in the past to help me focus on qualities I wanted to see in myself in order to have my own “Super Success”. I wrote the list back in December 2003 but reading it over, I found it just as relevant now as I did back then, so I wanted to share it with you all. I believe these, or your own personal variation, can help just about anyone.

Here are the first 10 and next week I will post the second group of 10. Read the list and ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I being pro-active?
2. Do I believe in myself (How’s my self-esteem doing?)
3. Am I being “time conscious? (Life is very short so I want to live every day to the fullest. Even if I live to be 80 years old, that’s only a little over 700,000 hours!)
4. Do I spend time, planning, calculating, and running the numbers on various projects that I want to see succeed?
5. Do I make decisions that need to be made? Am I decisive enough and realize that it’s better to make more decisions and be wrong than to not be decisive?
6. Am I staying organized and do I keep working on being better at it?
(I test myself by observing my desk, my files, and even the backseat of my car.)
7. Do I do what I say I am going to do, both to myself and to others?
(My word needs to be my bond—my reputation will follow. My honor is my greatest power)
8. Do I have high ambitions and enough energy to follow through?
(I remind myself often of how I can create extra energy–like having great ideas and dreams along with focus for extra energy.)
9. How do I stick with a project?
10. How is my discipline factor? (I must remember that if I want to rule the world or any part of my own world I must rule myself first.)

If you find this list helpful–please feel free to pass it on to others that may benefit from it. And I would love it if you would drop me an email at marko@reincome.com and tell me how you liked this blog. —MOH.

Deceiving Your Own Brain for Your Own Good

We all think we know our own brains but sometimes what seems logical is the exact opposite of what our brains are pushing us to think and do.

Here is a startling truth from David DiSalvo’s book What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You Should Do the Opposite that seems totally counter intuitive.

In the section of the book “Imagine Eating the Treat to Short-Circuit Food Temptations”, DiSalvo refers to the results of scientific research to show that your brain acts in ways you wouldn’t expect. “If you imagine looking at a tempting treat, your desire for it will increase. But … if you imagine eating the same treat, your desire will lessen. The reason is that to our brains, imagining an action and doing it are not to dissimilar. We can trick ourselves into feeling like we’ve already enjoyed the treat, leaving our brain with less reason to target the genuine article.”

In other words, we don’t need to actually experience what we are craving to satisfy the brain’s demand to act. Can you imagine just how useful this trick can be, not only to avoid food temptations but also to get though other challenges you’re struggling with? Try it next time you are faced with a desire you know you shouldn’t act on. Imagine eating every bite of that cake, buying and wearing those expensive shoes, or getting out of the car and screaming at the guy who just took your parking space. Go through the whole experience in your mind. Then once you’ve imagined it, let it go. You’ll find it incredibly easy to do so now that your brain thinks you’ve actually done what it was urging you to do.

This idea of using our brain’s odd way of working to help us when we need more inner strength and will-power is something I’ve been reading up on a lot lately. I’ll be bringing you more tips and ideas in the upcoming posts.

**If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?

Improving your Will Power

My son David gave me a great book for my 68th birthday. It’s called “The Willpower Instinct” by Kelly McGonigal, PH.D. with the sub title of “How Self-Control works, Why it Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It”. Wow that is an attention grabbing title!

Yes I know I have done a ton of preaching about the “key” or “secret” of reaching your goals–that being my concept of “B-RAM”. I discuss it at length on pages 71 through 81 of my book “How to Ignite Your Passion for Living“. But Kelly’s book ads a whole new dimension to our understanding of how the brain works and how you can program it for your own success.

Kelly discusses the advantages we gain from things like self-awareness, meditation and even 5 or 10 minutes of exercise and backs it all up with science. The ability to set great goals in your life and reach them more consistently can be gained through these methods. Your brain can even be physically changed by what you send though it. And it doesn’t matter what those goals are—anything from losing weight, to overcoming an addiction to being a better parent or making a ton of money.

Most of us think the only way our brains change is by deteriorating as we get older. But Kelly points out that over the last decade, neuroscientists have discovered that the brain stays remarkably responsive to experience. Ask your brain to do math every day, and it gets better at math. Ask your brain to worry, and it gets better at worrying. Ask your brain to concentrate, and it gets better at concentrating. “There is growing scientific evidence that you can train your brain to get better at self-control,” Kelly says.

Next week I will give you more hints and steps that you and I can take to build more will power and self-control so as to bolster our goal setting abilities.

If you like what you’ve read in this blog please send it on to people you know and love, to people who you think this message and information may be very helpful. There is nothing in the world that brings greater satisfaction than helping other people. Don’t you agree?

Stop Playing Victim

Many years ago before I had gained even a hint of wisdom, my wife said to me after we had a fight “Mark you are playing the victim now and you are trying to victimize me by what you are doing and how you are acting.” She said this because I had begun to pout and give her the silent treatment. I was playing the victim but–and here is the big point–what I was really doing was attempting to victimize her.

Of course being a young macho man then I quickly denied it all but as my mind kept turning it over and over I began admitting to myself that she was right—ouch! Finally after a few days of this, I went to her and apologized. I told her that she was absolutely correct, that I was trying to make her feel bad by acting like I was so very hurt.

As I looked back I could see that I had done that many time before and I also realized that not only was that behavior hurting our relationship but it was deeply hurting me. Many, if not most, adults do this. I would venture to guess that most of us don’t even fully realize what we’re doing.

Once you stand back and observe yourself (and others) and fully understand the concept and what is really happening, then and only then can you stop this harmful behavior. For most of us that may be hard to do but what is so bad about saying “Hey, I was wrong and I am sorry”?

In fact, try this … next time you get into a battle with your spouse, kids, friends, boss, employees or whomever, say to yourself “Hey pal, get over yourself! Maybe I am wrong. We are all right sometimes and we are all wrong sometimes.” And ask yourself why does it matter if you are right? Most things are not that important.

Do that often and you’ll see that your stress level will drop dramatically and as a big bonus –your relationships will take a huge leap upwards!

PAs … a different kind of Prayer

I know we’ve spent a lot of posts on the subject of your inner voice but I feel it’s that important. I am also hoping that each post finds you still dedicated to making the changes you need to make, forming a habit of doing daily positive affirmations and keeping the awareness of what you are saying in your mind in the forefront until its automatic for you to bury or not even bring up the self-sabotaging language.

Recently it dawned on me that positive affirmations are a lot like praying or meditation. It seems that they are pretty much the same thing with the same basic results.

Maybe part of the reason they usually have the same positive results is because when a person prays or meditates, he or she rarely prays or meditates in a negative way–just like positive affirmations. Think about it … when a person prays are complaints or negative commentary part of their prayers? No, I don’t think so. It is more commonly about giving thanks and/or asking for something good to happen in their lives. Same thing with proper meditation–you don’t complain inside your head and just like repeating PA’s over and over, you do it to drown out or silence the negative chatter that is always trying to take over.

So if it helps, think of your positive inner chatter and affirmations as calm, confident prayers or mediation. Negativity has no place here. It’s all about the good you can and will do for yourself, your loved ones and the world around you.

Share the Power of Affirmations

There is an old Zen saying: “To know and not to do is not yet to know.” I still find it hard to believe I got so far away from using the power of my own subconscious for so long. Yes, I’m still talking about Positive Affirmations. Are you practicing them? Have you seen just how powerful they can be? I use to know and work on them all the time but somewhere along the way I got complacent and figured that I didn’t need to “practice” or maybe I just got lazy … or probably both.

Thankfully, I was reminded about something I thought I already knew. I have said it before but it needs saying again … I owe so much to Susan Jeffers’ book “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway”. She and Jack Canfield retaught me what I thought I already knew. I sincerely hope that whoever may be reading this blog is reminded and helped by this very powerful technique just as much as I was. I know it can lead whoever practices it to anything and everything they want out of life.

Also, be sure to share it with others. You’ll be glad you did when you see what wonderfully positive things it does for people lives. In fact if you like this or any past blogs I have written, please pass them on to your friends and relatives. I would be very grateful but most importantly I know that it will benefit them. Thank you and please spread the word.

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