Refire Your Life

I’ve written a bit about retirement recently, and how it kind of kicked me in the face, mostly because I hadn’t made enough plans or lined up enough activities to fill my life and all those hours that were suddenly open and free. The big problem was I hadn’t realized I needed to plan all those “to do” things so, instead of enjoying being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, I found myself going a bit crazy.

This really surprised me but I hadn’t really thought about how important a routine, a purpose, or a to-do list was. Once I started to understand what was missing, I did set up new goals and tried to come up with, and stick to, a daily and weekly routine and it worked for me. Well, at least somewhat. There were still tough days to deal with.

Then, recently, I came across a book—I think one of my kids gave it to me. Its title, Refire! Don’t Retire, really grabbed me, as did the subtitle, Make the Rest of Your Life the Best of Your Life, by Ken Blanchard and Morton Shaevitz.  It’s a great book that has motivated me to plan more, set better routines, and go after more in life.

The author outlines four keys to the best life: Emotional, Intellectual, Physical, and Spiritual. This made me look closer at each of these areas of my life.

After reading this great book I concluded that I certainly couldn’t play tennis, my favorite game, all day, every day, so I decided to look at other things I could do that would give me great satisfaction and use up my free time.

When I stopped to really look, wow, did I find plenty of things to put on my list. There is everything from spending more time planning stuff with my family and friends to going out of my way to meet new people. Then I also thought, “Wait a darn minute. What have I always loved to do and now can do even more of? That big something that I’ve always loved is traveling. Yes, it takes money and can take quite a bit of work to plan, but that is just another thing I get to do with my free time.

I’ve found, over the years, that traveling to new places expands and excites the mind and we can all learn so much from looking at and being with other cultures and in other countries. It really does open up your life.

Then another thought that I haven’t followed through on yet, but I will, is to do more coaching and teaching of others, young or old, about the things I’ve learned about life and living. I want others to know that life is fun and fulfilling but it really does help to help others. I’ve had so many people come up to me or write to thank me for showing them the way to make a fortune and the many ways there are to expand their lives. Doing that has been the most rewarding part of all. It is better than money even.

No One’s Life is Perfect

I ran into a friend a few days ago and greeted him with the old familiar “Hey, how’s it going?”  He gave the usual response of “I’m doing fine”, but he added two words to the beginning of his greeting: “I guess …”!  Wow. That totally changed the meaning of his greeting and his facial expression matched those two added words. Obviously, he wasn’t doing “fine”. So I dug a little deeper and found out he really was struggling with some big issues.

In today’s world of fast and quickly expanding social media we are given the impression that people out there have near perfect lives.  I mean take a look at virtually anyone’s Facebook and you’ll see all these fun pictures and comments. Much of what we see is the good stuff, and of course there is really nothing wrong with that, but it sure can make a lot of people feel and believe that their own lives, filled with challenges, big ups and downs, and problems are really “messed up”, causing self-pity, depression and, in the worst cases, even suicide.

The fact is, nobody’s life is perfect or even close, but when you’re looking from the outside you might be tricked into thinking that other people are doing tons better than you. If you take time to look and probe on a deeper level you will see that the surface view can be very misleading since most of us don’t announce or display our problems but prefer to show and advertise our successes.

So, if you really want to know the truth and gain insight into a person’s real and complete life,you need to dig deeper.  One easy way to do this is by simply asking the right questions.  For example, pick a friend or relative that seems to be doing well as you see on their Facebook postings or hear them talk about their world travel, huge income or impressive home and lifestyle, and ask questions like these:

1.  What are the biggest challenges you are having in life right now?

2.  In the past, what do you think has been the worst or hardest part of your life?

3.  Who or what makes you sad?

4.  Do you ever get down or depressed? (If they say yes, ask how often and what causes it.)

5.  What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?

6.  Do you think much about your own mortality?

7.  What in your life scares you the most?

8.  Have you experienced any great tragedy in your life? If so, what happened and when?

9.  Do you worry and think about tragedy striking you in the future?

If you take a little time, you certainly can add your own probing questions to this list.

I’m pretty sure if you question those who you think have “the perfect life” you will find, as I have, that no matter how rich and famous or perfect their lives look from the outside, they too have their problems and challenges and many times much larger problems that you would have ever guessed.

You might ask at this point, “Why go through all of this questioning?”

I personally believe it’s a very good thing to do for at least 2 reasons.  First, it can help you see and understand yourself better and remove any self-pity or feelings of “not as good as other people”. It can even lift you out of a state of depression, so you come up with the thought of “Hey I’m not doing so badly after all.” Because of this, you may see yourself in a much different light and find you have higher self-esteem”.

Second, and most importantly, knowing the challenges and problems of your relatives and friends can put you in the perfect position to step up and help them overcome some of their problems, challenges and obstacles.  This makes it a real Win-Win. And all for just asking a few questions!