Making 2012 Your Year of Change
2011 is being called the Year of the Protestor. From the uprising in Tunisia in January that ignited the courage of others in nearby countries for months afterwards to the Moscow rallies in the last weeks of the year, the common people rose up to protest injustice and oppression and forced people to hear them and to change. It was inspiring to see what people could accomplish when they stood up and rallied against the powers that be but it was also sad to hear of the violence and pain that had to be endured to enact the changes the protestors were after. But change did come in many countries simply because so many people persisted even when it was terribly difficult and even when it was life threatening. They were unshakably dedicated to their purpose and that made all the difference.
I wish the protests did not have to include the violence and pain and I hope that things will soon settle down with peace and freedom for these people that have suffered for so long. But pain or discomfort or just frustrating moments usually accompany change and is the reason why people commonly shy from fighting for it.
We are very lucky here that what we have to fight for are not basic freedoms or a life without constant fear of pain or death. We have our hard times, but the choices we have are, for the most part, within our grasp and what we have to work through is not so hard compared with what people in so many countries we watched this past year went through.
How about making 2012 a year of real change here, in our own lives? Let’s choose to take on the challenges that will make a better life for ourselves, our family, our friends and everyone we work with. All we need to do is keep focused on our goals, those end results, that will make our lives so much richer. And if it gets tough, just think of those people who rose up against their oppressive governments and what must have stuck in their mind to keep them so determined. You can be so determined too. Just keep your eye on the prize and keep in mind what the change will mean for your life.
Positivity Outlooks Take Practice
One last note on this positive/negative inner chatter issue–well, maybe not my last note ever but at least for a while. As I’ve said before knowing something is not useful until you actually do something with the knowledge. We’ve talked quite a bit about this subject here and there the last few months, but have you done anything to actually improve your inner voice’s attitude?
Years ago I really got into programming my brain with lots of positive thoughts and positive affirmations but I’ve been slipping on that the last 10 or maybe even 20 years because I thought that I was beyond that kind of stuff. The thing is, I didn’t lose the knowledge but I did fall out of practice with it, and that was key. You can’t say you’re a great tennis player no matter how well you know the sport, unless you’re actually out there practicing and playing! With my loss in the final round of the Huntsman World Senior Games tennis match in which I had sabotaged myself with all my negative self-talk, I really started to think seriously about how much I let my thoughts turn pessimistic with worry and self-induced stress. I knew it was not helpful. I even knew how to combat it. I had just stopped putting this knowledge into practice.
The great thing about this is that once you get the hang of it and practice enough you can use this positive reinforcement to change and improve just about any part of your life. From losing weight to overcoming addictions to making more money, you can stop worrying about so many things that add unnecessary stress to your life and actually live! Try it and I promise you that it works, especially if you keep practicing. So here’s what you and I must do … No. 1– start observing what that inner chatter is saying and, No. 2–feed yourself positive thoughts and affirmations, every single time you observe the self-talk going the wrong way. It’s not hard, it just takes practice!
The Real Measure of a Successful Life
I wanted to mention this book that Craig Horton, who I shared a letter from in my post last week, recommended. It’s a powerful book about mentorship titled “A Game Plan for Life-The Power of Mentoring” by John Wooden and Don Yaeger. Craig considers this one of the most powerful books he’s ever read. He’s not the only one.
The retired basketball player and coach mentored and inspired unknown numbers of people through his work as a coach and through his publications and lectures. In this, his last book, he first focuses on the people who helped foster his values then, through interviews excerpts, he turns the reader’s attention to number of his most successful mentorees, giving us an inside view of the affect good mentoring can have on an individual, not just as athletes but as human beings. Wooden is particularly focused on being successful without having to sacrifice principles. That is a focus I am behind 200%.
I really like Wooden’s philosophies and know you’d get something out of reading this book if you take what he says to heart. You see, how well you live is not purely about the success you have, even though in your mind and actions, it sure seems like it. The real measure of a successful life is how much you improve the lives of others. You can do this by sharing your success—be it monetary, career, personal, emotional, relationship, etc.–with others in ways that help them achieve and fulfill their lives as well.
Friendships for Health
It’s not only me that believes keeping up friendships is important to your health and the quality of life. I recently came across an article on the Mayo Clinic site (that highly respected health research and educational organization) about just how important it is to maintain your friends and social circle.
According to this article friendships can:
• Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
• Boost your happiness
• Reduce stress
• Improve your self-worth
• Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
• Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise
Now that’s a lot of benefits for something most of us would like to have more of anyways! So why don’t we keep up with our friends better?
It’s because life just gets in the way. We are constantly drawn away by other priorities such as work, caring for children or elderly parents, or trying to make a dent in that long to-do list that is always hanging over our heads. We also move around a lot in this country so even well-established friendships start to fade with the distance between us all. And then it’s hard to find the time and even motivation to go out and make new friends. But it would seem, we can’t really afford not to.
It’s not that we need to have a lot of friends to get these benefits, but rather, according to the Mayo clinic article, it’s the quality of the friendships–do the friendships you have fulfill your individual need for a certain kind of closeness, comfort, and availability? It’s different for everyone but the important thing is to value those friendships, take time to call, visit, write or whatever else is appropriate for the relationship you have with your friends. Don’t let time and distance get in the way of acquiring all the great benefits friendships bring you and giving those same benefits to others.
If you’d like to read the Mayo clinic article, you can find it at: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/friendships/MH00125
Don’t Worry, At Least Not Right Now
I have a colleague starting up a new business. There are many unknowns and lots of reasons why she might worry and she does. But she does something odd. Instead of trying to stop the worry, she sets aside time for worrying. First thing in the morning while making coffee and eating breakfast, she worries. She writes down her worries, adds tasks to her to-do lists if the worries warrant further research or planning, and then goes on with her day.
It actually makes sense. Although worry is a major cause of stress, it’s still a necessary process. Worry provides forethought, planning, and often forces us to think creatively to solve or prepare for issues. The problem is not worry itself, it’s how excessive we let our worries get, how much time we waste worrying about the same things over and over, and how we let worry halt our progress. So really, it’s a balancing act to be a good worrier.
If you find worry getting the best of you, try setting aside time for worrying and write down your concerns to get them out of your head. Once you’ve gone over them and determined what you need to do, if anything, don’t allow those worries to take up any more of your time or brain power, at least until your next worry session. This will make worrying more productive (now doesn’t that sound strange?) and you are less likely to stress yourself out to the point of taking no action when you need to be taking some risks. This will take some ‘living in the moment’ skills but then, I do think that is the best way to live.
Choose Inspriation over Intimidation
Last week I had lunch with 3 very talented authors–Richard Paul Evans, Lynn Lehmann and Keith J. Karren* and we got to talking about why people like meeting celebrities. My theory has been that it makes one feel better about oneself, either because it gives the individual a sense of importance (and maybe some bragging rights) or, like me, they come away realizing these are just ordinary people who accomplish extraordinary things.
My companions did not agree though. The dominant opinion was that most people are intimidated by celebrities and they do not come away seeing them as ordinary. So I may be wrong or maybe there are just some people that see pretty much everybody as ordinary while the rest are awed by those who have gained the limelight. But this brings up a question–are our tendencies to be intimidated or inspired intrinsic to our personality or do we choose the way we react to meeting famous people? Because if you have the chance to meet a successful celebrity, don’t you want to get something more out of it than bragging rights?
I’m sure we can choose how to look at fame and being intimidated doesn’t do us any good so I think the obvious choice is to be inspired. Most every time I have met a well-known, prosperous person I become encouraged to do more with my own life. I usually end up setting more and tougher goals for myself. I feel that, in many ways, I’m no different from them, so why can’t I be super successful too?
There is no reason why not. And there is no reason why meeting a famous person can’t be turned into an opportunity to push yourself for bigger and better things.
*Richard Paul Evans has written about 18 books and sold over 17 million copies–his latest book is “Michael Vey- The Prisoner of Cell 25″. Lynn Lehmann’s latest book is “Clear Illusion”. Keith J. Karren’s latest book is “Boomer-Resilience Through Life’s Second Half”
Commit Yourself–to a Grand Health Goal
So, are you ready to put together your Grand Health Goal? Is there any reason why you wouldn’t want to get yourself into the best possible health and do it for the rest of your life?
We should back up here a bit because, of course, that Grand goal is way too general by itself. You absolutely need to break it down into specific small goals and steps in order to be able to monitor and measure your progress along the way. I talk about what I call “Bite Sized Miracles” in Chapter 6 of my book “How to Ignite Your Passion for Living”. It’s one of the most essential elements to guarantee you are successful in this very important goal.
What small bite-sized miracles can you aim for that will make your Grand Health Goal a reality? That’s not something I can tell you. You need to decide what you want and then figure out the steps to get there. Just don’t let the idea of a Grand goal make it feel impossible. You can just add a short exercise routine this week and then a new sport next week to get yourself back into shape. Try cutting out soda followed by eliminating all the empty calories of white bread and white rice soon thereafter to keep your weight down. With these small, managable steps and changes in your life, you will soon find you are healthier and feel better and that high energy feeling alone will motivate you to do even more. Then you just keep it up and there you are, living your Grand goal!
But back up one more step. Are you ready to do this? Is it important enough to you? (And if you say, no, you really have to ask yourself what is more important than the very aspect of your life that allows you to do all the things you want to do and enjoy it because you feel good?) Because the first and most important step is for you to realize just how enormously important your health is and commit yourself to preserving and improving it.
So, are you ready to live a healthy and full life for the rest of your life?
The Most Important Steps are the Small Ones
Here’s a thought that’s been coming to the top of my mind a lot recently–it’s about taking seriously all the little things we have to do to reach our goals. I’ve put off some small things I need to do as I have been rather occupied lately traveling. I’ve had all these wonderful conversations with intriguing people and my mind and spirit are overflowing! I do love talking about BIG ideas and courageous goals but those grand visions aren’t realizable without all the individual steps you take in between.
In Chapter 6 of my book, How To Ignite Your Passion for Living, I talk about how to make a big dream do-able by breaking it down into all the smaller steps. But also consider that it’s the small steps and the individual decisions you make, not the big ideas you have, that determine if you are successful. If just a few of your small steps take you off the path, or you fail to take those small steps, your big, grand, genius ideas just aren’t going to happen.
So next time you put off the small things which you may not like to do, or for which you find other activities more pleasant, remember those are the building blocks of your dreams and every time you decide to do something else other than take a small necessary step, you are stepping away from your dream, not just an unpleasant task.
A Contract With Yourself
Last week I talked about getting back up when things get tough. You just can’t let yourself get beat down and give up. It got me thinking about the importance of making contracts with ourselves, a promise to accomplish what we are after. Making it so serious that we write it out, date it and sign it is another way to keep you going.
Lisa Walford in her great book “The Longevity Diet” talks about this in detail (see page 159). She begins the contract with these words that you and I could use for just about any goal we set:
“From today onward and for at least the next (insert a time period you set for yourself), I choose to (fill in a description of what you plan to do)”
Continue with a breakdown of what you are going to do and when you are going to do it, including breaking it down by the month, week, day, and even hour and minute if necessary. Then date your new document and sign it. Make a copy (or two or three) and put it in strategic places–in your car, office, on the bathroom mirror … anywhere you are often enough to see it regularly–and review it often to keep yourself on track.
Contracts are binding, right? So if you’re serious about your goals, make this kind of contract with yourself. By doing this you increase your chances of following through and reaching any goal you set by a huge factor!
Find Your Forward Movement
For me the most helpful point in Mihaly Csikszentmihaly’s book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, is to take time to set structure to our lives, including tough goals that push us to the limit. He says true enjoyment is characterized by forward movement; the act of pushing ourselves beyond what we are programmed to do to achieve something unexpected.
There are likely a number of things you do already that reach or approach this ideal and get you to that state of flow. For me it includes:
• Playing a close game of tennis that stretches my ability
• Pushing myself to the max in stretching , yoga style
• Reading a book that reveals things in a new light
• Closing a tough real estate deal
• Having a conversation that leads to a discovery of gives me new ideas
• Spending time writing in my journal and setting more goals and plans with dates to push myself
• Working out very, very hard
• Climbing or cycling up a big tough mountain
I think we should all become aware of the flow experiences that push us towards the unexpected, giving us the experiences and forward movement that brings true happiness and contentment. Consider taking the time to figure out what those are for you. Then make them a priority and see if you don’t find your life quite a bit more satisfying.
