Facing Our Temptations

As human beings, we have many good habits that we’ve formed and held onto in our lives and then there are some bad habits that we’d really like to dump. Like most of us, you have probably observed and experienced how very difficult it is to change a bad habit, whether the bad habit is overeating, overworking, sleeping too much or too little, watching too much TV, checking our email or text compulsively or some even worse habit or addiction.

Thinking about this recently reminded me to look again at a book I read some years ago. I believe it’s one that can shed tremendous light on our habits including how to form good ones and how to break bad ones. The book is Living Beautifully by Pema Chodron.

I must admit that even though I’ve formed lots of good habits that have led to some very wonderful and rewarding successes in parts of my life, I’ve also had some bad habits that have hurt me, and it’s been so very frustrating for me to try to break or change the bad ones only to fail and fall back into them. But Pema’s book has some real answers and directions that, so far, seem to be quite a breakthrough.

First of all, she outlines that part of the reason we have trouble breaking bad habits is because we are too hard on ourselves.  What most of us do when we end up doing something that we’ve tried to stop doing, is to get mad at ourselves, beating ourselves up with all kinds of negative self-talk. Then we try to repress our thoughts and whatever we did that got us to break our promise to ourselves. She strongly suggests that instead, we come to recognize that we are fundamentally good rather than thinking that we are fundamentally flawed.

Probably Pema’s biggest lesson for us is a bit surprising. She suggests that if we are trying to break a bad habit, we need to think hard on refraining from doing what we promised ourselves we wouldn’t do but DON’T repress it. In other words, face the fact that you are tempted or even that you give in and do it.

She goes on to say that many bad habits come from us trying to escape from uncertainty and fear in our lives, especially in particular situations.  So when we are faced with the desire to fall into that bad habit, we need to examine our thinking to see what led us to that point and then try to refrain from that action but not repress our thoughts about it. Tell yourself it’s okay that you feel like falling back into that habit but also tell yourself, in that moment, you are going to resist. And then every time the thought comes up, you do that again.

Pema has science backing her up on this issue.  She says, “Science is demonstrating that every time we refrain but don’t repress, new neural pathways open up in the brain. In not taking the old escape routes, we’re predisposing ourselves to a new way of seeing ourselves, a new way of relating to the mysteriously unpredictable world in which we live.” And so, in the process, we are hard wiring our brain to do the right thing automatically.

What I learned from Pema is already working well on a couple bad habits that I’ve been trying to break for years, and I am so pleased!! Try it yourself and you may well see what I mean and find success.

Investing in Uncertain Times

The past couple of weeks have been a roller coaster in the news and it has left some people feeling anxious about the future. That can happen right before an election anyway because we feel uncertain not knowing who’s going to be in White House or what they might do. We have also been going through a couple of years of high inflation coming off the crazy time we had with the pandemic. So, it’s no wonder that some people don’t want to take risks, especially big risks with their money.

Investing your money will always come with some kind of risk. If it wasn’t risky, everybody would be doing it! But none of us would make much money if everybody was trying to do it so think of risk as a kind of filter that sorts out the people who can’t take a lot of risk or who just aren’t comfortable with it.

The problem for people who aren’t comfortable with taking some risks is that they can end up looking back and regretting that they didn’t invest back when they had the chance to really grow their wealth.

So, what I’m trying to say is, don’t be like the people that will look back in 3, 5, or 10 years from now and wish they had gotten into real estate income properties sooner. The sooner you can start investing in real estate, the more wealth you will have in the long run.

I’ll tell you one really true thing — politicians are not going to cure our inflation. They’ve not been able to do so since the beginning of time.  So don’t think that your choice for government leadership is going to reduce inflation, give us certainty in the stock market, or create a strong real estate market. Besides, now is actually a good time because you can benefit from national inflation instead of being hurt by it.

The thing is though, you need to know how to go about getting into these investments, because otherwise you’ll be making all the mistakes you really want to avoid. I know… I made a lot of mistakes when I got started. But you don’t have to make those mistakes that are only going to slow you down. 

My book, The Next Step to Waking the Financial Genius Inside You, contains a tried and true game plan to avoid many of the common mistakes people make when starting out and gives you specific knowledge to keep you on the right path.

You and I may be different in many ways, but I honestly and sincerely believe we have at least one common interest — that we live in a country with opportunity, and we have the means to make things happen.

I have tremendous faith in our American free enterprise system — as I hope you do — and I believe that your efforts can be so well rewarded.  If you stop and think about it, our economic system is geared to allow the ambitious to succeed. So don’t let the ups and down in the news get to you. Instead, get yourself the information you need to make you feel more confident that you can minimize your risks. Because America still is a country where a person can make their dreams come true.

The Most Helpful of Lines

When we hear the word “dead” in a conversation, most of us automatically start to imagine some really bad stuff because dead is something we try to keep away from in most of the ways the word is used. But there is one use of the word “dead” that can, and does, add so much to our lives when used in one particular way — when it’s linked with the word “line”, as in “deadline”.

The origin of the word deadline is very interesting. It came about during the US civil war when prisoners were surrounded by barriers or sometimes just simple lines drawn in the dirt. If a prisoner crossed over these, the guards we under orders to shoot them dead! These boundaries were called deadlines.

These days, deadlines are defined as the time by which something must be finished or is a line or limit that must not be passed. So, it’s not as scary as the original meaning of the word but it can motivate us to get things done so we don’t cross over that line which, today, usually means we’ve failed, or we’ve missed an opportunity.

The good thing about deadlines now is that they can make our world a more organized and efficient place. They force us to push ourselves a little bit harder to do more and be more. Even though this is true, we still often need that little extra push even though you’d think that just the idea of how short life is would make us want to hurry up and get things done.

Sometimes I think that if none of us ever died then we would probably not have a clue why anyone would want to set time limits or deadlines on themselves, since time would not be much of a concern. Why? Because we’d never run out of it. But, of course, we all have a limited amount of time in our days and even in our lives. I mean, the average person lives less than 30,000 days or 720,000 hours. So, it’s important to use the time we have wisely and efficiently. Deadlines are one of those great things that help us do just that.

Just think what it would be like if we didn’t have deadlines for things like:

• Starting or finishing the workday.
• Starting or finishing a school day.
• Business deals or real estate offers to sell, buy or close a deal.
• Expected departure and arrival times for airlines, trains and buses.
• Meeting up with friends or doing things for family.
• When we want to accomplish goals that we’ve set for ourselves.

I think the last one on that list is particularly important. Sometimes those deadlines for our goals are not as immovable as, say, the departure of your flight or when you have to start work each day, but they are just as important. And they should be considered rigid and nonnegotiable. Why set deadlines for goals if you don’t work hard to meet them?

We don’t always make our deadlines but that’s no reason to stop setting them or stop trying to meet them. They give us something to reach for, something to motivate us and they give us a sense of urgency. So, you want to have those deadlines no matter what. Just don’t let those times when you don’t succeed in meeting your deadlines keep you from trying again or trying harder next time.

So, my message for you this week, and really for all of you who would like a productive and more satisfying life, is to keep setting big goals for yourself and be sure to include those deadlines so you can push yourself to use your time wisely and more efficiently. But don’t shoot yourself if you step over the deadline a bit. Just re-boot and try again.

Being the Right Kind of Person

I’ve been looking back at some past posts, and one mentioned a book that has been super helpful since I first read it in 2005. The book is Goals! How to Get Everything You Want Faster Than You Ever Thought Possible. I’ve always felt it a privilege to call its author, Brian Tracy, a friend. He’s not only a warm, friendly person, but he’s also smart and wise. His advice in Goals! is fantastic. I have reaped huge rewards from following his wonderful and sage advice.

When I read, I often make notes on the ideas and quotes that I find particularly wise. In the front blank pages of Brian’s books, I scribbled page number references so I could go back to my favorite parts and lines such as, ‘Character is the ability to follow through on a resolution after the enthusiasm with which the resolution was made has passed.” That’s on page 263.

But what Brian wrote about the concept that gives a person a huge advantage to be successful that really influenced me was written under the subhead, “Get Around the Right People”. In that chapter, Brian says that you should, “make it a point to associate with the kind of people that you like, admire, respect, and want to be like sometime in the future. Associate with the kind of people that you look up to and would be proud to introduce to your friends and associates. The choice of a positive, goal-oriented reference group can do more to supercharge your career than any other factor.”

When I set my goal to be a millionaire, one of the first things I did was to set in motion a plan to meet and get to know wealthy people. On that list were two billionaires who didn’t know me from Adam but who, with persistence and a plan, I was able to meet and get to know as well as get advice and financial formulas from. The two billionaires were Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald’s, and Curt Carlson, founder of the TGIF restaurant chain.

However, my very first adviser, who also became a good friend, was a multimillionaire by the name of Larry Rosenberg. He not only referred me to the best books to read to lead a person to huge wealth, he also spent lots of time with me over lunches. He gave me great advice, hints, and direction concerning where to look for the best properties and what to do to fix them up to greatly increase value and then sell them. Later I was fortunate enough to connect with businessman Paul J. Meyer, who built a half-billion-dollar fortune starting from nothing. He shared many ideas and formulas for achieving success at a quick pace with me.

Besides the notes I made in the front of Brian’s book, I also found this note that his words inspired me to write in one of the margins: “In order for me to be able to associate with the right kind of people, I must work hard on myself to be that likable and right kind of person.” It’s a thought that has stayed with me ever since I wrote it.

When I think about it, I know that for me, and most people, we would all much rather do business with people who we really like, and we tend to shun people that are difficult or unfriendly towards us. I don’t even enjoy playing tennis with people I don’t like, even if I beat them. So, the bottom line here is that in order to meet the right kind of people you must work on yourself to become that right kind of person as well. Once you have, then you can surround yourself with the kind of people that will help you become the kind of successful person you want to be.

Faith in the Brain’s Healing Powers

We all have good days and bad days with our health, and it can be frustrating when our bodies are not performing the way we want them to or need them to. But our health is not out of our power to control. As a matter of fact, we all do have a super powerful tool right in our own heads. It’s our amazing brain.

Researchers that study the brain-body connection have shown in numerous experiments how the brain can be tricked into believing it is getting better. A simple sugar pill can relieve pain or even cure an illness if the person believes that the pill being taken is genuine medicine.

That’s how powerful our brains are. They can make physical changes in our bodies beyond what we would normally give them credit for. There is a book I reread regularly called Super Brain. The authors, Deepak Chopra and Rudolph E. Tanzi, point out that any of us can, if we so chose, set up or create our own placebo effect at any time without any kind of pill.

What’s supper interesting, as Chopra and Tanzi explain, is that “the effect isn’t limited to drugs, which is important to remember: anything you believe in can act as a placebo.”

They also ask where the relief comes from when the placebos are not actually doing anything themselves. They explain that it is simply, “the mind telling the body to get well.” The body really believes what it was being told and then it relieves the pain or heals the sickness because it believes it can. In other words, your mind can and does control healing of all kinds including pain, disease, and wounds that our bodies deal with from time to time.

These authors go on to say “Being your own placebo is the same as freeing up the healing system through messages from the brain. All healing is, in the end, self-healing. Physicians aid the body’s intricate healing system (which coordinates immune cells, inflammation, hormones, genes and much else), but the actual healing takes place in an unknown way.”

One of the conclusions that the authors come up with in regards to conquering and taking advantage of the mind-body connection is that, “In serious illness, doubts and fears play a marked role, which is why a practice like meditation or going to group counseling has been shown to help.”

That is certainly worth trying for most, if not all of us, whenever we want to cure our pain, problems, or disease. These kinds of things are probably very helpful to do on a regular basis even.

The authors suggest that there is a method through which anyone can apply their own placebo effect. It requires the same conditions as in a classic placebo response:
1. You trust what is happening.
2. You deal with doubt and fear.
3. You don’t send conflicting messages that get tangled with each other.
4. You have opened the channels of mind-body communications.
5. You let go of your intention and allow the healing system to do its work.

Our bodies have an amazing ability to heal themselves. When we get a cut finger or knee we slap on a band-aid and know that it will heal without further help from us. In doing that, we’ve just let our brain send a positive message to our cells to do their job. But when we get a serious disease we let our minds jump into the mix with all kinds of worry and negative thoughts doing pretty much the opposite of the list above. If we can have faith and believe in the body’s ability to heal itself then the brain will send the right messages to bring on and support that healing.

The bottom line here is if we are going to benefit from our own built-in ‘placebo effect’ we’ve got to, at a minimum, follow the list of 5 conditions above. If you can do that, you are supporting your body’s ability to take care of you, as it is supposed to do. I’m not saying modern medicine is not super helpful and needed, but it’s certain to get a big boost from your brain if you strongly believe in the ability of the medicine and your body to do their jobs and heal you.

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