Acceptance in the Here and Now

I noticed that I and a number of other people are having a hard time with life events recently. We will all have difficult times to deal with but how events affect us now and impact us in the long run depends on how we deal with them. If you’ve followed this blog for a while then you’ve probably read my thoughts on living in the now and how it affects your health, stress level, and just enjoyment of life. Well, the same kind of thing is key for dealing with hard times.

When we find ourselves in an emotional or difficult moment–whether it’s a bad injury, a deadline you’ve missed at work, or the loss of a loved one, one of the first things that comes to mind is wanting or wishing you could change the circumstances you find yourself in. There’s no point in doing this but we all do it just the same. If you hold onto those thoughts, you’ll just be torturing yourself which does you and those around you no good at all and can be harmful in the long run.

It’s true that some situations can actually be changed for the better, but, unfortunately, there are a lot of things you can’t change and some things we shouldn’t try to change. Sometimes trying to change the difficult thing we’re dealing with is just going to waste a lot of energy on a losing battle. Sometimes it can make something even worse.

So, the first thing you need to do with any situation is to accept what has already happened. The past cannot be changed. If you missed that deadline, well, you can’t go back and get the work done on time any longer, but you can move forward and get the job done as soon as possible or, if it’s just too late, put it aside and pick up the next most important task. If someone has passed away, celebrate who they were and how they have enriched your life while realizing and accepting that everyone will pass on and that it’s just part of this wonderful miracle of life we have been lucky enough to experience.

Accepting and living in the moment won’t make the stress or pain of what has happened go away completely and that’s okay too. Disappointment, pain, and sorrow are normal when things get rough. It’s an emotional reaction that we don’t choose. But we can choose how long we are going to dwell on it. Those emotions are a reaction to the circumstance, but the initial reaction is momentary.

So, go ahead and feel your emotions and accept them as normal and natural but let go of any attempts to control what has already happened. This will make it so much easier to accept difficult circumstances. When you do, it will reduce the emotional and physical pain and problems you’ll have while dealing with the situation.

That’s what it means to live in the now and accept and appreciate the moments we have, the good and the bad. It’s just not worth spending your precious time wishing things had been different. And it’s not worth your precious energy to try changing the present in an attempt to rewrite the past, no matter how bad an effect it has had on you and your loved ones.

So even though you can’t change the past, you can change the here and now and you can change what happens next. The only thing that can do this and can change how a difficult situation will affect you, is in how you deal with it in the moment you have, that moment of the here and now.

The Time for Gratitude is Now

In the past few days, it’s been very shocking to see in the news all the damage left by these huge storms we’ve had lately all over the world. The damage wasn’t what most people expected and so many didn’t see it coming but then it hit, quickly and so very powerfully that thousands of people lost their homes, businesses, and for some, sadly, their lives.

What we humans experience hits us at all different levels but sometimes what hits us the most is the loss of things we’ve taken for granted. It’s only then, after we lose them, that we realize we haven’t given much thought and appreciation for all that we have. Everything from small possessions to big things like a best friend or family member can be lost in an instant.

I have experienced this many times in my life. There were big losses, but I also lost many small things that I’ve felt kind of stupid for not being very grateful for when I had them. There are things, like being healthy,  that don’t seem like a big deal when you have it, but it can be devasting when you lose even small parts of it. I have been realizing that a lot lately, that great health is something we need to always be grateful for. We need to take notice every day and be thankful for our good health and well-being.

If you take a look at our lives here in the good ole USA, compared with most other countries in the world, wow, we have it so good here! We really ought to take time to notice all the good things we have in our lives right now and not wait until we lose them to appreciate them.

Recently it struck me hard that I have not taken enough time to appreciate so many things.  One of the big things that was taken away from me, that I realized I always took for granted, was my ability to play tennis.

I took up the sport when I was 35 years old and was given lessons by a former professional that had big time success and even played at Wimbledon, a tournament considered one of 4 greatest in the world. I was later in many big tourneys myself, receiving 2 gold medals at the annual Huntsman World Senior Games. I even met some of the game’s greatest and most famous players like Roger Federer and Andrew Agassi while hanging out in the player’s lounge at that tournament.

Then my time playing some pretty good tennis all changed when I had an unforeseeable accident, falling so hard that I was knocked out for over 15 minutes. Talk about things I took for granted! I didn’t really appreciate all those great games I got to play and all the tournaments I was able to win until I lost my ability to play. I could hardly hit the ball or even run.

Luckily, I have able to start playing again and I am loving it. Not being able to for a time made me realize how very important it is to take time to appreciate all the good things in life and do that before something hits you hard and changes everything, for the moment or even forever. In other words, let’s all appreciate the good things, big and small, when we have and do that before we lose it.

Lessons from Ukraine

Like many of you, this war in Ukraine has been weighing very heavily on my mind. It just seems so stupid and pointless. It has gotten me thinking about my visit to that beautiful country in 2011. Back then, we spent a very pleasurable couple of days in Kiev, Ukraine’s capital and one of the oldest cities in Eastern Europe. The city has been on a crazy roller coaster throughout its history. It’s gone from great prosperity and prominence to near obscurity and everything in between. And although the Russians aren’t at the capital, and hopefully will never get there in this crazy war, the spirit of that city represents the whole country, a place that we can all learn from as we hope and pray for an end to this awful fighting.

It was thought that Kiev was a commercial center of Eastern Europe as early as the 5th century, being on the route between Scandinavia and Constantinople. In the 9th century, the city was seized by Vikings, then it was demolished by Mongols in the mid-13th century. The city made a comeback during the Russian Empire’s Industrial Revolution in the late 1800s, going on to eventually be chosen as the capital of the newly formed Ukrainian National Republic in 1917. It weathered the sweeping communist reforms of the early 20th century only to be greatly damaged in World War II. Even so, it recovered to become the 3rd largest city of the Soviet Union. Half a century later, Ukraine claimed its independence and Kiev, again, became the capital of a richly fertile, if still financially struggling, land.

For all its hardships, including the one it’s dealing with right now, the country is historically resilient and strong. It has had huge challenges and, sometimes, great defeats. But being knocked down has only been a temporary state for this country and its capital city. It keeps getting back up and keeps moving forward.

If this place, which has been invaded, demolished, controlled by its neighbors, and beaten-up multiple times can recover to claim and reclaim its prominent position after all it’s been through, we can hold on to tremendous hope for the Ukrainian people, and for ourselves, because they represent the possibilities for us all.

So, next time you are facing a huge challenge or defeat, consider how much the country of Ukraine has been through and how the people there are persevering and even pushing back the much bigger country of Russia. If Ukraine and its beautiful capital can do that with all they have been up against, there is no reason why we as individuals can’t weather our challenges and fully recover from our own losses and defeats as well, if not come back better than ever.